Faces Of Jest: For Zorn Over His Untimely Ouster

Images of Jim Zorn, who was culled today by the Redskins:

The Many Faces Of Jim Zorn

(Audio accompaniment)

Thanks to Dan Steinberg of the WASHINGTON POST.

SbB@3: More Denise Austin, Less Balloon Boy!

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This week on a very special What You Won’t Watch, Fitness dominatrix Denise Austin — who has become a regular here — convinces you to stretch in ways you never thought possible. Also, horribly putrid college football, constructing a Donald Trump combover, and “CBS Early Show” hosts annoy the nine-year-old kid who made that amazing hockey goal. Read more…

Riggins Incinerates Redskins’ Coach, GM (Video)

Our older and/or better-read NFL fans will undoubtedly remember John Riggins, the eccentric, bruising running back of the Washington Redskins. He was the Super Bowl XVII MVP, but only after a contract dispute led to him sitting out an entire season on his own volition. Needless to say, he’s an iconoclast.

John Riggins
(That look then: badass. That look now: some combination of badass and homeless.)

He’s also a Redskin to the core, having played his final 10 seasons at RFK, leading to a spot in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The mouth that made him larger than life is still at work, and as you can imagine, he’s not terribly impressed by the current state of affairs.

Riggo went after owner Dan Snyder last month, and now he’s set his sights on head coach Jim Zorn and Vinny Cerrato as GM. Thus, he went to YouTube and delivered a wonderfully eloquent, political, measured soliloquy on–okay, we couldn’t even finish that sentence; he tore Zorn to shreds and told Cerrato to quit football. Video is after the break.

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Shanahan Headed To Redskins? Don’t Do It, Mike!

So Carolina has just scored to lead the Redskins 20-17 with about nine minutes left, perhaps sealing the fate of the embattled Jim Zorn. But word on the street is that Zorn was a lame duck anyway, no matter what he does over the next few weeks.

Jim Zorn, Daniel Snyder, Mike Shanahan

Or, as FOX SPORTS noted today, Dead Coach Walking. The next coach for the Redskins? Mike Shanahan. Maybe.

When owner Daniel Snyder hired a consultant to oversee game plans recently, that should have been a signal to Zorn to start packing. Both of the other times that Snyder’s done that in the past, notes FOX SPORTS (Mike Nolan and Steve Spurrier), the head coach was a gone the very next season. What a mess. Could there be a more dysfunctional owner/franchise is sports right now? I mean not within the Oakland city limits? Read more…

Redskins’ Dan a Sheer Delight Outside The District

Earlier today in Detroit, Redskins Coach Jim Zorn enjoyed a wonderfully delightful moment mugging for the camera with Tom Cruise - before Washington went on to a methodic loss to the Lions, snapping Detroit’s 19-game losing streak. (Zorn’s demise officially elevated to “Spicy“)

Photo Jim Zorn With Tom Cruise Before Redskins Lost To Detroit

(Credit CSN Comcast/DC Sports Bog/Twitter)

Detroit’s stunning non-loss would’ve gone largely unnoticed (at least by me) if it hadn’t been for the lovable ‘Skins, who have as rabid a fanbase and reporting media as anywhere in The League. District-wide reax this week will be already is infinitely more interesting than Monday’s obligatory, Leno fake-funny on the Lions.

Photo Jim Zorn With Tom Cruise Before Redskins Lost To Detroit

(Credit CSN Comcast/DC Sports Bog/Twitter)

To wit, the Twitter of Redskins legend John Riggins, who machine-gunned these Tweets after the game today:

(Yes, WaPo’s Dan Steinerg confirms that’s really Riggo)

So just what in the name of L. Ron was Cruise doing at the game anyway? Redskins announcer Larry Weisman, via Steinberg, has the details.

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Week In Review: Reggie & Kim K. Kaput as Couple

• First Tony & Jess, and now Reggie Bush & Kim Kardashian call it quits. NFL star giving his Hollywood honey the heave-ho trifecta now in play.

Kim Kardashian Reggie Bush

• Tour de France teammate Alberto Contador has some strong words for Livestrong leader Lance Armstrong.

• Florida Panthers exec Uri Man is the man for making moves on Fox News anchor Ainsley Earhardt during an on-air interview.

Zorn has scorn for porn: The Redskins coach says he’s never seen any sexually explicit sites.

• The WNBA’s Washington Mystics won’t use a Kiss Cam at games because they’re afraid of locating lesbians locking lips.

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Panthers VP Hits On Fox Anchor During Interview

• Florida Panthers exec Uri Man shows what kind of man he his by hitting on Fox News anchor Ainsley Earhardt during an on-air interview.

Ainsley Earhardt Uri Man

Bud Selig softening on Pete Rose Hall of Fame ban? Don’t bet on it.

• Ladies & gentlemen, your 2009-10 Sacramento Kings Dance Team!

• And the Jeremy Mayfield meth mess goes on: NASCAR says they have witnesses that saw him do the drug.

• Just because “Zorn” rhymes with “porn”, that doesn’t mean the Redskins coach has ever wanted to seen any.

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Redskins Coach Zorn Has Scorn For Internet Porn

Jim Zorn is a football coach, and football coaches don’t much care for these computers and these Internets. Seriously, they have so many things with which to occupy their time that what bloggers think is, to them, completely irrelevant. We’ve accepted it.

Jim Zorn
(The New Zornographer himself.)

But coaches are still men, and men have needs. Ball-draining needs, at that. And while we’re sure every single reader of ours is such a damn stud that he has no problem convincing his wife/fiancee/girlfriend/prostitute to give it up on command, but for some people, manual stimulation is the way to go. But if Zorn’s ever defiled himself, he didn’t do it the way most of us do.

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Like A Pitiful Orphan, No One Wants The Redskins

LaVar Arrington hates Joe Gibbs
. Clinton Portis hates Jim Zorn. Everybody hates Dan Snyder. Yes, it’s a great time to be involved with the Washington Redskins, as a once-promising season goes down the drain and even local governments don’t want anything to do with the team.

Redskins Logo

Nearby Loudon County, Va., home of the Skins’ training camp and corporate offices, voted to have nothing further to do with the sinking ship. The Board of Supervisors voted against a sweeping partnership with the team that could have led to a Redskins Hall of Fame. For what seems like it might’ve been a pretty good tourist draw, Loudoun demurred over the matter of $100,000.

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Clinton Portis Bashes Coach Jim Zorn On Radio

Well, Jim Zorn has officially passed the fun, “everyone loves him” stage of coaching that included “Horny for Zorny” t-shirts, and is now in the full-fledged dregs of losing streaks and chemistry problems. All it took was benching star running back Clinton Portis.

clinton portis costumes

(The many faces of Portis, via JUSTCALLMEJUICE. Zorn likes none of them.)

With Portis playing in only one series in the second half of Sunday night’s Washington loss to the Ravens, the running back who only a couple weeks ago was the league’s leading rusher was all too happy to unload on Zorn and the rest of the Redskins staff during his weekly appearance on the John Thompson show this afternoon. Luckily, DC SPORTS BOG was transcribing as quickly as Dan Steinberg’s little fingers would move. What do we mean by “unload on”? Well, take a gander yourself:

“We got a genius for a head coach, I don’t know, I’m sure he on top of things. He’s got everything figured out. Hey, that’s up to him. All I can do is when he calls a play is go out and try to execute to the best of my ability.”

How about this gem?:

“What I need to be around for is Sundays and that’s what I try to be around for. So I mean, if you’ve got a problem with me not practicing and can’t do it that way, maybe you feel like you need to sever ties, split ties with me? Split ties with me. But don’t sit here and throw me out like I don’t pay attention, like I don’t know what’s going on, like I’m making mistakes, I’m the problem. You know, so, it is what it is, bro.”

Oh, don’t worry. There’s even more after the jump.

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