Caption Contest: Joe Theismann And Mike Ditka

From the SI (fur) vault:

Joe Theismann and Mike Ditka

(”Didn’t I tell you not to get anything big? Didn’t I tell you not to attract attention?“)

Winner gets free, six month subscription to Sports by Brooks.
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Lingerie Football’s New Sugar Daddy: Mike Ditka?

When we last left the Lingerie Football League, they were being bankrolled by Mitch Mortaza, a man of questionable tact who seemed to be primarily interested in being their sugar daddy so he could, y’know, spend time with hot women. Hardly a novel idea, of course, but you don’t normally see it manifested on so large a scale.

Ricky Williams Mike Ditka
(No doubt, Ditka’s just trying to recreate the magic from 10 years ago. It’s never the same the second time around, Mike.)

But that many women can’t be contented with just one sugar daddy, try as he may, and there’s certainly no shortage of old men with tons more money than shame. So it should come as no surprise that someone who famously endorsed a boner pill should be the next high-profile investor in lingerie football. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Ditka!

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Is This The End For The Arena Football League?

I used to describe the Arena Football League as like playing football in your garage, only withouth the danger of running into sharp tools. But now the league — already on ice for the 2009 season — is in danger of crashing and burning completely. What is football without giant nets to bounce your errant field goal tries back into the field of play? We might be about to find out.

The league is about $14 million in debt and may have to filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, according to SPORTS BUSINESS JOURNAL. Mid-July would usually be playoff time in the AFL, but team owners voted to suspend the 2009 season due to financial duress, with the intention of regrouping and coming back strong in 2010. But the AFL has laid off almost its entire staff, and is showing no real signs of life.

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Only 1% Of NFLers Donated To Troubled Alumni

It seems like hardly a week goes by without hearing another sad story about a former NFL player from the 1970s and earlier. Some have debilitating health problems, and others can barely put enough money together to scrape by. We live in a time in which our athletes are overvalued, but the abuse that old players took for very little pay is troubling (there are enough ex-linemen dropping dead at the age of 50 to see that).

NFL Players Won't Donate To Charity

So, it shouldn’t be too much to ask for the millionaires playing in today’s NFL to chip in a small percentage of their salary to help the guys who paved the way for them. In fact, Vikings center Matt Birk sent a letter to all 1,700 players in the league asking them to donate a portion of their check for one game in December to the Gridiron Greats Asssistance Fund, which provides help to ex-players with health and/or financial issues.

So how many decided that it was a worthy cause? About 20.

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At Times John Kruk Wants To Punch Karl Ravech

Have you ever been watching “Baseball Tonight” or any other studio show on ESPN and wondered if the anchors actually liked each other? I mean, I know I can’t stand most of the talking heads ESPN puts on the air so you have to figure there are times when Mike Ditka wants to reach across the desk and punch Stuart Scott right in his lazy eye when he says “Boo-ya!”

The one ESPN personality who I think has probably had it worse than anybody else is Karl Ravech. As host of Baseball Tonight he’s had to work with his fair share of idiots.  Sure, dealing with Harold Reynolds wasn’t too bad — well, except for Harold’s insistence on post-show hugs — and Peter Gammons is an icon, but aside from those two there are a lot more Steve Phillips and John Kruks sitting behind that desk. There has to be occasions where Ravvy just wants to choke Krukker after he says something that makes no real sense, but if there have been, Karl isn’t talking.

Of course, the same can’t be said of Kruk.

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Da Coach Wants Da NFL To Ditch Da Facemasks

Over the last few years there have been plenty of complaints from fans and players alike that the NFL is starting to go soft on us.  Not only are you not allowed to shoot up strip clubs anymore — damn you, Roger Goodell! — but you can’t kill anybody on the field either.  It’s a tough situation.  Players and fans want there to be more violence, while the commissioner and the owners want to protect those players and their investments.  Surely there has to be a happy medium between the two sides, and there is only one man who can find it.

Yes, that man is Da Coach, Mike Ditka. Iron Mike was at his alma mater, the University of Pittsburgh, on Wednesday and he let his feelings be known on the subject.

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Ditka Spices Things Up as Salsa King of Chicago

When I think authentic Mexican food, one name comes to mind: Mike Ditka. So thank God that the Bears legend has decided to branch his food and drink empire out from steaks and wine to include salsa. RACHELLEB.COM asks the question “Would You Buy Mike Ditka’s Salsa?” - but I answer with a question of my own: Why wouldn’t you buy Mike Ditka’s salsa?

Mike Ditka Salsa

A quick reading of the Mike Ditka’s Hall of Fame Salsa home page gives you all the reason you need to run down to Costco and stock up by the palette. I’ll let the Coach himself tell you just how much effort went into making it:

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Boxing Results: Storage Chest 1, Khalil Greene 0

Khalil Greene of the San Diego Padres fights a storage chest - and loses.

Khalil Greene Padres

Mike Ditka is bringing his haute cuisine to the Steel City. Bon Appetit!

Mike Williams’ weight gain may have ended his NFL career. That’s heavy.

• An Aussie football analyst is in trouble for sharing sexy thoughts about a female member of parliament.

Jason Williams may burn the Miami Heat to go play in Israel.

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Mike Ditka’s Restaurant Expanding Into Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh diners, better prepare yourself emotionally for mustache envy: Mike Ditka’s coming to town!

Mike Ditka Flipping the Bird

(Ditka passing in front of Jerome Bettis’ Grille 36)

Rumors are popping up that “Iron Mike” is getting ready to open the 3rd namesake restaurant in his very-slowly-expanding empire in Pittsburgh.

The PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW is reporting that the restaurant has been advertising for its first group of employees, even though no one’s exactly sure where the restaurant is going to be located.

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Blog-Some: Yao Ends Season To Avoid Olympics?

Bethlehem Shoals of THE SPORTING BLOG wonders if Yao Ming’s early exit actually means he doesn’t want to play in the Olympics.

Yao Ming rubs face

• Victory is mine! BALL DON’T LIKE learns the Kevin Garnett & crew got a special locker room visit from the man behind “Family Guy“.

• Speaking of the guys in green, The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS hears that Charles Dolan really believes his Knicks will be the next Celtics.

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