Yankees, Blue Jays Trade Punches In Basebrawl

• The Bronx Bombers blow up in a Tuesday night fight with the Blue Jays.

Yankees Blue Jays brawl

• And if Derek Jeter’s gonna brawl, he’s gonna need a mighty moustache.

• Seems that Wisconsin civic leaders have a problem with 12-year-old albino boys playing football with a tinted helmet visor.

• A Walter Payton statue in front of Soldier Field: A tribute to a Chicago Bears legend, or an insult to America’s veterans?

• ESPN will truly offer a college basketball marathon, as Monmouth & St. Peter’s agree to tip off at 6 a.m. Eastern.

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I Guess The Packers Hate Babies, Love Fat People

The age-old conflict between fat people and babies is being waged once again in West Allis, Wisconsin, and all we can do is take cover and hope the side that wins will be benevolent rulers. Tony Sparacino, a 83-year-old longtime Green Bay Packers fan, is challenging the team’s policy of requiring babies to have tickets to get into Lambeau Field.

His reasoning? There’s bench seating at Lambeau, and the Packers let enormous fat people take up two seats (or more) with only one admission. So why should babies, who sit in people’s laps and don’t take up a seat at all, have to have their own ticket?

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Veggie-Friendly Teams Play Like Vegetarian Crap

PETA doesn’t want you to have that hot dog at the game. They don’t want you to set up a grill to tailgate in the parking lot. Basically, they don’t want you to have any fun at a football game. And now to make it easier for you to not have fun, they’ve ranked the top five most vegetarian friendly NFL stadiums. And with a combined record of 25-34-1, it’s not hard to wonder if those five teams are getting enough protein.

Fat Guy Eating Burger

Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego took the top spot, for their “bean burritos, veggie sushi rolls, vegetable wraps, veggie hot dogs, and Gardenburgers.” I’m not surprised that San Diegans are watching their figures; most just use sporting events as an excuse to get a base tan. But the other ones on the list, including two perennial contenders for the fattest city in America, leave me scratching my head.

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We’ve Not Heard Last Of The Packers Bikini Girls

Buried at the end of a column published Saturday, the MILWAUKEE JOURNAL-SENTINEL has an update on those Lambeau Bikini girls we’ve all come to know and love.

Lambeau Field Bikini Girls Packers Maxim

Apparently, the Maxim spread is still very much a possibility. Which is a polite way of saying, “God Bless America.” Read more…

Eli To Fiancée: “You’re Sitting In The Stands”

The NEW YORK POST notes today in a cover story that Eli Manning’s fiancée, Abbie McGrew, will be sitting outside at Lambeau Field in the bitter cold during the Giants-Packers game today.

Eli Manning Abbie McGrew

(Eli’s Ice Queen - Abbie McGrew)

Not because she wants to, but because, as Cooper Manning told the NYP, Eli said “I don’t care if it’s 4 degrees in Green Bay, you’re sitting in the stands. ”

Ms. McGrew, who has been holding on for dear life with Eli since college, had previously sat in suites for games. But because the Giants always seemed to play poorly during those contests, she began sitting in the stands (and wearing ear plugs, we assume). From that, it’s safe to assume that you’ll have to pry a marriage to Eli away by her cold, dead ring finger.

Don’t believe us? Then check out the hilarious amusing dead-on comparison the NYP presents between McGrew and Jessica Simpson. Read more…

Packer Backers Picky In Regards To Selling Seats

Any Giants fans hoping to snag a seat at Lambeau Field better open up their wallets - and be on their best behavior.

Lambeau Field crowd

The NEW YORK DAILY NEWS reports that ticket prices for Sunday’s NFC Championship Game are averaging over $600 a seat, with some stubs going as high as $3,500 each.

But the cost shouldn’t be too steep for some G-Men fans, who made a nice profit of their own selling their seats to Pats backers back in December.

But Packer Backers are being cautious about who they give their goods to.

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The Ski Gloves Really Make It A Lovely Ensemble

Some snowy snaps from the Bay yesterday:

Packers Fans Wearing Cheese Bras

(Kid on right - needs a better angle)

Mike Holmgren

We find it weird that Mike Holmgren has a street named after him outside Lambeau Field. The NFL is funny that way, like inducting guys into the Hall of Fame, who then ended up coaching again.

Blog: Another Lambeau Leap Crotch Grab

• WTMJ in Milwaukee sees the Packers perverts are at it again with the Lambeau Leap Crotch Grab - and this time, it’s security guards getting in on the action:

Lambeau Leab crotch grab Packers

• During the Trojans’ season-ending undoing of UCLA, INSIDE USC overheard the Coliseum PA announcer start the 2nd half with the declaration, “Your USC Chargers!“• FRIENDS OF CRAZY JOE DAVOLA thinks the Brewers were drunk when they signed Eric Gagne to a 1-year, $10 million deal.

• DEUCE OF DAVENPORT gets down with Ravens lineman Jonathan Ogden, who shakes his money maker for low car insurance rates:


• MAXIM.COM is sorry for signing off on these autographed ball apologies.• YOU BEEN BLINDED says, “Bah, Humbug!” to an Xmas present of a Todd Marinovich Raiders jersey.

Green Bay Packers Ask Fans To Shovel Snow At Lambeau Field

CONFIRMED: THERE ARE ZERO HOME DEPOTS IN GREEN BAY: The ASSOCIATED PRESS provides a want ad for the Green Bay Packers, as the team looks for help in snow removal from Lambeau Field:

Lambeau Field Snow Shovelers

A blizzard dumped massive amounts of the white stuff on the ballpark this week, and the Packers “said they’ll need about 300 shovelers beginning at 8 a.m. and continuing throughout the day. The Packers will provide the shovels. Shovelers must be 15 and will be paid $8 an hour when they’re done.

Lambeau Field Shovel

This must mean only one thing, there are no Home Depots in Green Bay.

Manhunt On For Lambeau Creep Who Grabbed Ruvell Martins Junk

LAMBEAU CREEP - MANHUNT FOR INFAMOUS PACKER PERV: There’s a desperate manhunt going on in Wisconsin. John Jagler of Milwaukee’s WTMJ-AM is searching for the man “who grabbed Packers Wide Receiver Ruvell Martin’s junk at Sunday’s game against the Vikings“:

Ruvell Martin Crotch Grabbed By Fan

Packers receiver Donald Driver told Jagler Tuesday night that “what happened to Ruvell ‘just ain’t right’ and says it’s the talk of the lockerroom.

Ruvell Martin Crotch Grabbed By Fan

The season ticket holder is probably from Milwaukee, so the first person who provides information leading to the arrest and conviction of the penis poacher will be rewarded with two tickets to a Milwaukee Bucks game. The second person? Four tickets to a Bucks game.