Exclusive: Pearl Endures ESPN Employ Embargo

Terrelle Pryor’s escape from the burning building that is the Ohio State football program straight onto an ESPN set is firmly esconced in the long, illustrious history of unintentionally comedic ESPN programming decisions.

Bruce Pearl

But while Pryor was deified by ESPN mere hours after the extra-beneficiary torched future OSU football fortunes, the same can’t be said for another notorious NCAA arsonist: former Tennessee basketball coach Bruce Pearl. Read more…

Lou Holtz And Dwight Howard: Gripping Television

Lou Holtz’s daptacular display with Dwight Howard this week on ESPN makes it official.

We can now never, ever say ESPN doesn’t give us exactly what we want.
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Lee Corso Stroke: Is It Affecting GameDay Show?

Michael David Smith today @ AOL Fanhouse: Lee Corso suffered a stroke in May, and on Saturday’s College GameDay, it was obvious from hearing him speak that he hasn’t completely recovered from it. But I admire him for staying on the air, and I admire ESPN for allowing him to stay on the air.”

Lee Corso on GameDay set picks LSU while Kirk Herbstreit gives Gator chomp

(Corso picks LSU today on GameDay while Herbstreit gives Gator chomp)

I actually think there hasn’t been much dropoff in Corso’s performance to this point. And I never thought I’d say this: I miss him on afternoon and evening drop-ins. He, for me, crossed-over into a living room personality long ago - type of guy you don’t realize you miss until he’s gone. A little like Leno. Read more…

Lou Holtz Has Some Advice For Michael Crabtree

The scene: Lou Holtz’s office. Michael Crabtree knocks, and opens the door. LOU: “Ah, the pizza is here. Finally.” MICHAEL: “No, it’s me, Mr. Holtz. Michael Crabtree.” LOU: “You were wise to come to me, son. Please, sit down.” (There are no chairs in the office; only a tackling sled and a bowl of walnuts). LOU (still wearing bib from lunch): “Now what seems to be the problem, Matthew?”

Lou Holtz

The problem of course, is that the 49ers are 1-0, and Crabtree is still as far from being a 49er this season as Jerry Rice. In fact, as the ex-Texas Tech receiver’s holdout enters Week 71 (actual facts may vary), there’s talk of him sitting out two seasons before reentering the draft (which he’d have to do before being eligible for free agency).

Our favorite neighborhood coaching TV pundit thinks that’s crazy talk, of course. See the video below, in which Holtz addresses the whole mess in response to a question by Crabtree himself. Read more…

Lou Holtz Thinks Irish Will Play For National Title

During his time at the helm of Notre Dame football, there was no fiercer, more persistent detractor of the Fighting Irish than Lou Holtz. Read that again: detractor. Nobody slow-played their team like Uncle Lou, consistently wringing his hands to the media about the problems he saw in practice and how Army could shock the world and easily beat his boys. It rarely came true, of course, and Notre Dame usually rolled to an easy victory all the same (which should tell you everything you need to know about coaches as a valid, useful source of knowledge).

Lou Holtz
(This man’s unbiased, right?)

So it’s ironic, then, that Holtz is now singing the Irish’s praises to a rather incredible length. Expectations are somewhat high for the Irish as Charlie Weis tries to rebuild the mess he made, but certainly nobody’s talking titles. Well, nobody but Holtz.

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Fuming Fielder Attempts To Attack LA Clubhouse

Prince Fielder gets royally p.o.’ed at Guillermo Mota for plunking him, then tries to crash the Dodgers’ clubhouse after the game.

Prince Fielder

(Look out! Here he comes!)

• Tulsa, Oklahoma, has hopes to host the 2020 Olympics. If they can get a spokesperson like Katarina Witt, then we might just listen.

Reggie Wayne comes to Colts camp in a dump truck & decked out in construction worker gear. Your move, Clinton Portis.

• The NHL plans to suspend & not pay any players who get hurt during any Olympic summer training camp.

Frank Deford dresses down ESPN, calling the Worldwide Leader a “journalistic disgrace“.

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Lou Holtz Considering FL Congressional Campaign

To look through the stories SPORTSbyBROOKS has written about Lou Holtz over the years is to jump down a rabbit hole into an abyss of utter insanity. In the past year alone, the Elmer Fudd of college football has conquered Japan, praised Adolf Hitler’s leadership skills, dressed up as a fake psychiatrist, and stuck up for a race-baiting Dixiecrat politician. Interesting career moves for anyone, let alone one of ESPN’s premier college football experts.

Lou Holtz

Perhaps sensing that the Worldwide Leader in Sports is not the ideal milieu for the unhinged rantings of an old, rich white man, serial job-hopper Holtz is reportedly considering an all-new career that fits his personality better: Republican Congressman from Florida.

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Speed Read: T.O. Lobbies, Tweets For Mike Vick

When SbB held its first 30-day moratorium poll this past week, I was somewhat disappointed that there could be only one winner. And while the actual choice (who shall not be named) was fine enough, it meant that we were still going to have to talk about what Terrell Owens is doing.

TO and Michael Vick

And that, today, is apparently suggesting that Roger Goodell go spend some time in prison so that he knows what Michael Vick has been through. This in response to the idea floating around that Goodell plans to suspend Vick for four games as a condition for returning to the league. Ray Ratto thinks T.O. might have some ulterior motives, but that he appears to be genuine in his support for Vick. Now, about the suspension…well, I can’t put it nearly as eloquently as T.O. can (via FANHOUSE):

“I don’t think it’s really fair for him to be suspended four more games. That’s almost like kicking a dead horse in the ground.”

Well said, sir.

He’s also using Twitter to try and round up support for Vick, hoping that a groundswell of public sentiment will sway Goodell. I mean, it’s just like that whole thing over in Iran.

Oddly, T.O. has a bit of a point. Vick’s livelihood was taken away while he was in prison, so why would Goodell feel the need to tack on a token suspension that is the same length as one for a first violation of the league’s drug policy? I mean, if he really considered the prison time as separate from the league’s punishment, then you would think the suspension would be harsher, like a year or something. Otherwise, isn’t being out of the league for two years and going bankrupt serving the same purpose? I don’t think Goodell has to give him four games off to prove that the NFL doesn’t approve of dogfighters. I think that’s pretty well understood, considering you get in trouble for wearing your socks wrong in that league.

Michael Vick chased by dog

Don’t be fooled by that 5-0 win by Mexico over the U.S. in the CONCACAF Gold Cup final yesterday at Giants Stadium. The Americans have been playing this entire tournament with a second-tier squad made up mostly of players with little international experience. The Mexicans, meanwhile, put a much better team out on the field, as was shown by their dominance throughout the tournament. And, while it was sad to see the U.S. team fall apart, the way Mexico dismantled our guys in the second half was quite a thing to watch (the game was scoreless at halftime). Get ready for goooooooooooools-a-plenty:

The U.S. was somewhat fortunate to advance this far, struggling to a tie with powerhouse Haiti and needing extra time to beat Panama. So a loss was to be expected, though the magnitude was larger than anyone thought. It’s the worst loss for the U.S. since 1985. Perhaps it was for the best that it was only on in English on the tiny Fox Soccer Channel.

If anything, this was a moral boost for the Mexicans going into the huge showdown on August 12th between the two countries in World Cup qualifying in Mexico City. None of the players the U.S. used yesterday are likely to play in that game, while a couple of Mexico’s players will probably see action. But I can’t imagine that this game is really going to have much impact on the qualifier. The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS’ Filip Bondy seems to think that the credibility the U.S. earned in games against Spain and Brazil is diminished by this result, but anyone who follows the sport closely (ie. everyone in the world besides Americans) knows that the U.S. lineup was a shell of the team that made waves in South Africa.

The NEW YORK TIMES seems to have grasped this, and notes that all of the goodwill Mexico earned yesterday could be lost if they can’t beat the Americans in August. The U.S. is 0-22-1 all-time in Mexico, but a win by the Americans would be devastating to the hosts, who are fourth in the qualifying group (only the top three automatically make the World Cup). The U.S. is currently in second place behind Costa Rica.

Mexico gold cup

• The Ravens were stunned by Derrick Mason’s retirement, so they went out and signed Drew Bennett to replace him. Bennett lasted all of two days before deciding to retire yesterday. You just aren’t meant to have wide receivers, Baltimore.

• Wait, who’s in first place in the NL Central? Oh yeah, it’s the team the Phillies are going to sweep in the first round in October.

Keith Olbermann says that Sparky Anderson and Pete Rose spoke for the first time in 20 years on Saturday in Cooperstown. Rose shows up every year to sign memorabilia on HOF weekend.

Sparky Anderson Pete Rose

• Ladbrokes is offering 100-1 odds that one of Roger Federer’s twin daughters will win Wimbledon by the age of 25. They’re five days old.

Dinara Safina: Really good at winning tournaments nobody cares about.

Lou Holtz took a Notre Dame alumni team over to Japan, where he coached them to a 19-3 win over the Japanese national team. No word on whether or not “Dr. Lou” made an appearance on Japanese television.

• MENTAL FLOSS challenges you to pick which hat 14 Hall of Famers wore to their induction.

Dwyane Wade is tweeting to Lamar Odom, trying to coax him down to Miami. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that a bag of Jolly Ranchers will do the trick.

candy

• A cricket player was struck by lightning in Brooklyn yesterday afternoon during a match. He’s listed in serious condition. The ghost of Gil Hodges has been brought in for questioning.

• Massive rivals AC Milan and Inter Milan met yesterday in, of all places, Gillette Stadium in Foxboro. In other news, the Giants and Jets will play each other this year in Reykjavik.

• French president Nicolas Sarkozy can’t stand the heat. Literally. He collapsed while jogging yesterday in Paris, but he’s going to be just fine. Which means we can run this picture of his wife without any guilt:

Carla Bruni Sarkozy

 

What do you think of a rumored 4-game suspension for Michael Vick?

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ND Alums Facing Japan In Football. Wait, What?

If we were to tell you that Lou Holtz is doing something very weird, you’d probably think something like, “Oh God, he’s dishing out sex advice on those “Dr. Lou” segments, isn’t he? Oh, and it’s terrible advice, like ‘chicks who have been to prison will do anal,’ isn’t it? It was only a matter of time.” But no, this news is weirder than that. He has taken to the Internet to announce that he’s returning to coaching. And recruiting old Notre Dame players to play as Notre Dame. To play against Japan. In outer space*.

Japanese Football
(Wait, this is real?)

WITH LEATHER, which last I checked doesn’t even sell leather, has the bizarre story. It looks like there’s some Notre Dame alumni meeting in Tokyo**, and to mark the occasion, Lou Holtz is bringing over a bunch of the Golden Domers to play an exhibition football game against some Japanese all-star team. But little do they know… Japanese football is actually this! Well, okay, no it isn’t.

There’s a particularly surreal video of Dr. Lou trying to recruit these alumni, via YouTube, after the break. Read more…

Ex-Giants WR Forgot To Show Up For Prison Time

• Ex-Giants receiver Mark Ingram is on the lam for skipping out on the start to his prison sentence. What kind of example is that for Plaxico to follow?

Mark Ingram Giants

• The Kings Sac(k) the Lakers in a rare Cowtown beatdown.

Corey Dillon is a bit concerned if it really takes 14 months and $470,000 to fix a Ferrari.

CC Sabathia bolts the Brewers to set up shop in the Bronx.

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