Furlough, Schmerlough — I’m A College FB Coach

So the economy has been a barrel of laughs lately, am I right folks? If you’re unlucky enough to be familiar with the term “mandatory furlough days,” then chances are you work at a newspaper, or for the government. Heck, I guess these are turning up in just about every type of business, come to think of it. Yes, it sucks.

Rick Neuheisal

(Too important to be furloughed)

But if you’re a California State University football coach, the government is willing to work with you. Other state employees are currently required to take two unpaid furlough days a month. But football coaches, who presumably put in long hours in the fall and sleep on their office sofas (your team may vary), simply can’t get away! Read more…

SbB@3: Seven Deadly Sins And Five Killer Locks

Some Web sites offer you “insider” information on which teams to put money on during the week’s big football games. But only Sports by Brooks has the ultimate insider: Jesus Christ. That’s right, each week Our Lord and Savior will descend from Heaven to offer His insight into the week’s top games. And with over 60 percent of all college and NFL players attributing their success to Him, no one is more qualified to pick winners.

jesus christ, sports handicapper

I know that some of you might be wondering why I’m spending my time giving out football betting advice. After all, in between curing the blind, feeding the hungry and consulting with my Dad on whether Allen Iverson should play for the Grizzles, don’t I have enough on my plate? But here’s the thing: being the son of God might be cushy, but it doesn’t pay the bills. Let’s just say these robes don’t dry clean themselves, especially if you get the nice satin ones and not the itchy polyester ones.

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God Tells Allen Iverson He’s to Migrate to Memphis

• Why would Allen Iverson ever join the Grizzlies? Because God told him to.

Allen Iverson God

Andrea McNulty is willing to drop her sexual assault lawsuit against Ben Roethlisberger - as long as Big Ben admits he did it.

• A foolish foursome tries to steal Cal Ripken Jr.’s “8″ statue from the front of Camden Yards.

• The Redskins are redfaced over the bad publicity of suing a 72-year-old woman over season tickets, so they opt not to take grandma’s 66 grand.

• Since when did Cole Hamels go the David Beckham metrosexual route?

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Redskins Won’t Break Grandma’s Bank After All

The Washington Redskins have taken a lot of criticism both in these pages and elsewhere for their disgustingly heartless attempts to collect on 72-year-old grandmother Pat Hill’s season ticket contract after the elderly real estate agent’s business went the way of the buffalo. (THANKS, ECONOMY!) Yes, she signed a contract and all, but COME ON, ‘SKINS. In fact, you could say that the ‘Skins weren’t excoriated enough as there were no kicks made to testicles, which would have totally been understandable given the circumstances.

Pat Hill

But hark, a resolution has been agreed upon. The Redskins might hate 72-year-old grandmothers with a passion, but it turns out they like the contempt and disdain of the entire sports media even less. And so Grandma Pat is free to go bankrupt without the specter of unpaid tickets hanging over her head. Of course, the Redskins took some parting shots in the process. Because they are classy, you see.

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Redskins Will Sue Your Grandma & Make Her Cry

So things are not pleasant over at the Washington Redskins ticket office these days (Motto: We’ll get to your call when we damn well feel like it). On Wednesday the WASHINGTON POST revealed apparent shenanigans, in which Redskins personnel were selling tickets straight to scalpers, while a 100,000-person waiting list did without. (See photo). And today, this:

Pat Hill

If your grandmother can’t pay for her Redskins tickets, Daniel Snyder will sue her and throw her out on the street.

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Fresno St. Coaches Furloughed In Budget Mess

You might have heard that California’s finances are in such dire straits that Lenny Dykstra is shaking his head in disgust. In order to close a $26 billion budget deficit, the state was forced to pass a budget that includes drastic cuts to services such as health care and education. In fact, things are so bad that they’ve started taking down the “Hollywood” sign in order to use it for firewood. (That’s a lie.)

Pat Hill

One of the cost-saving measures is to force state employees to take two furlough (i.e. unpaid vacation) days every month. And the FRESNO BEE has proof that this means every state employee, as Fresno State AD Thomas Bosch is trying to come up with a program to place Bulldog coaches on furlough - even those whose sports are currently in season.

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Why I’ll Root Like Hell For Mike Leach On Saturday

Mike Leach’s undefeated Texas Tech Red Raiders will be center stage Saturday as they host #1 Texas in Lubbock. The game reps the pinnacle of Leach’s coaching career, which has seen him go from the smallest of colleges to coaching football in Finland to an assistant-ship under Bob Stoops at Oklahoma.

Mike Leach as Van Gogh Painting

(Creepy: Leach has painting of himself as Van Gogh in his office)

I’ll be rooting like crazy for Leach, because he’s the kind of guy that makes the main media uncomfortable. The reason he isn’t a bigger name on the national scene? He’s always in control of the conversation during interviews, which the hair-gelled types in Bristol despise.

Who ya got?

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He doesn’t fit into the little, tidy box that the College GameDay crew wants him in. The Bob Stoops, Urban Meyer buttoned-down profile. Kinda like Kansas’ Mark Mangino last season, who was generally ignored by ESPN & Co. despite authoring one of the most astonishing stories in the history of college football.

Mangino and Leach, though different personalities, are the same guy. Outsiders. You can put Pat Hill in that group too. Too honest, too quirky, and in some cases, too innovative. Take for instance Leach’s attempt to get the head coaching jobs at UCLA and Miami in recent years. Read more…

Jones Blames ‘Boys Bodyguards On Pac’s Scuffle

Jerry Jones went on Dallas radio today and said he blamed himself for being the “enabler” of Pacman Jones’violent scuffle” last Tuesday at a hotel.  Apparently though, Jones’ definition of enabler is a little different than yours or mine.

Jerry Jones

(Why the stretched long face, Jer?)

From an interview on KTCK-AM: “I almost feel like I’m an enabler, because it’s the very people that I have with him that created this. Had we not had that security with him, this wouldn’t have happened. Really. Had we not had the security with him, it wouldn’t have happened.”

With that sort of thinking, you think Plax Burress is ready for a trade to Big D right about now?

Congrats to A.J. and Enrico. Now if only Brett Myers had been required to pitch six for the win today, the Dodgers might’ve had a chance. Guess he was anxious to get home to the wife. Or not.

Former NBA coach Eric Musselman has a post on his blog that I guarantee will make your day.

Tickets are available for USC’s home game against A-State tomorrow. So much for a soldout season.

OK, this might be old, but a kind soul a couple weeks back sent me these screen grabs of a Slovenian sprinter named Alenka Bikar, and they’re too good not to post (’specially since I hadn’t seen them before):

Alenka Bikar

Video of her after the jump. Read more…