Slice Of Life: Elton John, Bad Tattoos, Porn Party

Time we caught up with non-sequitur insanity that is Kimbo Slice’s life.

Had dinner with one of the best that ever did it, and I dont mean Roy. Thats Elton John btw“:

Kimbo Slice Photo With Elton John

“Look at this tat this guy put on his leg”:

Kimbo Slice Tattoo

 Of course, a Kimbo update wouldn’t be complete without a porn-related piccie.

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SbB Official Kimbo Slice Porn Acting Debut Update

Saturday Kimbo Slice Tweeted: “On our way to Vegas with the RealityKings fam, AVN awards.

(’Actresses’ already proficient in art of the speedbag)

‘RealityKings’ is the porn company Slice (aka Kevin Ferguson) did bodyguard work for before he broken into MMA. Since Slice is now a pseudo celebrity, apparently the RealityKings guys decided it was time for him to make his porn video debut. (Aisle 1, Bad Idea Dept.)

Kimbo Slice Flies to AVN Awards in Vegas with his brother

(I like to call him Kimbro)

I am happy to report though that Kimbo was not nominated for AVN’s ‘newcomer of the year’ award.

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Kimbo Slice Will Bring The Gun Show Right To You

Recall that it was only about 18 months ago that the Kimbo Slice mystique had yet to be shattered by total whodat Seth Petruzelli, and he was still just a really, really terrifying individual with a giant beard. Even his name was scary, since it conjured up images of knife murder, which you absolutely cannot rule out around that man.

Kimbo Gun
(WOW THAT IS A REAL GUN)

Well, once he got the ol’ KTFO from Petruzelli, Slice bounced around the fringes of fighting fame for a quick minute, and now he’s trying to work his way back through TUF, which, whatever, right? Turns out he took the training seriously - seriously enough to up the ante from actual arms to firearms.

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Speed Read: Rich Rod Fails At Jedi Mind Tricks

Rich Rodriguez finally has some breathing room at Michigan. After going on the hot seat after a 3-9 debut season that was the worst in school history, Rodriguez was almost buried before the season began by a range of allegations including violating NCAA practice rules and getting sued for a condo deal gone bad. But after a 38-34 win over Notre Dame in one of the most amazing college football games ever played a college football game, the Wolverines are back in the Top 25 and suddenly relevant again.

Rich Rodriguez point

So how does Rich Rod celebrate this stunning reversal of fortune? Exactly like you would expect he would: by opening his fool mouth and blowing out any goodwill he had earned by blatantly lying. It’s not his fault: it’s human nature. We all revert back to our default mechanisms at some point. For Rodriguez, it’s making an ass out of himself.

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Should Brock Lesnar Be The Face Of MMA Or Not?

UFC 100 is coming up, and with it, a mea culpa. I didn’t give MMA its due. I thought it was a fad. But the premier promotion is up to their 100th event with no signs of slowing, and I have to admit that at this point in time, MMA is healthier than boxing.

Brock Lesnar MMA

So, as someone less than immersed in the scene, I have to wonder if MMA fans aren’t disappointed in the main event for what’s being billed as UFC’s “biggest event ever.” Brock Lesnar, he of three career UFC bouts and a background in fake fighting, is your UFC heavyweight champion and main event headliner. Does this piss on everything MMA’s worked so hard to become?
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Week In Review: Courtney A New Hot Rod Force

• Along with sister Ashley, Courtney has hit the drag strip as another hot hot-rodding Force to be reckoned with.

Courtney Force

• High school cheerleaders in Texas can sure pull off some crappy pranks.

• Broncos WR Brandon Marshall appears to enjoy beating up women.

• This soccer celebration on top of a Brazilian bus could have gone better.

Danica Patrick signs some boobs in her latest TV commercial for Boost Mobile. Sounds sexy, right? Well…

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Force Sister Continues to Bring “Hot” to Hot Rods

• Racers on the hot rod circuit will have to deal with a new emerging (and enchanting) force - Ashley Force’s younger sister Courtney:

Courtney Force

• Everything is magical about Tom Brady - from his supermodel wife to his miraculously quick recovery from knee surgery.

Kimbo Slice is trying to get back into MMA the only way he knows how - through a UFC reality TV series.

• Justice Clarence Thomas knows how to keep football recruits committed to Nebraska - by speaking at their high school commencement.

• Remember to always take special care when celebrating your soccer team’s promotion on top of a bouncy Brazilian bus.

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Kimbo Slice’s Path To UFC Through Reality Show

Kimbo Slice went from Lord of the YouTubes to MMA’s first potential mainstream attraction, until a flamboyant, pink-haired little fighter showed that the emperor had no clothes. So complete was his collapse that EliteXC was pulled into his wake and sank.

Kimbo Slice

But no fighter quits after one loss, and Slice wants to work his way back to the top. In the sport right now, that’s UFC. But given UFC President Dana White’s outspoken stance on Slice, he’s not exactly welcome there. So he’s going to literally have to work his way up from the bottom. So Slice is going on a reality show to earn a spot in UFC.

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Speed Read: Bearcats Go Bust In Their BCS Debut

It started so well for Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl against Virginia Tech. On their first drive of their first-ever BCS bowl game, they marched down the field and scored a touchdown thanks to a pair of big receptions by TE Mardy Gilyard. It was an instant 7-0 lead and a sign to anyone switching over from the dog that was the Rose Bowl that this game could be good.

Cincinnati QB Tony Pike after throwing another INT against the Hokies

And then…pfft. Cincinnati spent the rest of the game playing like a team that was scared to death of being on the big stage. Meanwhile, the Hokies were being the Hokies - physical,  methodical, boring - and just doing enough to salt the game away. The end result? A 20-7 Virginia Tech victory that was moderately more fun to watch than the Sun Bowl. (Hey, at least El Paso had The Village People!)

Meanwhile, in Japan…well, it’s your usual assortment of weirdness from the world of K-1. Specifically, their latest fight card was headlined by Bob Sapp, who combines the physique of Butterbean with the MMA fighting skills of Kimbo Slice into one freak show package that the Japanese can’t get enough of even if no one in the US cares. (Sort of like Cheap Trick.)

Bob Sapp versus a cartoon character

His latest opponent? Um, some guy in a wrestling mask that Sapp outweighed by 140 pounds. And oh yeah, the guy he fought was based on a cartoon character named Kinnikuman. Basically, it’s like if Brock Lesnar fought against the actual Captain Crunch. No, I don’t get it either, but I don’t get most Japanese things (Shonen Knife, sushi, Bobby Valentine). CAGE WRITER has analysis of the card and video of the Sapp/Fictional Character match:

Here’s what else was happening while you were breaking some to all of your New Year’s Resolutions:

  • Bad news for Florida Gator fans: AWFUL ANNOUNCING says that according to Fox, Tim Tebow has apparently decided to transfer to Cincinnati. And play right tackle. And convert to Islam. Either that, or the graphics department at Fox is a mess.
  • Tim Tebow playing for Cincinnati

  • UTEP back-up QB Jeken Frye was attacked on New Year’s Eve by a group of known gang members who came to the house he was at armed with crowbars and metal water meter covers. Not to make light of a serious situation, but honestly - metal water meter covers?
  • The roof of the Ora L. Wildermuth Intramural Center at Indiana was damaged by careless welders (wasn’t that a Wham song?), according to the AP. It’s named after the former school president from the 1930s and 1940s who favored strict segregation. Chuck D. says to let the sucker burn.
  • In case you missed it (and frankly, I can’t imagine that you did), video has finally been posted of David Hasselhoff’s triumphant National Anthem performance at the Las Vegas Bowl. And you know what? He’s not quite Marvin Gaye, but it wasn’t a Carl Lewis-style meltdown, either.
  • CAGE WRITER has another UFC fighter doing a Rampage Jackson impersonation: Josh Neer was arrested after leading Iowa police on a lengthy, high-speed car chase. Yeah, but it wasn’t a monster truck, and he sure didn’t have his picture on the side of his car.
  • The CINCINNATI ENQUIRER has word of a girls high school basketball player who is suing her school because she was injured while scrimmaging against men. But the good news is that the way her shoulder separated was very fundamentally sound.
  • Eastern Washington head basketball coach Kent Earlywine missed out on coaching his team against Boise State on Monday, according the SPOKANE SPOKESMAN-REVIEW, because he had been popped for a DUI that weekend. But he was able to watch the game online. I guess he had his “wine” a little too “early,” huh? (Insert rimshot here.)
  • The MINNEAPOLIS STAR-TRIBUNE says Minnesota Golden Gophers head hockey coach Don Lucia is suffering from an “undisclosed illness” and might miss his first-ever game in 22 years of coaching the team when they take on Brown tonight. I once went a whole three weeks at my old job between missing time with an “undisclosed illness,” otherwise known as being hungover.
  • The SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE debunks the latest Manny Ramirez rumors, saying “it would be a mistake to put too much stock” into rumors that have the slugger coming to the Giants next season. Still, if you think Dodgers fans hated Barry Bonds
  • Don Larsen might have pitched the only perfect game in World Series history, but the SEATTLE TIMES says his flight from Idaho to New York to tape a segment for the new MLB Network was a perfect mess, turning a 60-hour trip into six days of travel hell.

Choose your favorite rendition of the National Anthem:

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South Florida Coach Leavitt Goes Positively Nuts

• We’re staying positive about South Florida coach Jim Leavitt - positive that he’s gone bonkers at this press conference.

Jim Leavitt South Florida coach all wet

(Really, Jim, you need to cool off)

• What folks could be asking come January: Who let the Vick out? (Who? Who-who?)

• A Idaho high school football fighter flattens his coach - and it’s finally caught on tape!

• Meanwhile, this Sixers cheerleader falls head over heels, and it hurts.

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