Warren Sapp Joins Cast of Dancing With the Stars

Ah, Dancing With the Stars — our national reality entertainment institution that is neither as compelling as American Idol nor as “real” as Project Runway. Because the show is filled with “stars,” everyone acts all nice and no one gets too angry even as people dance their careers away. It’s fun. And it’s fake.

Anyway, the casting for the show is now exactly as predictable as The Real World. Just as that show needed a token black person every season, so does Dancing With The Stars need its retired football player. And just who will play this year’s role? Try Warren Sapp on for size.

Yes, the crazy-eyed former defensive tackle will follow in the footsteps of Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith. Sapp is a charismatic guy, but a dancer? Not so much.

There are yet more athletes: former sprinter Maurice Green will be on the show, as will 2008 volleyball gold medalist Misty May-Treanor. They’ll compete alongside celebrity luminaries like Lance Bass, Kim Kardashian and some chef dude I’ve never heard of.

Like, OMG, you guys, how excited are you for Dancing with the Stars? Not excited at all? Oh.