Video: Pat Riley Is Dancing For Your Amusement

You heard me.

Pat Riley Dances

DISCLAIMER: Before you click through to the video, no, you can’t have those :53 seconds of your life back. Read more…

Social Security Number Required To Cover LeBron

Here’s one of the forms the Miami Heat is requiring media members to fill out if they want to cover the team during training camp:

Miami Heat Credential Form

The form requires a social security number, driver’s license number, date of birth, and other sensitive personal info.

Miami Heat: no internet access inside training camp gym

(Sorry gang, no web access inside the gym either)

So why does the Heat need that information from a media member? Read more…

LeBron Investing 101: $1 Million In Property Taxes

Apparently in an effort to contribute his fair share to the Florida tax base, which includes no state income tax, LeBron James reportedly has “started the paperwork” to buy a home in Miami for $50 million.

LeBron James $50 million Miami mansion

(When new, conspicuous wealth attacks)

The Coral Gables home is south of downtown Miami and been on the market for over a year. In June 2009, the CORAL GABLES GAZETTE reported that annual property taxes alone for the home “are estimated at roughly $1 million and utilities will set you back another $150,000 annually.

That doesn’t factor in a housekeeping staff, landscaping and other steep costs associated with running such an enormous estate.

Just the kind of thing a 25-year-old bachelor who just ‘took his talents to South Beach’ would want, right? Read more…

Speed Read: Posada Gets Yankees In Stupid Brawl

You might wonder why you see the occasional baseball fight during July or even August, but almost never in September. For a good reason why, ask Bill Lee. (Actually don’t, because you’ll probably get a two-hour lecture on pot. Or the evil of the DH. Or both.) Even though it happened in May of 1976, him separating his shoulder during a huge brawl between the Yankees and the Red Sox caused him to miss the majority of the season (and possibly ruined his career).

Yankees vs Blue Jays brawl

So the same reason last night’s fight between the Yankees and the Blue Jays was both so compelling and ridiculously stupid. Because they were throwing real punches - not just the usual preschool pushing of most big league fights - and big-name pitchers like Joba Chamberlain and C.C. Sabathia were right in the middle, just waiting for a Blue Jay with a grudge to rip up their multimillion dollar arms. A good rule of thumb: don’t get into fights with teams who are 13 games under .500 - they don’t really have much to lose. Read more…

Ex-Pistons Coach Daly Diagnosed With Cancer

Even as a Lakers fan during the Showtime Era days, Detroit Pistons head coach Chuck Daly earned my respect. Not only could he match Pat Riley coaching move for coaching move, but he could also match him designer suit for designer suit. Plus, he seemed like he could either drink you under a table, or throw you through one. And his teams were a reflection of this, winning back-to-back NBA titles in 1989 and 1990.

Chuck Daly

So it pains me to report the following: the DETROIT FREE-PRESS says that Daly has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. His family is asking for privacy and haven’t given further details of his condition, with a family spokesperson saying that “when he was coaching, Chuck was always known as the Prince of Pessimism. Right now, Chuck Daly is the King of Optimism.

Read more…

Speed Read: Mizzou Guards Alamo From NWicans

Every year we celebrate the bloody massacre of Texans at the hand of the Mexican army, and this was before soccer was popular. The Alamo Bowl, then, is the college game in which a team is crowned new saviors of the Republic of Texas, and for one year they are enshrined within the walls of the Alamo to protect from any uprising. And you goofy playoff advocates thought the bowl system was irrelevant.

Alamo Bowl

Missouri will be this year’s defenders, since they pushed Northwestern past the limit in a 30-23 overtime victory. Chase Daniel will be Davy Crockett, the heroic senior leader of the team, who kept his Tigers in the game despite the NWern Wildcats regaining the lead three times. Daniel’s TD pass to Jeremy Maclin in overtime was the difference. (Maclin can be the William B. Travis in this grand metaphor). The highly accurate kicker, Jeff Wolfert, blew a 44-yard field goal at the end of regulation that would have won the game, but his team came out victorious nonetheless, so he can be Sam Houston. I’d assign some roles to the Northwestern football team but I’m running out of Battle of the Alamo parallels.

Andre Smith

Andre Smith is a big deal, for he is the nation’s best lineman and will probably be a top three pick in the NFL Draft. He allowed one sack all season, and is probably the MVP of the Alabama offense. He is not a quarterback like Tebow, Bradford, Colt, Harrell or Your Favorite Quarterback. But he will not play in the Sugar Bowl due to a suspension, and ESPN.COM’s Chris Low has some info that says he talked to an agent, which is a big NCAA no-no. Obviously, this is a large story, since it’s on ESPN and making the rounds on the wires … but just imagine how much bigger of a deal the media, fans, bloggers, and bettors would make of it had John Parker Wilson been the one suspended. But it’s just a stupid lineman. There are, like, seven of those or something on the field at once. No big deal. The real question is: Will the beef stew Terrelle Pryor ate today affect his Fiesta Bowl passer rating?

Computer that will determine price of Giants tickets

This might be the computer that will determine the price of Giants tickets next year. About 2,000 seats will fall under this automated pricing formula, which factors in things like weather, popularity of opposing team, and whether or not Barry Zito will be pitching. This may potentially revolutionize the way sporting event ticket prices are gouged set, and finally gives the world a chance to dust off the ol’ quadratic formula to see how much the weekend will cost you.

The sum of the square roots of the following stories equals:

Super Snova

  • AUTOPIA takes a look at souped-up snowmobiles from around the world. I see nothing wrong with turning a Chevy Nova into what looks like a tank.
  • The Red Sox want Ramirez back! I’m dead serious!
  • The Bucs go to 9-3, then Monte Kiffin says he’ll leave at the end of the year with son Lane to the U. of Tennessee, and then they lose four straight and are out of the playoffs. The ST. PETERSBURG TIMES talks with Kiffin who admits it may not have been the right thing to announce his resignation when he did.
  • IN GAME NOW says Derek Jeter is looking for a house in Los Angeles. Expect the Yankees to offer the Dodgers a 10-year, $453 million contract.
  • The AP is reporting Clippers basketballperson Ricky Davis will be suspended five games for violating the league’s drug policy. Easy on the Sudafed, bro.
  • The Mets have made some good acquisitions this offseason. They’re due for a rumor about an Andruw Jones-type tra… hey, lookit that!
  • A fun find by SEATTLE WEEKLY regarding just how much Pat Riley thinks about the case sensitivity of his text messages to Dwyane Wade.
  • You know how people older than you constantly remind you how tough they had it? Well, Oregon football back in the day had to endure private jets and lobster dinners, and Willie Glasper will be the last OU player who can claim that. Expect 2025’s Ducks team to bitch about the 15 miles of snow they had to play through.
  • NEWSDAY says the Jets will be coached either by Bill Cowher or by Marty Schottenheimer, depending on whose prediction you believe. Using the quadratic formula, this means Rod Marinelli will be rumored to be the next Browns coach.
  • And finally, Bernie Williams was quietly trying to make a career comeback for the World Baseball Classic, and his comeback could end on as quiet a whimper as it began, now that LOHUD YANKEES BLOG says he’s got a serious quad injury while playing winter ball in Puerto Rico. Carumba.

Who will be the first to get another NFL head coaching job?

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Michael Beasley Just Spent $50,000 On Marijuana

I knew that the economy was in pretty bad shape at the moment, but I didn’t think that things were this bad. You may remember a few weeks ago when both Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur were sent home from the NBA’s Rookie Transition program after the two college teammates were busted in their room with weed and women (which is ironic because you’d think smoking weed with women in your hotel room would be part of the transition to being an NBA player).  Well, even though he wasn’t busted with them, there were rumors at the time that Michael Beasley had been in the room with both of them.

Turns out, he was. Beasley finally admitted as much to NBA officials yesterday, and it was a pretty costly admission as the NBA fined him $50,000 for it.

Read more…

Wrigley Fans Do Not Enjoy Charlie Weis’ Singing

• The Friendly Confines aren’t so friendly toward Charlie Weis’ singing.

Charlie Weis Cubs Horry Kow

Because Cubs fans certainly know what’s tasteful & what isn’t.

• Smog, human rights abuses, slow internet connection with too many banned sites - the Beijing Olympics will have it all!

Tony Stewart once again demonstrates his cool trackside manner.

• Two MMA fighters get attacked & Tasered in a robbery attempt by a bunch of Canadians? What’s that all aboot?

• An assistant football coach quits after his players egg his car & home.

Read more…

Ooh La La! Pat Riley Shows Up At Tour de France

YAHOO’s BALL DON’T LIE cycles up this photo of Pat Riley pedaling in for the Tour de France:

Pat Riley Michael Douglas Tour de France

(That’s Pat to the right … or the left … um, we can’t tell)

The basketball exec rode in - well, actually, flew in by chopper - to take part in the ceremonies after Stage 17 of the French bicycle race. He was there high atop the Alps to present cyclist Carlos Sastre with the famous yellow jersey - and maybe a 10-day contract with the Miami Heat.

Also appearing for the fashionable presentation was Michael Douglas. So this photo may prove once and for all that the star of “Wall Street” & “Fatal Attraction” and the former coach of the Lakers and Heat are in fact NOT the same person.

Catherine Zeta Jones

Still, we wonder if Catherine Zeta-Jones ever got randy with Riley by mistake.

Gruden Was Ballboy For Knight’s Perfect IU Team

Maybe I missed this awhile back, but the TAMPA TRIBUNE notes today that Jon Gruden was a ball boy for the 1975-76 IU basketball team that went undefeated, and was of course coached by Bob Knight.

Jon Gruden

Gruden was 12 at the time, and was recently reunited with Knight at a cancer benefit hosted by Dick Vitale in Sarasota. I’m not so sure that Tampa fans will be thrilled to hear that Knight is still a major influence on Gruden. Nor the platitudes from Gruden about what a wonderful human Knight is on and off-the-court. But it is a cool coincidence and worth noting.

The cancer benefit brought together all the college basketball greats, and raised $1M in one evening. One of the big reasons for that haul was Vitale’s auction item up for bid: A 50-person catered dinner at this home in Sarasota (asking price $100K!). Read more…