Who Rey? Cincinnatians Were Ones ‘Humiliated’?

Bless his heart, Rey Maualuga apologized to his fans today with a Tweet:

Chelsea Fauver Rey Maualuga

“Sorry for bringing humiliation n embarrassment to this Organization n to dis great city of Cincinnati.”

While Maualuga’s heart is in the right place with that, I wouldn’t classify the fallout to the citizens of the Queen City as “humiliation.

Now if the Bengals linebacker ends up Chelsea’s court-ordered “show and tell” subject in a few weeks, then maybe.

Pleased To Make Rey’s High School Acquaintance

The Cincinnati media is covering Rey Maualuga’s DUI like Lee Harvey Oswald just surfaced in the Ohio River. That’s unfortunate for the Cincinnati Bengals linebacker and his 18-year-old high school acquaintance Chelsea Fauver, who was identified by police as a passenger in the 2003 Pontiac Sunfire Maualuga was driving:

Rey Maualuga and Chelsea Fauver

(Rey Maualuga and his 18-year-old acquaintance Chelsea Fauver)

Another girl, a minor, was also identified as an occupant.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to surmise that Maualuga was driving a car owned by one of the two passengers, since neither was of drinking age.

Also unfortunate is that this wasn’t Maualuga’s first public altercation involving alcohol.

Read more…

Mugshot: NFLer Rey Maualuga Charged With DUI

The KENTUCKY POST reports:

Rey_Maualuga Mugshot

(Gene Simmons? Anyone?)

Bengals linebacker Rey Maualuga was arrested for driving under the influence early Friday morning. Covington police arrested 23-year-old Maualuga around 2 a.m. Friday.

Chelsea Fauver

(18-year-old Chelsea Fauver in car with Maualuga)

Read more…

Browns Pick Hunts Wild Boar With His Bare Hands

People talk a lot about the “bravery” and “heroism” of their favorite athletes and teams. When a football player dons pads and runs as fast as he can into another football player, we call them “tough.” Sure, it’s a bit overblown and silly, but that’s pro sports for you.

Kaluka Maiava
(In this photo, Illinois QB Juice Williams is a metaphor for a dead boar. Keep reading, it’ll all make sense.)

Sometimes, though, it’s warranted. When Pat Tillman traded in his pads for fatigues, that was heroic. When hottie surfer Bethany Hamilton climbed back on her board after getting her arm bitten off by a shark, that was brave. When it comes to tough, they don’t come much tougher than Cleveland Browns rookie linebacker Kaluka Maiava, who hunts wild boar. With his bare hands.

Read more…

Barack Obama Officially Our One & Only Overlord

• Guess there was something going on over in Washington D.C. today - inoculation, immigration, irrigation … something like that.

Barack Obama oath

(“Hail to the ME!”)

• Racial slurs, gay bashing, simulated masturbation - Australian Open organizers really know how to put on a show!

Donovan McNabb needs a new lawn, thanks to some Arizona arsonists.

• A priest who blessed the Cubs’ dugout says the team has been talking smack about his services. Railing on one of God’s reps? Good thing Cubs fans aren’t superstitious or anything.

Read more…

At Least One NFL Draftee Isn’t Scared Of Detroit

Of all the years to declare early for the NFL Draft, 2009 had to be a terrible year for that, because there’s the concern of being drafted by the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Although that very real danger is ever-present, it’s doubly treacherous given that the Lions have the 1st and 20th pick in the first round. USC’s Rey Maualuga has been projected in the middle of the first round, so he could conceivably land in Michigan. But he’s not worried.

Rey Maualuga, a Lions linebacker (depiction)

(A depiction of Maualuga watching the Lions lose 45-13. He is unwavered this potential reality.)

When asked about the prospect of being in the Lions defense, he didn’t pee his pants and run through the walls leaving a Maualuga-shaped hole in each adjacent room. Instead, he told the DETROIT FREE PRESS he would welcome the challenge: Read more…

Ex-UCLA Star Jordan Farmar Is Afraid Of Women?

• Lakers benchwarmer Jordan Farmar is fearful of over-infatuated females.

Jordan Farmar Laker Girls

If he’s afraid of girls, why is he blogging for PLAYBOY?

• USC says Rey Maualuga is so sorry for shaking it behind Erin Andrews.

• The Celtics continue to crash & burn, while Ball State gets flattened by a Golden Hurricane. (Its much more powerful than a golden shower.)

• The Colorado Buffaloes better bet set to share the blame of their wayward teammates.

Read more…

Maualuga Sorry He Busted His Moves On Andrews

You might remember during the Rose Bowl, when stud USC linebacker Rey Maualuga discreetly busted a move behind ESPN’s Erin Andrews. To most people, it was a harmless bit of fun that only added to his legend among Trojan fans and gave him folk hero status among the Internet crowd.

Erin Andrews and Rey Maualuga

But now the LOS ANGELES TIMES is reporting that USC is has issued a statement that Maualuga has apologized to Andrews for his dance moves and “deeply regrets his actions.” And I’m sure he regrets his actions just as much as the USC athletic department told him that he should.

To refresh your memory, video of the heinous dance attack is after the jump:

Read more…

USC LB Maualuga Gets Down With Erin Andrews

USC linebacker Rey Maualuga may or may not be the top linebacking prospect headed to the NFL Draft. Workouts over the next month or two are likely to determine that. But regardless of draft status, Maualuga has become an outright celebrity while starring for USC, a status that may have ultimately been cemented by this, unwitting tango with ESPN sideline reporter extraordinaire Erin Andrews, which was dug up and sent our way by L.A. TIMES blogger Adam Rose.

mauluga andrews dance shot

Yes, that’s Maualuga who walks all the way from the sideline to inches behind Andrews and busts some serious moves right behind her. It’s harder to figure out whether it’s more surprising that Maualuga didn’t go even more overboard (hey, he had Erin Andrews at her disposal and clearly he’s just joking around. What harm would it have done?) or that Andrews somehow didn’t hear him walk up while wearing cleats and traipsing across the ESPN designated video area. It may not be hard plastic, but there had to be a decent amount of clickety-clack coming from his feet, and there was no one else around to defray the noise.

Read more…