We’re going to say some words here about Cristiano Ronaldo being the best soccer player on the planet. We’re going to mention he won two major championships (Premier League and Champions League) in the last month. We’re also going to mention he missed a penalty kick in the latter championship and mock him weakly for being so beautiful and successful, revealing our petty blogger streak.
Then we’re going to tell you his girlfriend, Nereida Gallardo, likes taking topless photos of herself making out with girls in nightclub bathrooms and post the picture above - cut tastefully. (The uncut version is after the jump.)
And the preceding words will probably spill from your brain. It’s okay. We’re not offended. If we could write as well as she lifts her shirt, we’d be too busy to tell you about her because we’d be off on our next book tour with Padma Lakshmi. We’re cool here.