Oh, so now that you’re getting the Olympics, EYE CANDY CADDIES aren’t good enough for you, eh, England? Hot girls distributing woods and putters are now culturally offensive? Come on Britain, when did you get so high and mighty? I’ve seen your tabloids; you’re not fooling anyone.
(If Ebony Gilbert and Amy Graham can’t caddy, how will they make a living?)
A service that provides attractive girls to act as caddies for a day of golf (and nothing else!) is being banned by at least one string of golf courses in England because the girls “are not appropriate for a game that has been selected as an Olympic sport.” Bollocks!
We swear, that headline is entirely factual. It’s not gratuitously elaborated or blown out of proportion. Lee Murray, a former UFC fighter and one of the most fascinating sports subjects on the planet really did try to break out of a Moroccan prison, allegedly by taking out the window of his cell with small saws he was hiding in plates of biscuits.
(Not actually Lee Murray, but IS actually a Moroccan prison.)
Again, we’re not making any of this up. It turns out that Murray, who is being held on charges of cocaine possession (but is also wanted back in his native Britain for one of the most notorious and successful high stakes robberies since the days of the old West) had cut a ton of weight to prepare for an attempt to wriggle out of his window cell once he cut out all the bars. In case you aren’t up to speed on Moroccan prisons, we feel comfortable saying this about them: They don’t have very large windows. According to FIGHTERS ONLY MAGAZINE (via YAHOO!’s CAGEFIGHTER), Murray’s whole plan was foiled when he was kicked out of his jail cell for — get this — using a laptop with full internet access in his cell, an indiscretion which got him in more trouble when a full five kilograms of drugs were found in the cell as well.
With the NBA Finals kicking off and the NHL’s Stanley Cup Finals continuing this evening, let’s take a minute and revisit some basic tenets of sportsmanship. Team and city rivalries can get pretty heated from time to time, and the last thing we want to have happen is for, say, a Penguins fan to get stabbed in the eye with an octopus or a Lakers fan to be smothered by… oh, I don’t know, Mickey Mouse or something else near and dear to the fine folks of Central Florida.
(Pictured: Kazakh National Soccer Team)
While no one’s saying you actually have to be FRIENDS with the fans of your team’s hated rivals, a little decorum isn’t too much to ask, now is it? After all, this is America, not Kyrgyzstan (Gesundheit), where sports rivalries don’t just end up in heated words…they’ll get you shot. Yep, we’ve got another entry in the crazy soccer fan logbook!
When England played Kazakhstan in a World Cup qualifier last October, the police in London were so concerned about upsetting the sensitivities of the Kazakhstan players and fans that they enacted a ban on England fans dressing up like Borat, everyone’s favorite culturally clueless Kazakh reporter played by Sacha Baron Cohen. But despite the ban, England fans still tried to find a way to pack their neon green mankinis to support their side.
(The resemblance is uncanny. It’s almost…wait, that is the real Borat.)
Now England is due for a return trip to Kazakhstan on Saturday, and the DAILY MAIL says those wacky Brits are up to their old tricks. The team has an official supporters band - sponsored by the dubiously-named Pukka Pies - and one the trumpet players apparently bears a striking resemblance to Borat. So the plan was for the band to take full advantage of this during photo shoots throughout the country, with the fake Borat and mankini in tow.
Remember the 1980s pre-reality era must-see show “Superstars”? You know, the one that pitted celebrities against each other in athletic events that were way over their head, after being half-coached, half-prodded and laughed at by professional athletes turned teammates? Well, thanks to a wildly successful British revival of the program last year, ABC has jumped on board to roll out six new episodes this summer, according to VARIETY.
(Oh Superstars, how we’ve missed you.)
The best part about the new ABC run is its plan to stick to the shows original premise, pitting the celebrities/athletes against each other, not in group-styled teams (think just about every MTV reality show).
There’s no word on which celebrities might take part, but given the current economic climate there’s real potential for terrific theater here. Usain Bolt trying to race a kayak? It could happen. Michael Phelps in a boxing ring? We might even bet on him (after all, he’ll do anything for the cash). Hell, former champions include Bode Miller, Jason Sehorn and Herschel Walker, so you’re probably a lot safer picking a football player, but there’s always a decent shot at an upset when no one knows what the hell they’re doing.
Here in the United States and around the globe, we hold our sporting records to be rather sacred. Those who set the records tend to get mythologized over time and looked at as Gods to us. For proof of this, just look at the crap Hank Aaron had to go through when he was on the verge of breaking Babe Ruth’s home run record, or at how horrified we were at the thought of Barry Bonds breaking Hank’s mark.
Right now in England there’s a 12-year old kid who I’m going to say has broken an unofficial record. This kid has dedicated his entire 12 years of existence to achieving his dream, but now it looks like his road to glory is going to take a bit of a detour.
Some links from all around as I sweat out the California heat wave without A/C:
• PRO FOOTBALL TALK divulges that Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones is defaulting on the mortgage on his Tennessee home.
(This bedroom is part of the home that could be yours if you show up at the courtroom auction.)
• Mr. Jones is not alone on the real estate issues front, as THE BIG LEAD writes on the California real-estate company that’s on the down and out after getting investments from jocks like Matt Light, Roy Halladay, and Vladimir Guerrero.
• The IRISH BAND OF BROTHERS discovers Notre Dame is having some issues finding an alum willing to take on its vacant athletic director position. (Duties include keeping Charlie Weis’ chocolate fountain flowing at all times.)
• Gotta love Redskins TE Chris Cooley – via his COOLEY ZONE blog, he lets us in on his upcoming Eastern Motors ad, and is even looking for nicknames to use in the ad, too.
, Boston Celtics
, Boston Red Sox
, Chris Cooley
, Customized Cars
, Dallas Cowboys
, Jelly Wrestling
, New York Knicks
, Pacman Jones
, Paul Pierce
, Real Estate
, Renaldo Balkman
, Washington Redskins
SPORTS BUSINESS DAILY reports through the BBC that soccer fans have united and bought an actual English club by way of the World Wide Web.
Members of MyFootballClub.com approved the $1.24 million purchase of the Ebbsfleet United club in January, and the takeover was made financially official on Tuesday. Read more…
An NFL player wants to show just how tough he is by taking part in a pro rugby match.
SCRUM.COM reports that Bengals linebacker Dhani Jones will have taken a “crash course” in the rough & tumble sport, and will likely see action this Saturday in England for the Blackheath club.
And it’s not just a scrimmage that Dhani will be scrumming in. Blackheath will be facing Launceston in the fifth round of the EDF Energy National Trophy finals.
The National Football League had such a smashing time in England this year, that they’re coming back to put on another jolly good show.
The ASSOCIATED PRESS reports that the NFL will be playing another regular season game in Great Britain next season. Over 80,000 fans filled Wembley Stadium last October to watch the Giants squeeze out a win over the Dolphins in muckety conditions.