Speed Read: Phillie Phanatic’s Weiners Blown Up

Another night, another Mets collapse: this time they blew a four-run lead before falling 9-6 to the Cubs in 10 innings. Combine that with CC Sabathia pitching a gem on short rest to lift the Brewers to a 4-2 win over the Pirates and you’ve got a tie for the NL Wild Card. Instead of buying seats as souvenirs when the season is over, Mets fans might just be ripping them apart in disgust after another late-season collapse.

Bomb Squad t-shirt

The Phillies lost, too, but even more troubling, as the PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS reports, was this: the Philadelphia Police Department bomb squad blew up the hot dogs the Phillie Phanatic shoots into crowds between innings, after someone called in about a suspicious package. They were hardly a danger to the public, unless you count the nitrates, fat and sodium. But this is Philadelphia, the home of the cheese steak - when it comes to food leading to heart attacks, hot dogs are the least of their concerns.

Peter Lalich Virginia Cavaliers QB

Former Virginia starting QB Peter Lalich strikes me as a fan of cheese steaks. And hot dogs. And whatever else he can find when he’s hammered. Even though he was just kicked out of school for underage drinking, COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK notes that it didn’t take long for him to land on his wobbly feet: he’s already enrolled at Oregon State, and will be eligible to play next season.

Why did Lalich choose the Beavers? Perhaps he thought that Dennis Erickson was still the head coach and he needed a new drinking buddy. Or maybe OSU wanted some advance scouting for their game against USC tonight, since he started against them the opening weekend. Although I’m guessing any notes he gave to Coach Mike Riley weren’t very useful:

“Dear Coach: Their defense hits really hard. It hurts to play them, especially when you’re nursing a wicked hangover from Dollar PBR night at Snooker’s.”

Matt Millen

Also landing on his feet quickly: fired Lions GM Matt Millen. Actually, it’s more like “gently floating to Earth on a golden parachute” as MLIVE.COM reports that Detroit could be on the hook for the his entire $50 million contract after letting him go. Judging by this photo found by DEADSPIN, you would hope that he could afford a riding lawnmower with that giant wad of cash.

The Wall stadium

  • WITH LEATHER has designs on the world’s first underground stadium, currently being built in Qatar. No truth that the rumor that the Raiders’ home field of the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum is underground: it’s just the coach who is being buried six feet under.
  • CBS 4 DENVER has Broncos’ lineman Kenny Peterson trying to get a side mount on reporter Kathy Lee. Don’t get any ideas, creeps - they were learning Jiu-Jitsu for a story. Needless to say, he fared better against her than the black belt trainer.
  • T.J. Simers of the LOS ANGELES TIMES highlights some good deeds by Manny Ramirez - and pimps this very site!
  • WASHINGTONIAN.COM interviews Trader Joe’s cheese buyer turned DC SPORTS BOG writer Dan Steinberg, who gives his opinions on everything from Gilbert Arenas to Jim Zorn’s magic dust to beer.
  • Is Andy Pettitte done as a Yankee? The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS wonders that after the team announces he’s done for the season with a bum left shoulder. If only there was some way he could take something to help him get stronger and recover faster between starts…
  • The DALLAS MORNING NEWS reports about an ex-women’s basketball player at SMU who is suing the school and head coach Rhonda Rompola for pulling her scholarship after she complained about inappropriate comments and questions the coach allegedly made about her lesbian sex life.
  • MMA EXPERTS BLOG is ready to take Gina Carano to the mat for calling a press conference to complain about all the attention she’s receiving. Because posing for men’s magazines while wearing practically nothing and starring in American Gladiators while … well … wearing practically nothing is a great way to avoid being noticed.
  • MOUTHPIECE SPORTS notes that even though none of the players from the original RBI Baseball Nintendo game are still playing, seven of the teams are still playing in the same stadiums. Of course, every stadium in RBI Baseball looked like a more generic Three Rivers Stadium, so take that at face value.
  • HOME RUN DERBY wonders if the Cubbies aren’t tempting fate by already having World Series tickets printed up.
  • The Oakland A’s haven’t decided to unveil new uniforms to court the alternative lifestyle crowd in the Bay Area: SF GATE reports that the rookies were forced to dress in drag for the team’s final road trip to Seattle. Almost but not quite as nightmare-inducing as the Padres as Hooters girls, but close.

Hot dogs plus the bomb squad might be a mess, but is the pinnacle of exploding goodness?

What disgusting item would you want to see the bomb squad blow up?

View Results

Speed Read: A-Rod Reaches Settlement in Divorce

TGIF, SbBers! And one Yankee slugger is TG-ing a little more on this lovely F.

Alex & Cynthia Rodriguez

Alex Rodriguez has reached a divorce settlement with soon-to-be ex-wife Cynthia. C-Rod had been fighting the legality of the couple’s pre-nup agreement, but may have realized it was a lost cause. All A-Rod’s lawyer would say (in a terse statement) is that the dueling duo “have amicably resolved their dissolution of marriage proceedings.”

So, he’s all yours, Madonna. (Or yours, Derek.)

Brewers Cubs

The Cubs creep closer to that NL Central crown, as the Brew Crew somehow turned a 2-out, 9th-inning 6-2 lead into a 12-inning 7-6 defeat. Just call Geovany Soto the Steve Bartman of Milwaukee. The Cubbies’ magic number is now 2, while the magic number for Brewers fans is the Wisconsin suicide hotline.

Over in the Junior League, Minnesota had some 9th-inning heroics of their own, as Alex Casilla’s two-run shot helped the Twins rally to topple Tampa Bay 11-8. The win did favors for both the Twins & Red Sox - Minny’s now only 1 1/2 games behind the White Sox in the AL Central (thanks to a 9-2 Yanks victory), while Boston moves up behind the Rays in the AL East by the same margin.

And all this time, the AL West champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, USA, North America sit and wait - and dress up their rookies in women’s clothing. (Still, that’s nothing compared to the Padres’ parade of horrid Hooters Girls.)

Brandon Marshall collides with referee

Brandon Marshall could be spending more time on the sidelines - or in jail. New charges have been filed in Georgia against the Broncos receiver, stemming from a March incident where Marshall allegedly beat up his then-girlfriend. Having already been suspended from the season opener against Oakland, Marshall could be facing additional discipline from the league.

Remarkably, although he only appeared in one game this season, Marshall already leads the league in receiving with 18 catches. (But Chargers fans would argue that Ed Hochuli helped.)

Colorado looks set to take over West Virginia’s #21 spot in the polls, as the Buffaloes roam to a 3-0 record after Thursday night’s 17-14 OT thriller over the Mountaineers - all because Aric Goodman could kick chip-shot field goals & Pat McAfee could not. At least McAfee still has a roster spot, which is more than can be said for Peter Lalich.

Peter Lalich Virginia Cavaliers QB

(“Bartender! Gimme a double!”)

Virginia QB Lalich was kicked off the Cavaliers squad after admitting in court that he violated his probation for underage drinking. But after watching the Cavs’ crappy perfomances this season, anyone would be hitting the bottle.

And now on to more pressing matters:

L.A. Kings Ice Girls tryouts

• Slide over, Laker Girls - LARRY BROWN SPORTS has the exclusive news (and more importantly, photos) of the Los Angeles Kings’ Ice Girls dance team tryouts.

• The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE hears that Adrian Peterson has a sore hammy, but the Vikings RB still feels ready to bring home the bacon on Sunday.

• WITH LEATHER claws up news of a Mets minor leaguer charged with killing his girlfriend’s cat in a jealous rage.

• THE WIZ OF ODDS chronicles the first blow struck in this weekend’s Florida-Tennessee football war - the Vols football Wikipedia page was vandalized!

• CNN serves up news of Ana Ivanovic bowing out early in a tourney again, this time losing in the second round of the Pan Pacific Open. Maybe she really is the next Anna Kournikova, after all.

• On the return serve, ON THE BASELINE reports that Maria Sharapova is launching a $210,000 scholarship program for students living in areas affected by the Chernobyl disaster.

• VARIETY wants to know if you smell what The Rock is cookin’ in Tomorrowland, as the wrestler-turned-actor is set to star in a movie based around the Disneyland attraction.

• Can’t wait for the NBA season to start? BASKETBAWFUL offers their own objective previews of all 30 teams.

• BUGS & CRANKS doesn’t know what the Yankees should do with Bobby Abreu - do you?

John Heuser of the ANN ARBOR NEWS is concerned that this year’s Wolverines could be the first bowl-less Michigan squad since 1974.

In preparation for Saturday’s pigskin action, here’s today’s pertinent poll:

What ESPN College Gameday segment would you like to see first?

View Results