A Message To Red Sox ‘Boyfriend’: Act Like a Man

If someone from outside the United States asked me what the best town in America was to get a feel for what Americans are like, I’d send them to Boston. Local folk are patriotic, funny and not shy about physical confrontation. Love The Bean.

Evan Longoria Turns Red Sox Fan Into a Little Bitch

So I was appalled to see a male Red Sox fan, who was afraid to give out his name, crying to the BOSTON HERALD this week about Evan Longoria trying to hook up with his “girlfriend” while the Rays were busy sweeping up the Fens last weekend.

“So this guy won’t stop texting my girl,” said our annoyed dime-dropper. “We are at a concert at the House Of Blues and he messages her: ‘I’m in town what are you up to?’ She replies, ‘With my man at a concert,’ and he says, ‘That’s unfortunate, etc. etc.”

Apparently Evan met the lady in question - who works as a bartender - on one of his previous forays to Fenway and he wanted to get up to bat again. And Longoria wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“He continued texting her all night and the next day. ‘Let’s go shopping, it’s harmless,’ ” said our spy. “And the next day, ‘Let’s go to a movie today.’ ”

The bummed out BF said he tried to “remain calm” during the Text Offensive, but he was rather aggravated. Especially when he found out that Evan was also texting another bartender asking her out, too!

“She, too, has a boyfriend and has told him to lay off, but he stays persistent,” he said.

Now our source - who was adamant about remaining nameless - insists he isn’t just slagging the Rays’ Romeo after the particularly savage beating his team put on our hometown heroes. He believes he is performing a public service!

“I think we should put this guy on blast and let all the guys around town know to make sure you don’t leave your GFs around Evan Longoria while he’s in town because he has no class or respect for other men,” he said.

Okay, if your “girlfriend” gave her number to Longoria, she was obviously interested in hanging out with him in the future. So I don’t blame the Rays third baseman one bit for going back to the well.

At the very least, if I’m going to call out Longoria, man-to-man, I’m not going to hide behind the skirt of the lady who wrote the Herald piece.

If Evan Longoria texted your girlfriend, would you …

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Longoria and the Rays got a big, fat laugh from that sad, little Red Sox fan.

Still can’t believe that happened in The Bean. Might have to re-route my Bangladeshi friend to Chicago.

Joe Maddon May Need to Practice Writing Lineups

Joe Maddon, the manager of the reigning American League champs, has received a bit of a reputation of being the smartest guy in the room, especially in his own mind. If that’s the case, he may want to keep a lower profile after today to avoid hearing any nasty retorts like, “At least I didn’t screw up the lineup card so badly that the pitcher had to hit for himself in an AL game.”

Corrected lineup card from Tampa Bay Rays-Cleveland Indians game

Unfortunately for the stunt double for Gene Hackman from The Conversation, Maddon, his “quality assurance coach”, and his bench coach all missed that Maddon listed Evan Longoria and Ben Zobrist at third base and failed to list a DH.  Therefore, starting pitcher Andy Sonnanstine had to bat for himself in the third slot in the order.

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Troy Percival’s Pottymouth Tears Rays Fans Apart

In all of the 12 months most Rays fans have followed the team, they’ve had very little adversity. Losing a World Series was tough, but it really brought them together as a series of suburbs masquerading as a city. So the current controversy over Troy Percival is uncharted waters for Tampa Bay.

Troy Percival

Bad manners, bad judgement and bad language on the part of the Rays closer has turned the fans against each other. Let’s take a look at what caused the fooferaw, and what the sides have to say.

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Speed Read: Man, The NFC West Is Really Awful

The last time we say the Cardinals take on the 49ers on Monday Night Football was Opening Night of last season, and the result was a 20-17 loss that set the tone for a disappointing 2007 season for Arizona. Flash forward one year and change, and the Cardinals were able to take out the 49ers 29-24 on the strength of a last second goal line stand.

Arizona Cardinals OL Deuce Lutui

Quite a difference one season can make, right? Instead of Matt Leinart looking confused under center, you had Kurt Warner, looking for all the world like an MVP. And at the end of the day, Arizona is 6-3, and a full four games ahead of their nearest NFC West rivals.

Allen Rossum

But really, if you are a Cardinals fan, do you feel any better about the team after last night’s game than you did before? To quote an ex-coach, the 49ers were who we thought they were: a mediocre team with nothing to lose. Great teams put teams like that away early. Good teams let them hang around until the 4th quarter before pulling away. The Cardinals rely on a stop as time expires at the goal line after a questionable “down by contact” ruling.

Perhaps this says less about the Cardinals than it does about the overall awful nature of the NFC West?

In other sports news that happened while you were looking to unload your extra Inauguration tickets:

TJ Downing

What will the end result be of the Arizona Cardinals’ season?

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Longoria After Game 4: “It’s Over Now, Boston!”

Evan Longoria isn’t playing like a rookie this postseason, but it appears as if he may be partying like one. Although the BOSTON HERALD isn’t exactly the finest example of journalism in the land, they are reporting that Longoria was living it up in Boston after Game 4 of the ALCS, declaring “It’s over now, Boston!” Oops.

Evan Longoria

(”Who likes hot girls and thinks we’ll win in five: this guy!”)

Longoria, who has already made headlines for his female-related exploits in Tampa, supposedly had a “star-struck” blonde girl with him all night,  but witnesses suggest that he might not have closed the deal, based on his reaction to some Game 5 heckling.

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Evan Longoria’s Hottie Hookup: NFL Cheerleader?

Evan Longoria is was the toast of Tampa Bay, so it’s no surprise that he was recently seen at a USF football game leading cheers with one of the hottest young women Ybor City has to offer:

Evan Longoria Busty Friend At USF Game Video

(Click for video of E.L.’s “busty friend”)

Thanks to several eagle-eyed tipsters to SbB, I found out that the vibrant, no doubt pilates-sculpted young woman in the video above MIGHT BE a cheerleader for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (more photos and her identity after the jump).

Jaime Hanna Tampa Bay Buccaneers Cheerleader Evan Longoria Girlfriend

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Speed Read: Rays Blast Sox, On Cusp Of WS Bid

The last pitcher to win a postseason game after a 15-day layoff was Red Ruffing of the 1939 New York Yankees. And Ruffing can rest easy (well, that’s not too difficult since he’s dead) because Tim Wakefield’s attempt to match that feat last night didn’t go particularly well. The Rays became the first team to ever score more than nine runs in three consecutive LCS games when they stomped the Sox 13-4 at Fenway last night to move within one victory of the World Series.

Red Sox losing

Some might say, though, that the Sox have the Rays just where they want them. In 2004 and 2007, the Sox trailed by at least a 3-1 margin in the ALCS before coming from way behind to win the series and then sweep the World Series. While it’s certainly not impossible for the Sox to pull this off again, Manny Ramirez is not walking out of that dugout anytime soon and Mike Lowell is officially not available for the rest of the playoffs. Dan Shaughnessy is being very reasonable about all of this, as usual.

But the real story here is the Rays, the former laughing stock franchise that looks like it might be the best team in baseball not only this year, but for years to come. The ST. PETE TIMES’ John Romano is reveling in the moment, and reminds us that the Rays would be the first team in the free agency era to reach the World Series with the lowest payroll in its league. One guy is trying to capitalize while things are going well. According to THE HEATER, the guy who owns EvanLongoria.com is trying to sell it for $25,000 (thanks to YOU BEEN BLINDED for the tip). It would probably be a great place for Longoria to further advance his views on Dominicans, but he’s reportedly not interested in purchasing the domain.

How bored were Sox fans on Tuesday night? Stephen King was curled up with his book by the third inning:

Stephen King

(not tonight, Steve, not tonight)

Tony Gonzalez is a little miffed that he didn’t get moved prior to yesterday’s NFL trade deadline. Jay Glazer is naturally very pleased with himself that he got this scoop. Gonzalez pretty much unloaded on Chiefs GM Carl Peterson for not dumping him for a third-round pick. Gonzalez then took the time to say that even though he was desperate to get away from Kansas City, he’s committed to the team now that he has no choice in the matter.

It was a slow day yesterday on the police blotter. All we got is Sebastian Telfair getting suspended for three games for his 2007 arrest for speeding, driving without a license, and handgun possession. It’s the first trifecta of Telfair’s career.

Finally, the Flyers got their first point of the season last night by taking the Penguins to overtime, but they lost their third consecutive game to begin the season. That’s no wins since the Sarah Palin ceremonial puck drop, for those of you scoring at home. Let’s go to the links:

• As if it isn’t hard enough to drive a race car at 150+ miles per hour through the streets of Surfers Paradise in Australia, I’ve learned that drivers have to turn a blind eye to hundreds of topless (and even fully nude) women who watch the annual Indy Car race from the balconies of the upscale community’s many high-rise apartment buildings. It’s become the Aussie equivalent to Girls Gone Wild and is so notorious that there are commercial DVDs of the debauchery available for purchase online.

edited Indy Car girls gone wild

But now it looks like the authorities are making a point of trying to limit the “action” at this year’s race, which happens on October 26th. According to GOLDCOAST.COM.AU:

INDY organisers have released a code of conduct for race fans staying in apartments within the track precinct.

The document was drawn up following raunchy scenes on balconies, including nudity, at last year’s race.

It says that guests ‘need to ensure the behaviour on the balconies does not offend the general public.’

It’s all very unfortunate, since now the spectators will be forced to just watch a bunch of cars drive in a circle for three hours. And let’s just all give thanks for a minute that this kind of thing hasn’t taken hold at NASCAR tracks around the country:

white trash girl

• When is dirt not just dirt? When it’s official game-used dirt from the San Diego Padres’ home stadium, Petco Park. In that case, it’s actually worth less than dirt. (Thank you, GASLAMP BALL)

• I just about passed out reading this TUCSON CITIZEN story about Arizona baseball player Brad Glenn, who severed nerves and ligaments in his hand when he accidentally put it through a glass coffee table (but I’m one of those people who nearly faints during a blood test). Glenn decided to return for his senior season after being drafted by the A’s this summer, and now he might not be able to play at all next year.

• Utah is the #1 football team in the country, according to one voter in the Harris Interactive Poll. Lya Wodraska of the SALT LAKE TRIBUNE says that the voter is anonymous because the Harris Poll doesn’t require public disclosure of ballots. And, as far as I can tell, the Harris Poll doesn’t publicly disclose its rankings either. It’s supposedly one-third of the BCS formula but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen this poll anywhere. Tulsa might be #1 as far as I know.

• Everyone got so caught up thinking Northwestern was the sleeper team in the Big Ten this year that nobody but THE HLOG seems to have noticed that Minnesota is 6-1 and already bowl eligible, after this weekend’s 27-20 upset of Illinois. The Gophers were 1-11 last year.

• BEYOND THE BLUESHIRTS has the thoughts of a clearly devastated Jaromir Jagr concerning the death of his teammate Alexei Cherepanov.

• SQUAWKING BASEBALL notes that the Mets are having some remorse about the price of their luxury suites at the new Citifield. Not in the way you think, though. The Mets didn’t have any problem selling them, they just now think they didn’t charge enough for them. The suites went for $250,000-500,000. But the suites at the new Yankee Stadium started at $600,000 and also sold well.

• In this NY DAILY NEWS story about Derek Lowe’s impending free agency, John Harper says that Frank McCourt won’t be able to keep guys like Lowe and Rafael Furcal around if the Dodgers end up signing Manny Ramirez to a new contract.

• FOOD COURT LUNCH has the deep, dark confessions of the Indianapolis Colts.

• I’ve seen a lot of long blog posts, but this one just might be the longest. THE GRAND NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS (which is a long blog title too, for that matter) has written a paragraph about every Division I basketball team. All three-hundred-and-whatever of them. Even teams that barely qualify, like St. John’s.

With the Rays’ success this year defying all expectations, what next sports development would be least surprising?

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Evan Longoria Busts Out; Hits 2 Home Runs Too

Yesterday Evan Longoria busted out of a season-long slump against the White Sox by cracking two home runs in Tampa Bay’s Game 1 ALDS victory over Chicago.

Evan Longoria Busty Friend At USF Game Video

(Video Link)

Coincidentally, Longoria got to watch someone else bust out later that night, as DEADSPIN’s Brian Powell has video from ESPN showing Longoria at the USF-Pitt game in TampaRead more…

Speed Read: Time To Perform Last Rites On Cubs

Apparently, not even God can save the Cubs. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE reports that team brought in a priest to spread Holy Water on their bench before Game 1 to exorcise the demons of collapses past. But after last night’s wretched 10-3 loss to the Dodgers in Game 2, the Cubs look ready to call the priest back - this time to perform Last Rites.

Crying Cubs fan

How bad was it last night? How about every starting infielder making an error. Not the kind of night the Cubs needed when Carlos Zambrano decided to bring his less-than-A Game to the mound - more like his Z Game. The only bad news for the Dodgers was that Takashi Saito got shelled, giving up three hits and two runs without recording an out. Somehow I think the Dodgers will take the results.

Eva and Evan Longoria

In other playoff news, it turns out the Rays are pretty good after all. At least we know that Evan Longoria is. Tampa Bay’s rookie sensation became the second player in baseball history to smack homers in his first two post-season at-bats in the team’s 6-4 win over the White Sox. (The first? Gary Gaetti, now a coach with in the Rays’ farm system.) If almost-namesake Eva Longoria sent him champagne to celebrate the Rays’ playoff berth, what’s she going to get him now?

But it wasn’t all sunshine and roses in Tampa last night. As the Rays were doing something historic, the No. 10 South Florida football team was doing something familiar: getting upset on an ESPN Thursday night game. In this case it was Pittsburgh doing the honors, with Dave Wannstedt pulling of the type of victory that will somehow save his job after the team finishes 7-5.

As for other sports news, here’s what you missed while you were watching the Vice Presidential Debate and wondering if Joe Biden was wearing more make-up than Sarah Palin:

John Daly

What Chicago-area sports miracle has the best chance of happening?

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Speed Read: Is FirePeteCarroll.com Available?

Maybe Pete Carroll was right when he called the Pac-10 schedule “ridiculously difficult” - or the Trojans just had another epic meltdown against a far lesser opponent. Either way, the end result was a shocking 27-21 loss to Oregon State.  Yes, those Beavers. The same Beavers who lost to Penn State and Stanford by a combined 39 points.

Oregon State fans

You could look for goats in the game: defensive back Kevin Thomas, who let an interception in the end zone slip through his hands at the end of the first half and into the hands of James Rodgers. Or quarterback Mark Sanchez, who despite three touchdowns also threw a fourth-quarter interception that set up the eventually winning touchdown for the Beavers.

Mark Sanchez

But ultimately, blame has to go to one person: Pete Carroll. Yet again, the Trojans fell flat on their face against teams with far less talent. It’s the second time Oregon State has done it to USC, along with Stanford, UCLA…basically, any team that’s beaten USC since 2002 other than Texas.

The team came out flat and uninspired - a content, cocky team expecting to win because they were USC. (and as the LA TIMES’ FABULOUS FORUM points out, maybe celebrating a touchdown to close to 21-7 isn’t such a great idea, Ronald Johnson.) And the coaching staff was incapable of adjusting until halftime, when they had dug themselves too deep of a hole. But really, who could have seen this being anything but a Trojans blowout. Except maybe for Brooks right before the game:

I like the Beavers and the points tonight, which means I’ll be laughing in about two hours, or waist-deep into my sixth Boilermaker* at Coach & Horses around 12 bells.

…or our own Jason K. in the USC/Ohio State Live Brog two weeks ago:

“And Mark will have plenty of time to recuperate, as USC doesn’t take the field again until Thursday, September 25, when they travel to Oregon State. But remember what happened the last time the Trojans took a trip to Corvallis - a 33-31 shocker.”

Far less of a shock is that the Los Angeles Dodgers finally clinched the NL West title, thanks to the Diamondbacks’ 12-3 thumping by the Cardinals. Now Los Angeles’ notoriously fickle sports fans can forget about USC’s collapse and focus on the Dodgers in the playoffs - until they lose in four games to some team like the Cubs. But by that point, hey, isn’t the Lakers’ season starting?

The Dodgers’ clinching the NL West leaves three playoff spots to be decided: the AL Central race between the Twins and the White Sox, and the Phillies/Mets/Brewers mess for the NL East and/or Wild Card.

The Mets and the Brewers remained tied for the Wild Card, both winning in dramatic fashion: New York using a ninth-inning single by Carlos Beltran for a 6-5 victory over the Cubs, while Milwaukee knocked off the Pirates 5-1 on Ryan Braun’s two-out grand slam in the tenth. The Phillies could only sit home idle and watch their lead in the NL East shrink to one game.

Minnesota Twins celebrate

Meanwhile, the Twins and the White Sox also went ten innings. In this case, Minnesota put together a five-run rally of their own to win 7-6 to complete a series sweep of Chicago and take the AL Central lead for the first time in a month. Even worse, the White Sox seem to be imploded, as the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES reports that Orlando Cabrera seems intent on destroying team chemistry as he heads out of town.

Other late-breaking news last night, straight from the sports desk of Tank McNamara:

Eva Longoria

What was the biggest upset so far in 2008?

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