When you’ve slept with half of the soccer players in the English Premier League, it probably goes without saying that you like to party. So it was no surprise when model Danielle Lloyd went to a swanky nightclub on Monday night with her current Man of the Match, Tottenham Hotspur star Jamie O’Hara. It was her exit that was more shocking: instead of leaving the Crystal Club in London to the flash of cameras and stepping into a limo, THE SUN says Lloyd wound up being taken to the hospital for surgery after a brawl left her covered in blood on the sidewalk.

The brawl apparently started when two women started dancing on the back of a VIP couch that Lloyd and her group were sitting on. Words were exchanged, and Lloyd wound up getting thrown through a glass table. She wound up looking like an extra in a “Friday the 13th” movie laying on the ground waiting for help.

Want to know what a model looks like after getting through a glass table? You can see the carnage after the jump:

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Earlier this week, we took some time to briefly blurb about Isabel Figueira, Portuguese model-slash-actress and one-time wife of soccer player Cesar Peixoto. However, achieving fame & fortune in Portugal doesn’t necessarily equate to stardom in the States.

(Lisbon’s leading lovely lady)

But we hope to change that. How? By arousing the American masses with a provocative pictorial featuring Figueira’s fantastic figure, that’s how!

But first, a bit of background: In the grand tradition of other soccer WAGs past & present, Isabel has posed for magazine shoots, hosted TV shows, appeared in company adverts, and even has her own IMDB page. As for her marriage, the lads at THE SPOILER sum up the results of the blessed union between Isabel & Cesar:

The couple were married in 2005, proud parents in 2006 and divorced in 2007.

That was nice & quick - seems like the perfect model of European efficiency. (Here that, guys? She’s available!) But enough gabbing. Let’s get to the goods! (After the jump, of course.)

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As Cameron mentioned in this morning’s Speed Read, Giulia Siegel has generously graced the pages of this month’s German edition of PLAYBOY. As our mates over at THE SPOILER inform us, Giulia spends her time as a TV host, music DJ and celebrity reality show contestant.

(Wunderbar!)

So how does Frau Siegel fit in with the sports world? Back in 2007, she allegedly had an affair with Oliver Kahn, long-time Bayern Munich & German national team goalkeeper. This would have been scandalous enough, but Ollie was already shacking up with a 21-year-old barmaid - and this after leaving his wife who was eight months pregnant.

But enough sordid stories. Time for some sordid pictures! (After the jump)

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We’re going to say some words here about Cristiano Ronaldo being the best soccer player on the planet. We’re going to mention he won two major championships (Premier League and Champions League) in the last month. We’re also going to mention he missed a penalty kick in the latter championship and mock him weakly for being so beautiful and successful, revealing our petty blogger streak.

Then we’re going to tell you his girlfriend, Nereida Gallardo, likes taking topless photos of herself making out with girls in nightclub bathrooms and post the picture above - cut tastefully. (The uncut version is after the jump.)

And the preceding words will probably spill from your brain. It’s okay. We’re not offended. If we could write as well as she lifts her shirt, we’d be too busy to tell you about her because we’d be off on our next book tour with Padma Lakshmi. We’re cool here.

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