Ex-Jayhawks Star Didn’t Kiss Wife Until Wedding

Former Kansas Jayhawks hoops star and devout christian Wayne Simien takes the KANSAS CITY STAR’s J. Brady McCollough through his life of temptation, which most prominently involved the appropriately-named Miami Heat.

Wayne Simien’s first team meeting with the Miami Heat, which drafted him in the first round in 2005 with the 29th overall pick, gave him a pretty good indication of what life would be like in the NBA.

Wayne Simien and wife Katie

“I remember walking in,” says Simien, a 6-foot-9 power forward. “They were like ‘This dude’s a Christian. Give him two weeks until he’s on South Beach in a strip club with me, give him such and such amount of time until he meets Suzie in LA and does yada yada yada.’ They were taking bets on me, basically, cash-money bets right in front of me as far as how long it would take for me to have a hiccup or whatever.”

Apparently those were desperate times for Simien, who felt so threatened by his teammates that he would fly in his pastor for road trips.

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Photograph: Body By Terrell Owens, Hair By Pier 1

Terrell Owens continues to add to an already-substantial list of reasons why he never needed football to achieve a-list celebrity. As Robin Leach might say, Owens dazzled the crowd as a runway model at the Richie Rich A*Muse fashion show on Wednesday in New York:

Terrell Owens Fashion Show Photos

What?

Dwight Howard Baby Mama Likes To, Umm, Dance

Here’s a photo of Royce Reed at the pool of the Fontainebleau Hotel yesterday. Reed is the baby mama of Dwight Howard’s two-year-old son Braylon.

Dwight Howard Baby Mama Royce Reed Miami Super Bowl Party Photo

(Hope they tipped well)

What, can’t tell it’s her? Then let me help you.

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Pro Bowl Cornerback All About His Coverage (Map)

NFL reporter Albert Breer of the BOSTON GLOBE has this from Pro Bowl practice in Miami today:

nnamdi asomugh pro bowl cellphone

Asomugha has his priorities straight, at least when one considers why Terrell Owens didn’t make the Pro Bowl this year.

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ESPN, Dallas Miss Terrell Owens So Damn Much

Terrell Owens’ tenure in Dallas was marked by plenty of controversy, and with good reason; it’s hard to get a “clubhouse cancer” label without really earning it. At the same time, the slavish efforts of reporters like Ed Werder - usually seen camping outside the Cowboys’ compound, reporting minutiae that wouldn’t be ESPN-worthy for 90% of the league - seemed to indicate that ESPN almost just covering their own coverage of the team.

Dallas Cowboys Bad News OMG
(This sounds serious!)

But now that T.O.’s off in the hinterlands of Buffalo, keeping his mouth shut while his offense freezes to death, ESPN’s forced to pimp their Dallas outpost, even as no stories really seem to exist. Ah, but soft! What light through yonder breaks? It is Irving, Texas, and Crayton’s displeasure is the sun! Has Mr. Crayton got horrible things to say about his coaches as a front-page ESPN line would indicate? Well…

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The T.O.-To-Chicago-Bears Rumor That Won’t Die

And so Twitter’s takeover of the human race begins like this. It started as a simple comment by Adam Schefter on Tuesday morning, as he casually typed in ESPN’s Rumors Central section that, hey dude, wouldn’t it be cool if Terrell Owens were a Chicago Bear? Schefter was just pretty much thinking out loud, listing a few reasons why such a trade would make sense.

Terrell Owens on Twitter

He may as well have been thinking that scientists could use fossil DNA to bring back dinosaurs to fight for us in Afghanistan. It has just as much basis in reality as the Owens-to-Bears rumor. But Twitter often doesn’t deal in reality.

In case you hadn’t noticed, Twitter can take an idle rumor and jump-start it into the world’s consciousness. Twitter wants Terrell Owens to be a Chicago Bear. Just look at Google trends right now, where “Terrell Owens traded to Bears” is the No. 12-most popular search, and climbing.

And people are reacting. Can Twitter actually will a rumor into existence? Read more…

T.O. Goes Beserk, Accuses Announcer Of Steroids

While NBC commentator Rodney Harrison has already sufficiently exhausted his hyperbolic capital for 99% of the football-loving population, there’s still some affected by his now-mundane bomb-throwing.

Terrell Owens Tweet Accuses Rodney Harrison of Doing Steroids

(Don’t worry, T.O. still keeping current on his bible passages Tweets too!)

Actually make that one affected. Terrell Owens.

Owens lost it on Twitter after apparently hearing that Harrison called him a “straight-up clown.” He responded by accusing of Harrison of doing steroids. Repeatedly. (At least between his quoting bible passages.)

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Speed Read: An Evening Of Florida Pillow-Fighting

Normally, you don’t see a broadcast booth spend a plurality of a football game raving about the “time of possession” statistic. Then again, normally, you don’t see a team win said battle by a full 30 minutes of game time, which is precisely what Miami did to Indianapolis last night. And then again, you don’t normally see a team control the ball for fewer than 15 minutes of the game… and win anyway.

Pierre Garcon gets two thumbs down
(”Okay, so you just scored the go-ahead touchdown. Allow me to retort: BOOOO THUMBS DOWN TO YOU BOOOOOOO!”)

But lo and behold, thanks to the quickest of quick-strike offenses, the Colts did exactly that; thanks to touchdown drives of 1, 6, and 4 plays, Indianapolis prevailed in Miami, 27-23. Indeed, the Colts’ longest drive of the night was a 9-play drive that led to a 2nd quarter field goal; on the other side of the field, the Fins had exactly one shorter drive: an 8-play, 25-yard drive that ended in a punt. After that, literally every drive of theirs was 9 plays or longer. That’s the longest shortest drive since [ERROR WE ARE NOT ELIAS SPORTS BUREAU CLIENTS ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?].

Ah, but without turnovers, time of possession is effectively meaningless. Read more…

Speed Read: Steelers Salvage Opening Night Win

If anyone wanted to know the difference between college football and the NFL, you just needed to watch the two games last night. (At least the two that anyone cared about - sorry, Florda A&M at Winston-Salem State on ESPNU.) If you like offense, crazy plays and wild comebacks, then the Clemson at Georgia Tech game was for you. But if you prefer low-scoring, hard-hitting football that’s kind of not very exciting until the final five minutes, then the NFL kickoff game between Pittsburgh and Tennessee was for you. (Sorry, is my bias showing?)

Steelers vs Titans

First let’s talk about the Steelers’ 13-10 overtime victory. Plainly put, Pittsburgh had no reason to win this game. They could not run the ball, gaining a whopping 33 yards. (Note to the guy in my fantasy league bragging about “stealing” Rashard Mendenhall: eat it.) And between Jeff Reed almost shanking the game-tying 32-yard field goal into the offensive line’s backsides and Hines Ward fumbling after a reception took him inside the Titans’ five with a minute to go, they were teetering on disaster. Read more…

Rodney Harrison Wants To ‘Put A Bounty’ On T.O.

Excited about the first regular season Monday Night Football game? Rodney Harrison is … um, does he realize it’s not on NBC? The ex-Patriots safety, now an analyst there, has some interesting things to say leading into New England’s opener with the Bills. Maybe it’s the human growth hormones kicking in?

Basically, says Harrison, Terrell Owens can suck it. Key quote: “I’m pumped about T.O. opening up his big mouth about the Patriots. It’s fair now. I can actually put a bounty on T.O. if I wanted and not get in any trouble.”

But there’s more.

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