Tonight’s bedtime story involves adult film star and former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey, the Orlando Magic’s Dwight Howard, and Chris Kirkpatrick from N*SYNC. One of them takes off their pants, and it isn’t Carey. Also there’s Bible verses.
Oh come on, you weren’t going to sleep tonight anyway.
In an interview with a Sacramento radio station on Tuesday, Carey — who was in town to promote a strip club, natch — told a pretty amazing story about being pursued by Howard, who showed up at Kirkpatrick’s house to see her while Carey was on a date with Kirkpatrick. Look, you’ll just have to hear it from her.
Includes a guest appearance by Mr. Mxyzptlk, as I am going to call this particular Superman body part.
I guess with all the trade deadline rumors about deals that did or didn’t happen, it’s kind of easy to overlook the most important thing in baseball: the standings. Because the story no one seems to be talking about is the fact that the best records in each league belong to teams in Southern California, setting up a real possibility of the first-ever Freeway Series between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the…let’s just call them the Angels.
Both teams looked the part of World Series contenders on Sunday. In Atlanta, the Dodgers used a three-run homer by Matt Kempto pound the Braves 9-1; meanwhile, the Angels hammered the Twins 13-4 to complete a three-game road sweep where they scored 35 runs. And while not everything is 100 percent for either team (Chad Billingsley left his start early with cramps during the Dodgers’ win, while Vladimir Guerrero suddenly turned 150 years old this season for the Angels), there’s at least a strong possibility of an all-LA (kinda, sorta) World Series.
And as a baseball fan living in Los Angeles, here’s my feeling on this: I hope to God this doesn’t happen. The first reason is selfish: I have to drive past Dodger Stadium every day for work - it’s almost impossible for a Tuesday night game against Florida, so I can’t imagine what a World Series game against the Angels would be like. A 30-minute commute turning into a two-hour nightmare? No thanks.
But more importantly, I’d have to hear weeks of coverage about the series as if it’s a real, heated rivalry. Which would make my head explode, because it just isn’t. This isn’t Red Sox vs. Yankees, with real, palpable hatred. Or even Yankees vs. Mets or Cubs vs. White Sox, both of which are city rivalries with loads of class, race and societal baggage (in that who you root for speaks volumes about who you are and where you came from).
Dodgers vs. Angels has none of this. People root for one or the other based on which ballpark was closer to them growing up. (Fortunately, the area that is equidistant from Dodger Stadium and Angel Stadium is the mini-mall and warehouse-filled patch of nothingness called Norwalk.) If Dodger fans think about the Angels at all, it’s with a dismissive chuckle. Meanwhile, Angels fans will quickly point out who has the last World Series title while secretly grimacing at the whole “Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim” fiasco.
If you’re a big NFL fan near Troy, NY tonight, you might want to check out some minor-league baseball as the Tri-Cities ValleyCats take on the Oneonta Tigers. Why? Because SI’s Peter King is going to be throwing out the first pitch and hanging out with fans to talk about the upcoming season, along with a host of NFL experts including NFL.COM’s Adam Schefter, Sporting News’ Albert Breer, NY Giants radio voice Bob Papa and Redskins lineman Ross Tucker.
The CHICAGO TRIBUNE breathlessly reports that Jay Cutlercompleted his first 12 passes during 7-on-7 drills at camp yesterday. Although to be fair, Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman probably couldn’t complete 12 passes back and forth to each other.
Formula One driver Jensen Button spent part of his break from racing competing in the London Triathlon, where he set a personal best. I would have spent the time watching his girlfriend Jessica Michibata giving her personal best while modeling bikinis on a beach in Japan.
Letdown City: the rally car racing final at the X Games gets stopped halfway through when Travis Pastrana wrecks his car, handing the win to former Indy 500 winner Kenny Brack. To celebrate, Brack knocked back a tall glass of ice cold Red Bull and milk.
I guess you could say that the Red Sox’s trade for Victor Martinez has paid some early dividends: he went 5-for-6 in Boston’s 18-10 win over Baltimore. Too bad Clay Buchholz is still not very good at pitching to big league hitters.
MARKS FRIGGIN reports that yesterday, sex-for-money performer Mary Carey appeared on Howard Stern.
(Howard Stern claims he’s seen Cabrera, Carey having sex on video)
During the visit, Stern claimed that he saw a video of Carey having sex with Yankees outfielder Melky Cabrera. I wasn’t able to find any such production online, but I do remember seeing Carey in a vid a couple months ago - as she attemped to communicate with a shirtless Cabrera in a random hotel room. Hmmm.
(Athletes having sex with Mary? Get on the back of the train)
So, did they indeed have sex?
(See a pattern developing?)
And how did Cabrera, who speaks spare English, end up ensnarled with a porno parasite like Carey? (Video after the jump.)
Let’s face it: LeBron James is at the level right now where unless his team takes the NBA Championship, his season is a bitter disappointment. With those epic expectations, the vast majority of his career will probably be a pressure-filled letdown. And who wants that? Especially when he can walk away from the court and instead lend his prodigious talents to the world of pornography instead.