Chris Cooley Says He’s Going On Injured Reserved

Rich Tandler at RealRedskins.com reports this morning that internet NFL superstar Chris Cooley told a DC radio station this morning that he’s likely going on injured reserve - and be out for the season.

Chris Cooley goes on injured reserve

(Out for the season)

On his regular radio appearance on DC101, Chris Cooley said that he will meet with Jim Zorn today about his immediate future with the team. Cooley said that he expects to be placed in injured reserve, ending his season.

Cooley fractured a bone in his ankle against the Eagles on Oct. 21.

You probably remember that the initial official diagnosis was for him to miss this season. That quickly changed, as doctors later projected he could be back as soon as a month.

Obviously, that prognosis didn’t work out. Read more…

E! True Hollywood Story To Feature The Cooleys

By now, the story of Chris Cooley meeting his future wife Christy is the stuff of legend: she was a cheerleader, he was a tight end, they weren’t allowed to date, but they started dating on the creep anyway and things - obviously - went well. On one hand, aww. On the other hand, aww damn, she’s a knockout.

Chris Cooley's Wife Photos
(Putting her on TV? Eh, risky decision, E! - viewers might not go for her. Sure you can’t get Susan Boyle instead?)

The producers of the E! True Hollywood Story franchise noticed the story as well, it appears; they’re picking up “NFL Wives” as one of their episodes, prominently feature Mrs. Cooley herself. It’s not exactly unprecedented; E! featured MLB wives last year; we don’t recall any complaints about that.

Read more…

Colt Brennan Denies Hookup with Jessica Simpson

I have a feeling you’ll take this news the same way you did when you found out that Alex Rodriguez broke up with Madonna; or that James Brown wears a hairpiece … Colt Brennan is denying reports that he’s romantically involved with Jessica Simpson. The Redskins’ third-string quarterback is pleading ignorance over the whole thing, which is good for the Redskins I suppose, but bad for STAR MAGAZINE, which started the whole thing last week.

Colt Brennan, Jessica Simpson

Brennan, the former University of Hawaii star, has other things to worry about, however. In denying his involvement with Tony Romo’s ex-girlfriend, he referred to teammate Chris Cooley as his “life coach.” That’s troubling on several different levels.

Read more…

Redskins Coach Zorn Has Scorn For Internet Porn

Jim Zorn is a football coach, and football coaches don’t much care for these computers and these Internets. Seriously, they have so many things with which to occupy their time that what bloggers think is, to them, completely irrelevant. We’ve accepted it.

Jim Zorn
(The New Zornographer himself.)

But coaches are still men, and men have needs. Ball-draining needs, at that. And while we’re sure every single reader of ours is such a damn stud that he has no problem convincing his wife/fiancee/girlfriend/prostitute to give it up on command, but for some people, manual stimulation is the way to go. But if Zorn’s ever defiled himself, he didn’t do it the way most of us do.

Read more…

Week In Review: Tony’s Romo-ance w/Jessica Ova

• Dallas Cowboys fans finally have their prayers answered: Tony Romo has called it quits with Jessica Simpson.

Tony Romo Jessica Simpson

Chris Cooley doesn’t like to beat a dead horse - he prefers to blow it up instead.

Erin Andrews seems to appear a bit thin lately. Still, she knows how to look good in a shredded dress.

Gina Carano’s ex claims he has a sex tape of the MMA star in “action“.

• Former boxer Arturo Gatti found dead, supposedly killed by his wife.

Read more…

Married MLBer Asked Media Intern Out On A Date?

• During a recent visit to Houston’s Minute Maid Park, a married MLB player supposedly tried to ask out a media intern for some post-game fun.

Astros girls mascot Junction Jack

Say it ain’t so, Junction Jack!

• The NFL is trying to spread its pigskin platitudes throughout China with - what else? - a reality TV show.

Dana White lectures big UFC bruiser Brock Lesnar on how to behave properly with the press. Huh, how about that.

• But the UFC prez shouldn’t have such worries if Shaq joins his ranks. Unless Kobe is also on the card.

• The Chicago Cubs are considering filing for bankruptcy. Wouldn’t it be great to see Mark Cuban snag the Cubs from bankruptcy court?

Read more…

Chris Cooley Likes Making Dead Animals Explode

Hey kids, everyone’s favorite Redskin, Chris Cooley, is in the news again again! No, fortunately, he’s not exposing himself, but he would like to do us all a favor and show us how to put the “fun” back in “funeral.” Best of all, all you need is some household items, like… uh… gasoline and explosives.

Chris Cooley and his Dead Animal Friend
(You can guess how this one ended.)

You might recall last month, where Cooley posted a picture of a dead animal (he called it a cow, but that’s quite obviously a horse), then a violent explosion. That was just comic juxtaposition, right? That explosion looked like a bomb went off. Chris, you didn’t really make the dead horse blow up, right?

Read more…

Speed Read: Mets Make All The Stops, Prevail 1-0

In the long run, not only did Jerry Manuel’s latest brainstorm contribute to team unity, but it’s going to save the Mets a ton of money. On Tuesday following New York’s season-worst fifth straight loss, Manuel read the riot act to his underachieving minions in a closed-door meeting, and ended things by making an unexpected transportation demand. For their game on Wednesday against the Brewers, the team would eschew their separate taxi rides and travel together in the team bus.

Mike Pelfrey, David Wright, Carlos Beltran

Not sure how much hazing occurred in the back seat where the driver couldn’t see what was going on,  and … hey Beltran! Quit mooning those girls and get back in your seat! But the result on the field was positive, as the Mets prevailed 1-0 behind 7 2/3 scoreless innings from Mike Pelfrey. Pelfrey, ironically, was the only player who missed Manuel’s mini-tirade the day before, having received permission to leave early to rest for Wednesday’s game.

Oh, don’t worry — they’re still the Mets. New York struck out 12 times against Yovani Gallardo (8-5). But Ryan Church’s one-out single in the sixth, which scored Luis Castillo, who had doubled, was the only offense needed. So New York (38-39) moved back within a game of .500, two games behind the first-place Phillies. The Mets head to Pittsburgh for a rainout makeup today before a weekend series at Philadelphia. That’ll be a long bus ride.

Meanwhile, check that Wimbledon ticket you just bought online — I’m pretty sure you’ve been duped. Andy MurrayMania has gripped this staid tennis event with a fervor, as tickets for Sunday’s men’s final are being offered for as much as £20,000 each on some sites. I’m not sure what that is in American money — a million bucks? — but it’s a freaking lot for tennis. Of course it’s all because Murray is British, and someone from those shores hasn’t won Wimbledon in 73 years (down with the Kaiser! Where’s the Titanic? It’s overdue!). Murray, a 7-5, 6-3, 6-2 quarterfinal victor over Juan Carlos Ferrero, could be on his way to his first grand-slam title.

His semifinal today against sixth seed Andy Roddick could set up a final against Roger Federer, which even I would watch.

Fans have been queueing outside Wimbledon for 48 hours to get their hands on tickets for the semi-finals and final, while agencies report that demand is up four-fold. But the prices are higher than ever, with a pair of quarter-final tickets for Murray’s Centre Court match yesterday, worth £170, selling for £6,100.

With the avalanche of demand has come the threat of fraud. Wimbledon authorities are investigating bogus websites charging thousands of pounds for tickets that do not exist. One site under investigation — onlinewimbledontickets.com — is almost a replica of the official Wimbledon website, in the familiar green-and-purple livery, offering Centre Court tickets for the final at £2,499.

A Romanian businessman, who paid more than £11,000 online, is among more than 50 victims, mainly from mainland Europe. The website, with telephone numbers in London and Ireland, takes the money online but does not deliver the tickets. Their phone lines were dead yesterday.

And now for something completely different. It always pays to read the fine print, as a Twin Cities sportswriter has learned after mistaking the blog Sir Charles In Charge as being authored by the actual Charles Barkley. ST. PAUL PIONEER-PRESS writer Don Seeholzer attributed an item on the blog to Barkley, writing that Sir Charles was promoting Del Harris as the next head coach of the Timberwolves. Actually Barkley has nothing to do with the site, as it states in the disclaimer.

Charles Barkley at American Century

(”Is that a blog, or a duck? Damn, I’m confused.”)

The main reason I mention this is because I happen to know that Barkley just recently learned what the word “blog” means, and he certainly won’t be starting one anytime soon. I followed Barkley for the duration of the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship at Lake Tahoe last year, blogging about his game for NBC SPORTS. Just before the first round on the first day, I approached him to let him know what I was doing. His response: “What’s a blog?”

On the third day, Barkley was telling everyone who would listen: “This guy says he’s blogging my game. I don’t know what a blog is, but it don’t sound good.”

That was a mere 12 months ago. I doubt that he’s become the next Will Leitch in the meantime.

And now, links to peruse as you lament the demise of your neighborhood bikini fireworks stand:

  • You may think that Shaquille O’Neal’s arrival in Cleveland won’t make that much of a difference, but Vegas types tend to disagree. Bodog.com has just installed the Cavaliers as co-favorites with the Lakers to win the NBA title, both at 9/4. Bodog had Cleveland at 3/1 on June 15. Rounding out the top five are the Celtics (5/1), Magic (6/1) and Spurs (11/1). Once again I shall slap down a ten-spot on my Golden State Warriors, at 100/1.
  • Oh, and Bodog’s pick to win Saturday’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest: Joey Chestnut at 2/3 (Takeru Kobayashi is second at 6/5, Tim “Eater” Janus third at 12/1). Over-under on hot dogs consumed: 61 1/2.
  • Attention, Scott Boras: Eric Whitfield, 12, son of former major leaguer Terry Whitfield, had four home runs in four at-bats and also pitched two innings of perfect relief to lead his Hillsborough (Calif.) Little League All-Star team to a 17-0 win over Redwood City National on Wednesday. Hillsborough has won four of the past five District 52 All-Star titles (district play being the first rung on the ladder toward the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pa.).
  • Unfortunately, America is apparently not yet ready to see a video of Chris Cooley burning the body of a dead horse which he found on his property. After much soul-searching, Cooley decided not to post it on his blog. Even though “the video is amazing! I spent over an hour today putting it together and it is one of my finest works, one that my kids will look back on and cherish. So for now, I’m sad.” As always, the comments are the best part.
  • Jessica Simpson, Tiger Woods, Tony Romo

  • And speaking of celebrity golf, here’s your Jessica Simspon, Tony Romo, Tiger Woods fix for the week. It’s the opening ceremony of the AT&T National on Wednesday in Bethesda, Md., whee! Also on hand were Bruce Boudreau, Jason Campbell, Antwaan Randle El, Rock Cartwright, Shaun Suisham and Leon Harris. Thanks for the photos from Dan Steinberg at DC SPORTS BOG, who also noted that “Some wise soul managed to write “Go Redskins” in Romo’s yardage book, which was one of the better moments of the day.” Jessica also favored all in attendance with a tune.
  • OK, that starting position for Blake Griffin seems to be open now. On Wednesday the Clippers agreed to trade power forward Zack Randolph to the Grizzlies for Quentin Richardson, according to the LOS ANGELES TIMES. The deal can’t be finalized until July 8, when the league establishes the salary cap.
  • The Dallas Mavericks are preparing to offer Jason Kidd $25 million over three years, according to ESPN. The Knicks may also be ready to offer a three-year deal, although for what amount, it isn’t certain.
  • OK, some hockey news. Fine. Marian Gaborik, the finest athlete with a Marian-sounding name since Marion Morrison, agreed to a five-year deal with the Rangers for $7.5 million per year.
  • Prepare for the lovefest surrounding the return of drug cheat misunderstood genius Manny Ramirez, who returns to the Los Angeles Dodgers lineup on Friday night in San Diego. LA went 29-21 without him, and are seven games up on the second-place Giants. Why not stop by Petco and give him a standing ovulation … er, I mean, ovation?

Will you be glad to see Manny back in Dodger blue?

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Speed Read: O’s Rally From 9 Down To Top Sox

It’s been a rough decade for the Baltimore Orioles. The once proud franchise has long been third fiddle to the Yankees and Red Sox in the AL East, but with the sudden rise of the Rays and the continuing competence of the Blue Jays, it’s hard to imagine a team that’s further away from being a contender in any division in baseball than the O’s.

Orioles celebrate

So it’s fitting that when the O’s finally did achieve something great, nobody was around to see it. Trailing 9-1 to Boston in the fifth inning last night at Camden Yards, the rain came and most of the crowd took off during a 79-minute delay. After resuming, the Sox added a 10th run in the top of the seventh inning before all heck broke loose. Baltimore scored five times in the bottom of the inning off of Justin Masterson. Then they added five more in the eighth that included a three-run pinch homer by Oscar Salazar, and capped off by a Nick Markakis double off of Jonathan Papelbon.

Hideki Okajima and Terry Francona

And just like that, history was made. George Sherrill shut the door on the Sox in the 9th and an epic meltdown was complete, sending the nine Baltimore fans in attendance into hysterics (while a few thousand Sox fans sat in stunned silence). Final score: Baltimore 11, Boston 10. It was the biggest comeback in the history of the Orioles franchise (which dates to when they moved there from St. Louis in 1954), and the biggest comeback by a last-place team over a first-place team in the history of the game. For Boston, it was the second-largest blown lead in their history (they choked away a 10-0 lead to Toronto in 1989).

The rally seemingly came out of nowhere, but perhaps we should’ve seen that the Sox didn’t exactly have their heads in it after the rain delay when the entire infield left the field in the bottom of the sixth inning…after recording the second out.

Red Sox leave field with 2 outs

(Fail)

July 1st is upon us, and that means NBA free-agent season is about to kick into gear. Today was the deadline for players with options to decide whether or not to honor their deals or look elsewhere. And with most NBA teams looking to slash payrolls, it’s no surprise that there aren’t a lot of people choosing to opt out. Kobe Bryant heads the list, but nobody really expected him to opt out.

Carlos Boozer, on the other hand, declared months ago that he would be on the open market come July. But a lot has changed since then. Detroit was the only team in position to offer Boozer a substantial deal, but they balked at offering a deal that would pay him more than the $12.7 million he’ll earn next season for sticking around Utah. Plus, Boozer’s really into going to Sundance and he wouldn’t be able to do that in Detroit.

Carlos Boozer

Boozer’s choice to exercise his option, and Mehmet Okur’s decision to do the same, has put the Jazz in a tough spot. They expect to lose Boozer after next season, and probably would’ve preferred if he bolted now. They’d like to sign youngster Paul Millsap to a long-term deal, and will now have to pay the luxury tax if they do so.

Meanwhile, Hedo Turkoglu is officially a free-agent, and while he’s garnering the most buzz, a lot of good players, such as Ron Artest, Jason Kidd, Ben Gordon, Andre Miller, Chris “Birdman” Andersen, and some guy named Allen Iverson could be had for the right price. Another guy on the market is Charlie Villanueva, who the Bucks declined to even make an offer to. TRUEHOOP says that’s a major indication that the economy is really taking its toll on the league. The Rockets are somewhat creepily taking a bit run at Marcin Gortat to replace Yao Ming for the time being, going as far as knocking on his door at 12:01 a.m. and setting up a Gmail account just for Gortat-based fanmail.

Marcin Gortat

(A future star, or a really well paid cheerleader?)

Speaking of Yao, people in China aren’t buying that he’s really all that hurt, suggesting that the Rockets are overstating his injury so that he’ll be cheaper to re-sign when his contract is up next year. But will Houston want him back? Regardless of whether or not he’s healed, China expects him to play in next summer’s World Championships, which could lead to further injury and basically stick the fork in him (if it hasn’t been already).

Yao's foot

(If Yao can’t run by next summer, he’s going to reinvent himself as Earl Boykins on wheels)

And now, without further adieu, let’s kick off July’s links with some bad goalkeeping, cheerleader car washes, and disembodied hair:

Chris Cooley is taking some time from showing everyone his wang to set fire to dead farm animals instead.

• On the plus side, this goalie showed some nice hops in saving this ball from going out of bounds. On the minus side, well, you’ll see (thanks to SPORTS RUBBISH):

• The ONLINE SPORTS GUYS has the story of Florida International’s cheerleaders — whose program was cut from the school’s athletic budget — trying to save their team the only way they know how: a giant car wash. Video goodness within.

FIU cheerleader carwash

• JOCK AND BALLS has 10 mullets we all know and love.

• Pacifiers featuring logos of NHL teams are being recalled because they cause a risk for choking. Surprisingly, neither the Bruins nor the Sharks are among the featured logos.

• Who has the NBA’s biggest payroll? Gotta be the Lakers or Celtics, right? No, actually, it’s New Orleans. And I’m sure that Wizards fans out there will be excited to learn that their team is #3 on the list.

• You’ve got just about three days left if you want to buy Magglio Ordonez’s hair in an Ebay auction.

Magglio Ordonez's hair

On second thought, that miiiiight be a dead puli.

• You want to edit some home video footage of Ty Cobb? Better respond to this Craigslist ad fast. He assures you that this is not a fake, because as we all know, people are always trying to pass around fraudulent Ty Cobb videos.

• The BIRMINGHAM NEWS has posted odds on which college football program will be the next to commit a major violation, courtesy of USBET.COM. #1 on the list? USC. Last on the list? The Australian Institute of Ethics.

• Penguins star Evgeni Malkin has a Conn Smythe Trophy, and now he’s cavorting somewhere warm with Oksana Kondakova, a model with creative tastes in bikini tops:

Oksana Kondakova

Looks like Malkin’s enjoying the off-season:

Oksana Kondakova and Evgeni Malkin

 

What does Yao Ming’s future hold?

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Miami Caliente Holds Hot Lingerie Football Tryouts

• Tryouts were held for the Lingerie Football League’s Miami Caliente, and some of the resulting scenes were, dare I say, en fuego:

Miami Caliente lingerie football

Mark Cuban uses his blog to apologize to Kenyon Martin’s mom. But if you think the Mavs-Nuggets rivalry has cooled off, just ask LaLa Vasquez.

• The Dodgers know what women want - their own online radio broadcast!

• The Blackhawks scalp the Canucks, while the Caps force a Game 7.

• A slimmer Jessica Simpson sings at Sea World, much to PETA’s chargin.

Read more…