Ecclestone Backtracks On Charming Hitler Quotes

Because he grew up in England and lived near London, at around the age of 14, when the Germans bombed certain neighborhoods there to smithereens, one would think Bernie Ecclestone have a firmer grasp on the role that Adolf Hitler played in world history. Apparently not. The World Jewish Congress has called for Ecclestone to resign as president and CEO of Formula One racing after comments in THE TIMES of London on Saturday, about how Hitler was led astray, and was “able to get things done.” This coming right before the German Grand Prix. Nice.

(Looking down on Bernie is easy — just as ex-wife Slavica Radić)

But now Ecclestone is saying that the whole thing was all a big misunderstanding. And he even — get this — pulled out the “some of my best friends are Jews” line. I’d be willing to bet that some of his other best friends are racist dipsh*ts. Read more…

F1’s Bernie Ecclestone Defends Hitler In Interview

American sports has a good many polarizing figures that sports fans love to hate. Praising names like George Steinbrenner, Mike Krzyzewski, Bud Selig, or Bill Wirtz at a sports bar is a good way to start a fight in many cities, for many different reasons. You’ve got contempt for fans (Wirtz), dunderheaded management (Selig), annoying self-righteousness (Coach K), and unbridled arrogance (Steinbrenner).

Formula 1 Bernie Ecclestone

But what if you could roll all those loathesome qualities up into a single person and add a dash of racism and a spoonful of admiration for Hitler? If such a terrible person seems like someone only seen in the movies, then you haven’t heard of Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone. No, not the F1 boss who likes Nazi hooker orgies - the other one.

Read more…

Speed Read: If They Say It’s Not About the Money

SPORTSbyBROOKS, in conjunction with Disney on Broadway and Rosie O’Donnell, is proud to present the upcoming smash Internet musical that will leave your toes a-tappin’ and your wallet a-empty: How to Succeed at Sports Business Without Really Trying!

How to Succeed in Sports Business Without Really Trying

Nathan Lane plays Sam Zell, a real estate magnate who overleverages himself in order to buy a major company in a rapidly shrinking industry just before the lending bubble bursts. It’s zany fun (except for the hundreds laid off, but they’re offstage anyway).

Desperate to make debt payments, he tries to sell the only profitable part of the company: a sports team known for being both lovable and not-winners. Still, he can’t find anyone willing to put up with his byzantine conditions in time to avoid bankruptcy.

However, to please the bankruptcy judge and try to salvage some of his own wealth, he presses on (as captured in the frenetic number, “Doesn’t Anyone Want to Get My Goat?”) and finds a family willing to buy the team off him.

Sam Zell's Goat

When negotiations don’t progress as hoped because he’s not getting his way and the family has to turn to regional celebrities to pony up cash, Zell tries to gin up a bidding war by hinting that he might be speaking to one of the previously-rejected suitors.

Will the family bow to the planted story and give the charismatic dwarf what he demands? Will his bluff be called and leave him singing “The Blue-Pinstriped Bankrupt Overtaxed Blues”?

And that’s just Act One, kids! Just wait till you see what’s in Act Two!

As the curtain rises on the second act, a strikingly successful bald man with an accent from the Queen’s lands (Patrick Stewart in a rare singing role) tries to make off in the night with a bag jammed full of hockey players from Phoenix (The Jonas Brothers). Caught at the U.S./Canada border, he tries to plead his case to the judge, who laughs him off and tells him to get back in line.

Having been cast a hand so weak that he could call it “The Stranger”, Jim Balsillie (the aforementioned smooth-headed rascal) organizes Make It Seven Day for today (June 19th) to encourage the creation or move of an NHL team to Canada to raise the number of Canadian NHL teams to seven.

Jim Balsillie does seven the hard way

(Jim Balsillie performing “Make It Seven the Really Hard Way”)

He bounces around the stage, Robert Preston-style, to sing to people that “Make It Seven Day is all about providing a voice to Canadian hockey fans, while raising money for minor hockey teams across the country.” (It all sounds better when it’s set to Elton John’s “Greater Toronto Area Freedom”.)

The Canadian chorus, recognizing a true Canadian hero in their midst, throw him onto their shoulders while he waves the Maple Leaf triumphantly and leads a round of “O Canada (Deserves a Seventh Team)” before someone in the crowd (Robin Thicke) realizes Balsillie is using nationalism (and corporate sponsors) to give himself a plaything and cast himself as a hero as well as a billionaire.

Also, the kid in the crowd realizes that the rich bald guy still hasn’t brought them a team, either, for all his bluster.

The crowd escorts Balsillie to the edge of the stage and tosses him back to America, warning him not to come back without a team this time. End of Act Two.

Oh, but Act Three… it’s the most expensive act in Internet musical history as it involves tearing Formula One asunder by chasing all the wealthiest teams (including Ferrari and McLaren) into forming their own league because Formula One dared suggested they not outspend all the other teams so badly anymore.

Well, the rich teams responded in eight-team harmony, if you won’t let us spend ridiculously in Formula One, we’ll build our own playpen so we can try to outspend each other with absurd amounts of cash.

Needless to say, this act’s a blatant theft of the American version of this musical, starring Jesse L. Martin as Tony George. It ends like the American version, too: both sides drain all the interest out of open-wheel racing, the money dries up, and Danica Patrick is cast as the savior. (Hey, if NASCAR can do it…)

Danica Patrick photo SI

(As always, it’s a race to the bottom with Danica)

On the other hand, you should see Formula One boss Max Mosley’s Naziriffic spanktastic encore for this show (and Formula One’s final bow):

Look out; here comes the bullet points! (But not before you consider a new iPhone for all the NSFW foreplay possibilities):

  • As the old joke goes, Jeremy Roenick donned his sparkly collar and surely proved that he has a career waiting for him on the stage, as seen during last night’s NHL Awards. In fact, if he hurries, there’s a stage leaving town in 15 minutes.

  • The Detroit Tigers have benched Magglio Ordoñez “indefinitely” due to his mediocre performance at the plate and definitely not because management has told Jim Leyland to sit on The Big Tilde to avoid triggering a clause in his contract to pay him $18 million in 2010. However, if Ordoñez would like to catch up on his DVR watching during the game, that would be totally cool with the Tigers.
  • If you’re a big fan of your favorite team, you won’t just stop at collecting cards or jerseys. You’ll also buy the unauthorized porn video (whose screen captures are probably just a bit NSFW). C’mon; if you’re in for an inch, you’re… probably doing it wrong, actually.
  • Let’s see… an AL pitcher is hurt on the basepaths in interleague games for the second year in a row. You know what that means: OMG PANDEMIC RUN FOR THE HILLS (unless you’re an AL pitcher; they get designated runners).
  • A few members of Iran’s soccer team donned green quietly to support the growing support for those demonstrating back in Iran while the players participate in the Confederations Cup in South Africa. They could be in a bit of trouble when they return home.

Iran soccer team

Who would you least like to handle your finances?

View Results

Oxford Rugby Parties Like It’s Germany, 1944!

Apparently, the new sports fad making the rounds lately is people just being completely racist! Thanks to our friends across the pond, we now have a new story to put up alongside such recent hits as the infamous Spain basketball team photo, the Justin Timberlake joke that never was, and today’s story about ESPN’s canceled ad campaign: a “Bring a Pretty Jew” theme party sponsored by the Oxford rugby team!

Borat

(No word on if the team has scheduled a “Running of the Jew”.)

According to THE GUARDIAN, the rugby team members were encouraged to, as the title suggests, bring a pretty Jewish girl to the party. From there, things got even more hilariously racist as a few of the rugby players were reportedly sporting “sidelocks”, the traditional curly sideburns seen in the Hasidic Jewish community, and also carrying around “bags of money”. You know, because if it’s one thing the Jewish people love, it’s money!

One thing they don’t love: Being made fun of!

Read more…

Bailout, Gas Cash Spent on Formula One Escorts?

Singapore could not be happier to be hosting their first Formula One Grand Prix in these harsh economic times, hopefully coaxing in those hard-earned tourism dollars lost once it became clear that Gary Glitter wouldn’t be joining them for a cup of lightly-aged tea.  Where does Singapore turn in this dark hour to lure the high-end vacationer to see their putt-putt race?

Ford Escort Service

Why, escort services, of course.  In fact, it would appear that the escort industry (and we can’t tell you how difficult it was not to use the sarcasm quotes back there) will thrive all weekend on the two industries that have managed to come out well in this rather sharp and steep economic downturn:

This is the best weekend this year,” Prince Wong, owner of Singapore Escort Services, told THE STRAITS TIMES… Wong, who said his clients are foreign bosses in the gas and banking industries, declined to reveal the identity of both client and escort.

Well, okay… the one industry that’s made out like bandits and the other that will do so shortly on the backs of world taxpayers, especially American ones.   You get the idea.  Still, we wonder how Singapore found itself the recipient of a Formula One race for the first time.  Is it possible Mr. Wong managed to find Nazi costumes for his girls?

Read more…

Prostitute Wants to ‘Get on her Knees’ For Mosley

On Thursday, Formula one boss Max Mosley won £60,000 in his privacy action against the NEWS OF THE WORLD who falsely accused him of taking part in a “sick Nazi orgy”. Things just keep getting better for Max, on Friday a woman told the press that she was ready to get down on her knees for him.

Max Mosley

That woman is none other than “Woman E” the prostitute who secretly taped the Nazi German themed five-hour orgy who broke her silence last night. TIMES ONLINE reports “Woman E, who was paid about £10,000 for the Sky interview, said that she would ‘get on her knees and apologise’ to Mr Mosley, adding: ‘I didn’t think about what I was doing. I was stupid, naive.’”

Read more…

Cheeky Cheerleader Photos Cause Coach To Quit

• Provocative photos of CFL cheerleaders cause a coach to call it quits.

CFL cheerleaders

• Coming to a college campus near you - NCAA-regulated beach volleyball.

LeBron James promises the U.S. will win basketball gold once again.

• Unfortunately for swimmer Jessica Hardy, her chances for Olympic glory have been sunk by a failed drug test.

Happy* 44th* birthday*, Barry* Bonds*! Read more…

F1 Chief Mosley Wins Damages Over Orgy Photos

Formula One head Max Mosley has been through a lot after NEWS OF THE WORLD published photos of him involved in what appeared to be a Nazi-themed, sado-masochistic orgy involving Holocaust-related death scenes. He had to cop to an S&M fetish, which shocked his wife Jean. So, what does he do? Thanks to more liberal laws regarding privacy suits in the U.K., he sued the tabloid and the courts ruled in his favor to the tune of £60,000.

Max Mosley

Per THE GUARDIAN, the judge did not find anything resembling Nazi themes in the video.

Read more…

Blog-O-Rama: Sixers Fan Brands Own Elton Jersey

• DEADSPIN finds a fan who just couldn’t wait for Philly stores to carry new Elton Brand Sixers jerseys (sorry, Shawn Bradley).

Elton Brand altered Shawn Bradley Sixers jersey

• FOOD COURT LUNCH whips up an apology FIA boss Max Mosley might want to try out on his embarrassed wife of 48 years.

• BUGS & CRANKS feels they’re suited for the best job available in Boston - wearing the costume of Red Sox mascot Wally The Green Monster.

• The CLEVELAND LEADER finally sees a championship for the Ohio city in its sights, thanks to a local teacher at this year’s World Series of Poker.

Read more…

FIA Boss’ Sexual Perversion Good For A Laugh?

Max Mosley, the FIA boss best known for his Nazi sex orgy video, admits he’s had a life-long obsession with sado-masochistic acts - one his wife of 48 years knew nothing about.

Max Mosley Nazi sex orgy

The LONDON DAILY MAIL spanks up the confession from Mosley, who’s in court suing NEWS OF THE WORLD for publishing pics of his naughty Nazi-themed fling with five prostitutes.

Max admitted that he’s enjoyed carnal corporal punishment “from a young age“, but he kept his dirty desires secret from his wife, Jean. When the photos were released to the public, Mosley said that the little missus was “completely and utterly devastated“. Gee, we wonder why.

Mosley denies that his latest photo-captured erotic adventure was Nazi-esque, claiming that he could think of “few things so unerotic” as concentration camp roleplay. But while he may dispute shouting “Sieg Heil” and abusing prostitutes dressed as prisoners, Mosley does admit that such brutal hijinks are actually good for a chuckle or two: Read more…