Official: World’s Most Expensive Friend Request

Snoop Dogg had a well-measured suggestion to billionaire Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg on Twitter today:

Snoop Dogg asks Zuckerberg to buy a sports team with him

Fabulous idea!

Jose Canseco reports he's homeless

Especially since I just so happen to know a certain someone who’d be a perfect first hire.

On second thought, sorry Jose. Mr. Zuckerberg is obviously way too liquid for Bud Selig’s taste.

Speed Read: Hurricanes Avoid Yellow Jackets Trap

All this week, one of the top stories in college football was about the resurgence of the University of Miami football program after their Labor Day victory over Florida State. They were ranked in the Top 25 for seemingly the first time since Bernie Kosar was behind center, and people were talking about how head coach Randy Shannon had turned the moribund program back into players on the national stage.

Miami vs Georgia Tech

Which meant only one thing: The ‘Canes were due to crash and burn last night on ESPN against Georgia Tech. After all, they would certainly be dealing with a team-wide outbreak of swollen heads after their “program changing” win against the Seminoles. Plus, they would have to deal with the Yellow Jackets’ screwy triple option offense, which is tough under any circumstances. All the signs were there for a total meltdown: in fact, it had to happen.

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Week In Review: Erin Andrews Gets Down & Dirty

• Whether you adore her or want to ignore her, Erin Andrews is starting to embrace her popularity more & more - such as posing for a GQ photoshoot.

Erin Andrews GQ 3

• Help wanted: New Mexico football office. Only hot young girls need apply.

• Redskins backup QB Colt Brennan denies reports that he’s Jessica Simpson’s new NFL stud.

Tom Cable shows how rough & tough the Raiders are going to be this season by breaking the jaw of one of his assistant coaches.

• The Dodgers turn to Snoop Dogg to help sell tickets. Fo’ shizzle.

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Porngrapher, Drug Dealer Now Dodger Spokesman

Last Friday here in Los Angeles, I was talking to a local, longtime baseball fan who has attended dozens of Dodger games over the years. I asked him if he planned to attend the Cubs-Dodgers series this weekend and he replied, “I’m never going to that ballpark again. The fan behavior has gotten out of the control, it’s the worst I’ve ever seen it and the Dodgers apparently aren’t interested in stopping it.

Snoop Dogg Porn Means He's Already Got A Friend In The Film Room

(Dodgers newest advertising spokesman already has a friend in the film room)

The increased violence at Dodger Stadium in the past few years has been well-chronicled, and loss of life has not been uncommon in the parking lots. I myself attended a game in the left-field bleachers recently and while not encountering any undue conflicts that night, you don’t have to be a genius to figure out that there was a potential criminal element in the seating area immediately around us.

Bad Idea Dept.: Snoop Dogg Pimping Dodgers Tickets

(The first 10,000 kids under 12 get an “Opposite Day!” t-shirt)

So how are the Dodgers combating that very real perception of Dodger Stadium amongst those not fortunate enough to be esconed in the press box?

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Corie Blount Gets One Year In Prison For Pot Bust

It was back in December when former NBA player Corie Blount got busted by the cops with a whole lot of pot.  The police had tailed him back to his house after witnessing him purchase 11 pounds of the demon weed and taking it back to his house, where the cops then found another 18 pounds of hippie gold.  Stoners everywhere laughed their ass off upon hearing about a guy named Blount getting busted for selling marijuana.  They would then forget about it 15 seconds later.

Corie Blount pot

Unfortunately for Blount, Johnny Law’s memory is much better and they didn’t forget to make him stand trial.  So it was earlier today in a Cincinnati court room in which Blount was given a year in prison for his dalliance in the drug dealing world.

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Shaq Juking And Jiving With The Jabberwockeez

• Nothing sums up the NBA All-Star Weekend like the Shaqawockeez.

Shaquille ONeal Shaqawockeez

• Of course, there were other wondrous sights to be seen in Phoenix, such as Snoop Dogg, Japanese reporters, and mascots abducting children.

• The bad economy is even putting the squeeze on Little League Baseball.

Mike Tomlin was quite the wideout for William & Mary.

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NBA All-Star Game: Curtain Falls on Suns’ Porter

(Ed. Note: SbB correspondent Tuffy attends the NBA All-Star Game in Phoenix and finds the biggest celebrity watering hole in the desert since Frank Sinatra last visited Palm Springs.)

If Friday is for the kids and Saturday’s the night to enjoy the circus with all its rigging, Sunday is the night to be seen. Industry Night (aka the NBA All-Star Game) is definitely the night of the company picnic, where all the vendors, sponsors, and celebrities all try to get something out of each other.

NBA China at the NBA All-Star Game

(NBA China’s Craig Sager made this fan put down his beer before the interview)

A few fans are allowed to rub elbows with the NBA, but it’s mostly the NBA family in attendance. This helps explain the quiet of the crowd; they’re all out on the concourse schmoozing or mustering the energy to make it to the post-game parties to rub elbows and trade business cards.

We sat next to the casting director for the halftime NBA Cares spot and it was all she could do not to spot co-workers on the project or other videos. We tracked people all weekend who could barely muster the strength to attend the arena-based events but rallied to hit the parties. It’s entirely possible only the rubes (like us) actually attended the games.

Reggie Theus at the NBA All-Star Game

(”No, no… I was in ‘Hang TIME’. You weren’t too far off with your first guess, though, if you know what I mean.  And you do… ladies.”)

Which means the slightly lackluster game itself and the ridiculous waste of text messages involved in the MVP vote (how do you tie in millions of text messages?) left didn’t distract the crowd much from its first duty: spotting the celebrities.  Our rough count before our non-celebrity heads ’sploded:

Mike Breen, Snoop Dogg, Brian Grazer, Darryl Dawkins (wearing some kind of dead plastic animal), Scottie Pippen, Bob Lanier, Carlos Zambrano, and Billy King, who is only an NBA celebrity, but that’s a man that needed to bring a stack of business cards with him last weekend.

For the record (and since they wanted the story buried so badly), the two men we didn’t see Sunday were Terry Porter and Steve Kerr, perhaps because Kerr and Suns owner Robert Sarver chose to wait until the start of the All-Star Game itself to dump Porter in the desert, despite denials otherwise. Turn out the lights; the party’s over.

And now a bit of the ol’ photo essay, including some of the people mentioned above and how NHK keeps their ratings high…

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Mormon Moms Hoping For Olympic Pole Positions

• Some exercising ladies in Utah are working out their chances to make pole dancing … er, “pole fitness” an Olympic sport.

Pole Dancing class

(”London, here we come!“)

• What happens when an LSU student reporter visits the Tigers’ tailgate dressed in Alabama gear? Let’s watch.

• Them’s fightin’ words: Ex-Viking Troy Williamson would like to “duke it out” with current Viking coach Brad Childress.

• A 12-year-old British kid gets his life of hooliganism started early.

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I’m Hoping Snoop Has No Concealed Carry Permit

Chris Mottram of THE SPORTING BLOG watches “Around The Horn” so we don’t have to. Turns my favorite rapper turned porn producer, Calvin Broadus (Snoop Dogg), appeared on the show this week, perched like a parrot on J.A. Adande’s clavicle.

Snoop Dogg attacked by Woody Paige on Around The Horn

To open the show, host Tony Reali “muted” a generally incoherent Broadus (granted, it was after he was done talking). Then we found out that apparently dain-bramaged Woody Paige is off the Lithium, as he unloaded a senseless verbal beatdown on recent fire damage victim.

If you’re in line at the DMV, or getting a head start on your taxes, you might enjoy the video (after the jump). Read more…

Speed Read: Donovan McNabb Gets Tongue-Tied

If you didn’t know by now, the NFL has a state-of-the-art website with lots of features, not excluding a standings page. Right there on the left we have a ‘W,’ ‘L,’ and ‘T.’ There they are. Win, loss, and tie. Donovan McNabb doesn’t need the NFL.com website to see what’s going on in the standings. He knows who has how many wins and losses. But what if, say, his Eagles are tied 13-13 with the Bengals after an overtime frame?

Donovan McNabb tie game lesson

Why, the game ends in a tie, of course. But McNabb — this has to be a fake video, according to my tentative faith in humanity — didn’t know ties were a rule in the NFL. Moreover, he said, “I hate to see what would happen in the Super Bowl and in the playoffs.” We here at SbB obtained exclusive footage of the reporters in the press conference:

FACEPALM

All he knew was that “the game would continue until someone scored”, which in all fairness is I think what the referee does say prior to every overtime rule. The striped men never mention the possibility of a tie, and perhaps McNabb thought those were the complete rules of overtime. That’s the only possible reason I can use to defend McNabb’s ignorance.

But if I’m playing all-time lawyer, I can turn around and say that one the last teams to play in a tie game — the 2002 Atlanta Falcons — played McNabb’s Eagles in the playoffs that year. Your witness, me.

I now call to the stand: Jimmie Johnson.

Jimmie Johnson

It’s probably the most under-represented major sport on the Internet, but Johnson has won three straight championships in the Sprint Cup, something only Cale Yarborough has done in NASCAR’s top level of racing. SPORTS ILLUSTRATED lists the five reasons he won, omitting everything except the Cubs-esque Kyle Busch implosion. Oh, and his crew is already looking ahead to a fourth straight Cup in 2009. This could be Lance Armstrong-type stuff here.

Manny

And now we move onto news that could have happened but didn’t so it’s even bigger news. ESPN’s primadonna-following minstrel Pedro Gomez reports that if the Boston Red Sox weren’t able to trade Manny Ramirez, the Sawx probably would have suspended him. But they didn’t suspend him, and they ended up trading him. But we’re just finding out about this now, so we’re interested now. And even though we didn’t know this then, we knew there was tension between Ramirez and the Red Sox, so this news changes nothing about any of our premonitions of Ramirez or the Red Sox or Belgian waffles. Because Belgian waffles rule.

Waffles

Seriously, you can’t tell me that those waffles would be immediately eaten by you if they were on your plate instead of whatever stale, bland breakfast you pulled out of a wrapper this morning. Look at ‘em. All sugary and waffly and full of compartments where syrup can collect, and then you can put different syrups in different compartments because you’re OCD and need to have organized delicious breakfasts. You’re pretty sure if Brooks took photographs of beautiful waffles in exotic locales — many with big, bountiful “compartments” — his business would take off and go mainstream. You’re going to skip work and head out to IHOP right now, aren’t you?

See? I made you forget about Manny Ramirez and the Red Sox, and you are happier for it. My work here is done.

Troy Polamalu runs

Check that. My work actually isn’t done. There are still links to visit. All of them. Click on every single one. Full disclosure: I do not get a bonus for that.

Do you like ties in the NFL?

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