9:00 PM Cleveland Browns linebacker Christian Kirksey tweeted about a glitch in the Madden '15 video game that shows Kirksey as only 14 inches tall: "No matter how small you are, have big dreams, and live big!"
We’ve mentioned it plenty of times already here, but one of the crucial aspects of life for a pro athlete these days is the fact that they’re young and have unholy amounts of money. There’s probably no primer a target than they.
(This man had a stalker. Don’t laugh. Why you gotta be laughing?)
So it’s pretty understandable that someone like Nets guard Chris Douglas-Roberts - he of the bengal kitten fame - would have some, ahem, devoted female fans. Fortunately, he’s got a Twitter feed, and as CDR explained a few days ago, he’s “approachable” on there. He’s even got stories, including one opus of 20+ tweets about a stalker he had last year. Was she crazy? Holy smokes yes, and CDR’s got details. Lots of details.
Philadelphia Eagles backup quarterback A.J. Feeley has a pretty sweet life. Since he’s the third-string quarterback in Philadelphia he never really has to worry about seeing the field outside of the preseason, and is basically paid to hold a clipboard and not get booed. His reward for all this? Well, besides the money he’s making, he’s also engaged to female soccer star Heather Mitts.
Of course, not everybody is aware of the fact that A.J. has got himself a lady. Or maybe they are and just don’t care. For instance, let’s take a look at 39-year old Ayesha Muzaffar who lives in the same condo complex as Feeley in Philadelphia. Heather Mitts or no Heather Mitts, nothing will get in the way of Muzaffar (sounds like a Disney villain doesn’t it?) and her love for her A.J. Well, nothing except maybe the police.
After the Beijing Olympics, 17-year-old Shawn Johnson suddenly has one of the world’s most recognizable faces. She’s young, she’s an Olympic gold medalist (she would have won more than one of those, if not for Alicia Sacramone), and she’s had her own official fan club since before her 15th birthday. In fact, that’s part of her problem, as one of those fans, a 34-year-old man named Robert O’Ryan, has taken things way, way, way too far, trying to break onto the set of a CBS studio where Johnson is filming the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars.
The story comes from TMZ, via FANHOUSE — and was mentioned in this morning’s Speed Read, below — and it’s about as scary a fan issue as we can remember. Not only did O’Ryan claim he was “meant to be with,” Johnson, he also was packing a .45 caliber handgun, a shotgun, and a plethora of material that could be used to kidnap someone; duct tape, zip tiles, maps to different Johnson locations (the CBS studio, her house, etc.), love letters and “other clippings and information.”
This weekend is a pretty big one for golf fans across the world. It will mark the first time since June of last year at the U.S. Open that the great Tiger Woodswill grace a PGA Tour event with his presence. All of a sudden, golf matters again.
Of course, as a real golf fan you can’t just sit back and be happy that Tiger is back. You need something to commemorate the occasion. You need something that will prove to other Tiger fans that you’re a much bigger fan than the rest. You need Tiger’s DNA, and, according to SPORTING NEWS and USA TODAY’s GAME ON, you can have it for only $25,000.
Some people thought that Tiger Woods would find a way to make it back from his rehab in time to play at the Buick Championships this week at Torrey Pines in San Diego. After all, he’s won the tournament six times, and it was the site of his epic victory over Rocco Mediate in the U.S. Open last June - his last tournament before having season-ending surgery.
One place Tiger Woods probably won’t be showing up is anywhere with Snoop Dogg there, lest his reputation be sullied by some scallywags discussing nefarious topics such as pimps and hoes. But LenDale White has no such problems, inviting the rapper/actor/youth football coach to his 24th birthday party back in December, just after they beat the Pittsburgh Steelers to clinch the best record in the AFC.
It might seem odd that Snoop Dogg would be at the party, since he is a professed Steelers fan. But he and White go back to White’s time at USC (White even threw Snoop Dogg a ball after a TD while the rapper was standing in the end zone), and White has cameoed in Snoop Dogg videos.
YOU BEEN BLINDED has the video of the night, and you can expect, the language makes it pretty NSFW - there are more N-bombs being dropped in the course of five minutes than at the University of Mississippi in 1962. And make sure you watch until the end for LenDale’s own bit of “freestyling”:
Point of fact here: I’m white, which means I have no idea what “I don’t flow, I just pull hoes” means, but I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with yardwork. I’m also pretty sure that Snoop Dogg was a Raiders fan when my roommate had a copy of “The Chronic” in college, and now he’s a Steelers fan but he’s hanging out with the Titans? This guy is the most fickle sports fan since LeBron James.
FOOD COURT LUNCH wants to give you a heads up about the latest movie: “Black Mamba, The Helpful Assassin.” Sounds like something Quentin Tarantino would be involved with, co-starring Jim Brown and Pam Grier.
Who would want a fat outfielder who was one of the biggest (literally) free agent busts in recent memory? Andruw Jones, welcome to the Texas Rangers! RUMORS & RANTS breaks down the freefall that is his career - at the very least, it will be fun to see if he can still be a tub of goo while dealing with Texas summers.
ARCA racing: it’s where they put inexperienced drivers on super speedways and wish them Godspeed. Needless to say, a lot of this sort of stuff happens:
MOTORSPORT.COM says that Patrick Sheltra, the driver who was T-boned in the crash, remains hospitalized with a compression fracture in his back, but the majority of medical tests so far have been negative.
SLATE gets down to the truth of the matter: the SI report that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids changes absolutely nothing.
The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports that Colts DE Darrell Reid was arrested after refusing to leave a nightclub parking lot in Indianapolis early Sunday. The best part is his reason: “I don’t have to because I am a football player with the Indianapolis Colts.” I understand that Jim Sorgi uses that line all the time as well, but usually it’s when security tries to kick off him the sidelines of Colts games.
NESW VIDEO found this gem on YouTube: A scintillating video Kevin Garnett put together for a Web site called AthetesDirect.com back in 2001 when he was playing for the Timberwolves. The topic? How he gets dressed. And yet somehow AthetesDirect.com is now defunct.
If can’t stalk the one you love, stalk the one you’re with (or at least near): the INDIANA STATESMAN says that a creep who served five years in prison for stalking Olympian Sheila Taormina has been arrested after apparently harassing an Indiana State female athlete and violating a restraining order to not step foot on campus. Because they really thought that was going to work?
There’s a hierarchy to stalking targets. A complex formula involving the victim’s celebrity, charisma, and certain intangibles determines how worthy they are of being stalked. Last month’s Paula Abdul stalker should have known that Paula is just a third-rate Janet Jackson. That guy who attacked Lindsay Lohan in a club? She’s no Jodie Foster. And in the sports world, anyone who stalks Derek Jeter is clearly going for the high score. But Luke Walton? That’s just sad and demeaning for everybody involved.
(Actually, looks like a match made in white trash heaven.)
As you should have known even before you saw that picture, female stalkers are never attractive. But Stacy Elizabeth Beshear of El Segundo, Calif., is really scraping the bottom of the barrel when she decides to focus all her unhealthy attention on the Lakers forward, averaging a healthy 9.6 minutes a game this season. Beshear was sentenced this week to three years probation, counseling, and staying the hell away from Luke Walton.
Over the last week I’ve talked to a lot of people who are extremely happy that Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States. Yes, there is plenty of love to go around for the President-elect because he’s not George W. Bush, and like a new head coach, all the fans love him before the season starts. Once the games start, though, opinions have a tendency to change as people suddenly remember a President can’t do everything he promised.
Which is why Gilbert Arenas may one day regret the decision he made on Friday night. You see, earlier this year when Gilbert said he wasn’t going to vote he wasn’t being serious. In reality Agent Zero is a pretty big Obama supporter. Did I say supporter? I meant to say Gilbert is thisclose to stalking him.