Frank Caliendo Is Sorry You Have To Watch Him

I’ve found quite a few things to be annoying about TBS’ coverage of the Divisional Series this season.   Whether it’s having to listen to Dick Stockton butcher names and words constantly, having to deal with Cal Ripken Jr. in the studio show, or hearing that god awful Bon Jovi song over and over (Which town!?  Grow some balls and commit, old man!).   Still, there is one man that has been more annoying than all of them.

It seems as though during every commercial break viewers are subjected to a promo for Frank TV.   TBS must show a commercial for the show at least 20 times during a game, and to be honest, it’s driving me crazy.   Sure, it’s better than having to see Dane Cook all the time, but that doesn’t exactly make it tolerable.   Frankly, I think Frank Caliendo owes us all an apology.   Wait, what?

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Blogs: If You Find A Chili-Stained $100, It’s A-Rod’s

A-Rod using $100 to wipe himself

  • Chase Daniel and Warren Buffett: gangstas.
  • The Phoenix Suns are doing their best to stay off of YouTube, says the EAST VALLEY TRIBUNE’s Jerry Brown.
  • Royals GM Dayton Moore tells the KANSAS CITY STAR’s Joe Posnanski that he’s had just about enough of sucking: “We’re not a young team anymore. We’re not an improving team anymore. There are no more excuses.”

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Rosario Dawson Has A Great Pair Of, Um, Hands

Actress Rosario Dawson has had a pretty impressive career. She hasn’t won any Academy Awards or anything, but ever since she first showed up on the big screen and captured our heart in the feelgood comedy of 1995, Kids, she’s had steady work.

Of course, I had no idea that she had become so tired of the acting world that she’d decided to give it up entirely to pursue her other dream. That dream? Why playing tight end for the Carolina Panthers, of course!

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The Cubs’ Other Effen Curse: Dick Stockton

It’s a bad week to be a Cubs fan. As we noted today, Dutch Vodka maker “Effen” is publicly acknowledging the teams’ lengthy World Series futility with “cheeky” billboards titled “Break. Effen. Curse.” In doing so they’ve dashed the see no evil, speak no evil hear no evil mentality some Cubs fans have towards the streak.

We hate to pile on but there’s another malevolent force working against the Cubs this year: broadcaster Dick Stockton. Rumors and Rants fills us in on the heartbreak.

Being a Fox national game of the week — but not THE game of the week — it was none other than Dick Stockton in the booth. And after Saturday’s loss, the Cubs dropped to 0-3 in games called by Stockton this season. At least if my memory serves me correctly.

According to my charts, that gives the Cubs a six-game losing streak in games announced by Stockton.

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Brog: I Won’t Be Winging It From Miami To SoCal

Since I’ve gotten back from shooting the SbB Girls in the Virgin Islands, I’ve gained something approaching 10 lbs. in 10 days. The reason? I’m now eating like the girls did on the trip (25 meals per day). One problem with that: I don’t have a hummingbird metabolism.

Hooters and Wings

(Forget the wings, I’m driving from MIA-to-LAX damn)

Now that I’m looking like Mike Golic post Nutri-System sloppy, I’ve remembered the first rule for losing weight: REMOVE ALL FOOD FROM YOUR RESIDENCE.

Hillary Hooters And Wings

(Can I wing a stowaway tho?)

Anything that’s in my house will always get eaten. Yeah, that concept isn’t all that unique. Except when it’s all consumed within 24 hours of purchase.

I’ve decided to try to move to L.A. as soon as possible. Like, now. So I’ll probably be driving from Miami to California beginning as soon as this weekend. That of course, presents a massive problem when you’re trying to watch your figure.

Portillos Hot Italian Beef Injections

(Sad: My vehicle fuel system yet to account for hot, italian beef injections)

Unlike most of my cross-country jaunts, I won’t be mapquesting all the Chick-Fil-A’s on the route. Nor Whataburgers and Taco Cabanas for the lovely, six-day drive through Texas. Instead, it’ll likely be one stop-off at Cracker Barrel per day.

Ever notice how Cracker Barrel makes you pay at the register? Wonder if that has anything to do with the mountains of crap they want you to buy in the lobby. Not to mention that postmeal 45-lb fudge purchase they try to rope you into while waiting for your credit card receipt.

SbB GIrl Denise with Shrimp - MUST RESIST

(MUST RESIST (the shrimp, too))

So I’ll really have to discipline myself while patronizing that interstate-based epicurean delight. Even if it means occupying myself with one of those maddening, golf-tee table games while waiting to sign off on my regrettable chicken dumplings takeout purchase.

I am planning on bringing my handy cam on the road - and posting about my travels (tales from the nickel slots at Louisiana truck stops are always a sure hit).

SbB Girls at Cracker Barrel

(Well that certainly brightens up an anonymous interstate exit)

The last time I made the LAX-MIA drive, I had an internet-enabled laptop plugged into the cigarette lighter (extremely safe). I then connected the computer audio to the car stereo and voila - I was listening to Colin Cowherd spin his latest yarn about the Wegmanns’ salad bar while I sped through the backwoods of the Louisiana bayou (look, on the right, Glenn Dorsey’s shanty!).

Maybe the laptop thing isn’t such a good idea this time.

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