Terrell Owens’ tenure in Dallas was marked by plenty of controversy, and with good reason; it’s hard to get a “clubhouse cancer” label without really earning it. At the same time, the slavish efforts of reporters like Ed Werder - usually seen camping outside the Cowboys’ compound, reporting minutiae that wouldn’t be ESPN-worthy for 90% of the league - seemed to indicate that ESPN almost just covering their own coverage of the team.

(This sounds serious!)

But now that T.O.’s off in the hinterlands of Buffalo, keeping his mouth shut while his offense freezes to death, ESPN’s forced to pimp their Dallas outpost, even as no stories really seem to exist. Ah, but soft! What light through yonder breaks? It is Irving, Texas, and Crayton’s displeasure is the sun! Has Mr. Crayton got horrible things to say about his coaches as a front-page ESPN line would indicate? Well…

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I wouldn’t have a problem with this if it were funnier, or less filled with irony. But the NFL’s new TV ad featuring Dallas Cowboys players mocking Jessica Simpson for her weight gain is now rattling around the web, and I suppose it’s up to us to view it.

Sample hilarity from the animated ad, which aired Oct. 11 on Fox NFL Sunday: Marion Barber says, “Man, I still can’t believe Tony dated Jessica Simpson, even after she blew up bigger than Flozell Adams!” Cowboys coach Wade Phillips also joins in on the joke, which is more ironic than I can tell you. The ad is sponsored by Burger King, although the empty-calorie purveyors seem to have had no actual part in producing it. So The King waking up in bed next to some random guy is suddenly no longer good enough?

Video following the jump. Read more…

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader are hosting a big shindig in the Bahamas in a couple weeks.

(Like their divine Ambrosia tailgate salad, fans can ‘mix’ with the cheerleaders)

The regrettably-worded “release party” (dude, keep it in the room) will pop off during the Oct. 16-18 weekend, which not coincidentally is Joe Simpson’s first weekend off from Jessica’s Indian Casino tour in 18 mos.

• The new Cowboys Stadium opens with a couple of embarrassing picks, courtesy of Tony Romo & Jerry Jones.

• Well, at least the fans had fun inside the new digs in Dallas - unless you had a “party pass” but weren’t allowed in.

• An angry Oregon fan wants his travel expenses back after watching the Ducks get plucked in Boise. So UO coach Chip Kelly sends him a check.

• Floyd Mayweather Jr. delivers a verbal beatdown to Max Kellerman during Floyd’s post-fight interview.

• This week’s sports Twitter craziness comes courtesy Redskins LB Robert Henson, Larry Fitzgerald’s younger brother Marcus, and Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema.

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• The Dallas Cowboys’ brand-new billion-dollar stadium was christened with a plethora of picks, courtesy of Tony Romo & Jerry Jones.

• Seems that the only thing that could possibly slow down the Florida Gators is the dreaded swine flu.

• Sadly, four Gator fans were killed in a small plane crash after returning from Saturday’s game in Gainesville.

• And now some fun video of a Bayou Bengals fan bombed out of his mind.

• An Arkansas high school football coach gets a kick out of never having his team punt.

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Amidst the gushing celebration of Jerry Jones‘ new Cowboy Stadium was a rather curious contention: that the stadium packed enough people into the SRO areas to break the all-time NFL record for attendance. While that figure may or may not have been met, we do know that simply looking at ticket sales isn’t going to tell the whole story about how many people were actually in the stadium.

(This man is holding party passes, but he is not having a party right now. Not unless it’s an angry party, and nobody likes an angry party.)

That’s because, according to Cowboys fan Hector Murillo (seen above) and thousands of others, the Cowboys locked them out of the stadium, despite the fans holding “party passes.” Oh, just because you bought a ticket to the game doesn’t mean you get to watch inside the place; you hadn’t heard?

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Usually, Tony Romo saves his worst for last, shining as the season begins but falling apart in December and January. But hey, last night was kind of a big game - it was the first “official” game at the new Cowboys Stadium, and it was a national TV audience against the arch-rival New York Giants. So I guess you can’t blame Romo for reverting to his late-season form and throwing up all over himself in the Cowboys’ 33-31 loss.

Romo threw three picks - including one that was returned for a touchdown - and generally looked more spooked than a race horse that’s just been hit with a firecracker. But despite this, the Cowboys actually led late, and it looked like Dallas might pull out an improbable victory. Read more…

• The Bronx Bombers blow up in a Tuesday night fight with the Blue Jays.

• And if Derek Jeter’s gonna brawl, he’s gonna need a mighty moustache.

• Seems that Wisconsin civic leaders have a problem with 12-year-old albino boys playing football with a tinted helmet visor.

• A Walter Payton statue in front of Soldier Field: A tribute to a Chicago Bears legend, or an insult to America’s veterans?

• ESPN will truly offer a college basketball marathon, as Monmouth & St. Peter’s agree to tip off at 6 a.m. Eastern.

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Sure yours may be bigger, but can you fill it? For Jerry Jones right now the answer is no, and Cowboys fans are furious. Anarchy in Dallas-Ft. Worth! It would be a shame if the new Tom Landry statue was torn down by an angry mob only hours after being installed.

Our story so far: The Cowboys are a couple thousand tickets or so short of a sellout for their home opener on Sunday, meaning that the game will be blacked out locally (maybe). To avoid that, or just because he’s greedy, King Jerry has released 1,200 reserved seat tickets into the wild. Get ‘em while they’re hot!

But that has royally pissed off PSL owners, who have paid as much as $5,000 each for their seats. This is a mess.

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Attention! Now available from the Dallas Cowboys official online pro shop:

Now, you might think the Dallas Cowboys are referring to their genitalia, specifically their penis, because nothing makes someone better than someone else than by having a big penis (unless you’re a woman, of course). Unfortunately, you would be incorrect in assuming so.

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