Speed Read: Bills Blunder, Let Brady Off The Hook

You know the Bills have had a rough history when they can completely blow a game like they did last night, and you can think of like five worse that have happened to them over the years off the top of your head. Buffalo used a poorly-timed fumble on a kickoff that never should’ve been returned to come from ahead and lose to the Patriots, 25-24, in both teams’ season opener.

Tom Brady and Jim Kelly

(These guys have three Super Bowl rings between them)

It wasn’t a completely devastating loss for the Bills (they were, of course, supposed to lose). It’s not like Vincent Gallo’s going to make a movie about it or anything. But at this rate, the people of upstate New York are just going to start hoping the team moves to Toronto so they don’t have to be so miserable all the time. They also should be happy to know that Brady told his New England teammates that he “knew” the Bills would let them back into the game late.

Read more…

Iverson, Mora, & Namath Get Autotuned (w/ Video)

Sometimes a video comes along that’s so perfect, anything we add to it would be superfluous; the best thing we can do is just stand back and let the magic happen.

Allen Iverson
(We were tempted to photoshop a T-Pain hat onto Allen Iverson, but it would have been a little too esoteric.)

This would be one of those times. KISSING SUZY KOLBER has unearthed an epic remix of some of the most memorable moments in media meltdown history - set to Autotune. Oh, it’s so good. Video’s after the break (and near as we can tell, completely SFW).

Read more…

Erin Andrews Vs. The World In Pages Of Playboy

It’s that time of year again: time to actually read PLAYBOY for the articles. That’s because, for the third time, the mag is letting you pick the sexiest sportscaster. They’ve narrowed down the choices to 30 and are letting you vote, so put those one-hand typing skills to good use and stuff the ballot box for your favorite.

Erin Andrews

Erin Andrews is listed first, so while the list might be in alphabetical order, it may as well be in order of the favorites too. Andrews took this competition in a landslide last year (Jill Arrington won it the first year), and if I were a betting man, I would consider taking Andrews over the field. Like the Bulls of the mid-90s, even if she’s not putting the best team on the court, her momentum is unstoppable. But there’s no such thing as a sure thing; let’s take a look at some of the women hoping to dethrone America’s Sideline Princess™. (And by “let’s take a look,” I mean “let’s post some pictures.”)

Read more…

Romo, Simpson Seen Selecting Engagement Rings

• Tired of waiting for a Super Bowl ring, Tony Romo might be teaming up with Jessica Simpson in acquiring some engagement jewelry.

Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson

• The Red Sox seem to have a knack for smacking the Angels in October.

• A Cubs fan gets arrested for throwing a ball at Manny Ramirez. And being a Cubs fan, of course he completely misses.

• The New Jersey Nets are offering a unique “pick up now, pay later” plan for season tickets. The catch - you still have to watch the Nets.

• A daily double from Ocho Cinco: The Bengals WR plans to kiss the Cowboys’ star and wet his lips with too much booze.

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Criticizing Suzy Kolber: McGahee Mad At Reporter

Besides Erin Andrews, Suzy Kolber must be the best-known sideline reporter in the business - and all because of one fateful evening where Joe Namath slurridly expressed his love for the ESPN employee. (Not many media members can claim inspiration for the creation of smart-alecky sports blogs. OK, maybe her and Chris Berman.)

Suzy Kolber Willis McGahee

But not all NFL greats past & present are so enamored with Suzy’s work. In fact, one Ravens running back is a bit perturbed with her at the moment because of what she said last Monday night.

Read more…

Red Bull, Vodka and High Jumping Do Not Mix Well

If you look through the annals of sports history, you’ll find that alcohol has had a hand in many of our fondest sports memories: David Wells has “half drunk” (or maybe just hungover) during his perfect game in ‘98, Joe Namath became a hero to a new generation after drunkenly sexually harassing Suzy Kolber, and without alcohol we wouldn’t even care about Kyle Orton. And now, ladies and gents, we’d like to introduce a brand new entry in the Alcoholic Athlete Hall of Fame: Russian high jumper Ivan Ukhov.

Old timey high jumper

(Obviously not Ivan, but an awesome photo anyway)

At some track competition called the Lausanne Grand Prix, Ukhov tried to clear the high jump bar while he was completely smashed! And you better believe there’s video after the jump.

Read more…

Brett Favre Already Has Plans For New York City

So as you’ve all been made aware of by now, the Green Bay Packers finally pulled the trigger on a deal that sent Hall of Fame-bound quarterback Brett Favre to the New York Jets. Finally, the national nightmare that was the Brett Favre Saga has come to an end, and life in America can resume. At least, you think it is.

Favre traded to Jets

You see, now that Brett’s been traded the odds are that the media attention he has received the last weeks is going to decrease. Instead of talking about him for 22 hours a day on ESPN, those at the worldwide leader only plan on talking about him for 18 hours today. This isn’t acceptable for Brett. He wants to be on our minds all day, everyday. The problem for Brett is now that he’s going to be playing in New York City, he has a lot of competition for the limelight. In Green Bay the only thing he had to compete with were a couple of cows and a few thousand people who feel that a wedge of cheese is meant to be worn on the head.

In New York, Brett’s bush league antics won’t fly, and that’s why he’s already begun scheming up new ways to keep every eye on him in the Big Apple. Find out what Brett’s planning to do after the jump.

Read more…

Aussie Swimmer Named “Face” of Horse Breeders

Elka Graham is an Aussie swimmer whose life is heading upstream. She’ll be racing for gold at this summer’s Olympics in Beijing. She’s already had some small-screen stardom as a contestant on Australia’s version of “Dancing With The Stars”. She’s engaged and will be married later this year. And McDonald’s has just signed her to a big marketing deal.

Elka Graham Aussie swimmer

And as if things couldn’t be better for Elka, she’s just achieved a new honor - being named as the “face” of a horse breeding group.

Wait, what? Read more…

Becks Gives Good Tip, Footie Fans Asked To Strip

David Beckham gives a valuable tip - $900 on a $100 check:

David Beckham money

• Asking Austrian attendees to strip for a soccer stadium shoot is the naked truth.

• A Chicago-area pilot makes a landing on a golf course - just to get his son to tennis practice on time.

Suzy Kolber gives birth to a beautiful baby girl - and names her after a Jets QB?

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Kolber Gives Baby Same Name As (Sober) Jets QB

Mike Florio of PRO FOOTBALL TALK reports today that “Suzy Kolber is a new mother, according to an ESPN spokesman who confirmed what apparently was mentioned at some point late Wednesday night on the air.

Suzy Kolber

We reported several months ago (more than three and less than nine) that Kolber is pregnant. Our own MDS told me that he saw her while he was covering the Vikings-Bears Monday nighter in December for AOL, and that she obviously was expecting something other than an alcohol-induced fondling from a retired quarterback.”

Florio has also tracked down the sex and rather coincidental name of Kolber’s new daughter. Read more…