How Is Married Life Is Treating Roddick, Federer?

You tell me.

Brooklyn Decker Mirka Federer

 (Glam vs. Damn. Make that Damn vs. Damn.)

Federer and wife Mirka in Corsica last week: Read more…

Skinny On a SI Model: Taking Your Temperature

SPORTS ILLUSTRATED swimsuit issue cover model Brooklyn Decker:

Brooklyn Decker Bikini Photo

SI Swimsuit Model Brooklyn Decker

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Roddick, Brooklyn Decker Animals For Public Sex

Here’s some video, from the MELBOURNE HERALD-SUN, of a sexually-charged public appearance by Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker in Australia earlier today.

Koalas Having Sex In Front of Andy Roddick & Brooklyn Decker

(Love the “WARNING: KOALA SEX” from Herald-Sun editorial)

Comes as no surprise that Roddick, not Decker, “took considerably more convincing to tentatively touch a very large python.

Please Stop Messing Around With Roddick’s Balls

Of the different sports out there, the one with the largest variation in playing conditions might be tennis. There’s grass, clay, that weird concrete stuff down at the local courts… okay, that’s all I could think of, and maybe my initial premise is way off. But whatever, we’re plunging ahead with this one.

Andy Roddick
(”I’m so mad my shirt fell off! And now they’re taking pictures of me! Of all the rotten luck!”)

Less well-known, though, is the variation in tennis balls from court to court. As Andy Roddick noted at his latest victory, the different hosts of the hardcourt series (yes, that’s it! Hardcourt! Replace “weird concrete stuff” with “hardcourt” above, please.) have been using different brands of tennis balls for their tournaments, and he has just about had enough of it, mister.

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SI Moving Swimsuit Issue Release Party To Vegas

Sorry, David Letterman - you’ve been trumped by Vegas. For the last two years, the “Late Show” host has been lucky enough to make the official announcement of which lovely lady would be gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit issue. (For those who need a refresher, it was Marisa Miller in 2008 and Bar Refaeli in 2009.)

Marisa Miller Bar Refaeli SI swimsuit covers

Well, the suits over at SI decided that their big bikini-based announcement needed more pizazz than just Paul Shaffer on keyboards, so they’re taking their swimsuit show out west - to Vegas!

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Speed Read: Yesterday Brought To You By Gillette

While Brooks and the rest of the SbB crew worked hard to get you the very latest on the Steve McNair murder, Sunday turned out to be a pretty big day for three of the world’s biggest athletes — who just happened to have co-starred in the “Citizen Kane” of awkward athlete endorsement campaigns.

Tiger Federer Jeter

That’s right, now that Thierry Henry has been booted from the Gillette posse (at least in America), all three razor-wielding superstars had pretty huge days.

First, Roger Federer made history by winning his 15th Grand Slam title in a crazy five-set win at Wimbledon over Andy Roddick. Pete Sampras was in the audience, taking in the match as only Sampras could — puking his guts out on the sideline looking bored out of his gourd. The 30-game fifth set was the longest in Slam history by a full 10 games. The final game was the only time Federer broke Roddick’s serve the entire match. Only Roddick’s inability to put away four set points in a second-set tiebreak kept him from pulling off the huge upset.

Federer and Sampras

As Federer was accepting his trophy, Tiger Woods was getting ready to tee off in the final round at the AT&T National, which he hosts. I’m not sure I understand the “host” thing, is that like when Heidi and Spencer “host” a party at PURE? He started the day in a tie with defending champion Anthony Kim, but soon found himself needing to keep up with Hunter Mahan, who started well back but fired a 62 to zoom all the way to the top of the leaderboard. Tiger drained a 20-footer on the 16th hole to take the lead, and he got to the clubhouse with two easy pars to wrap up his 68th PGA Tour win. And he interviewed himself afterward. I have to give him credit, though, as it was the first time the questions in a Tiger interview were as boring as the answers.

Jimmy Fallon and Tiger Woods

(I’m sure that losing to this guy in anything would be enough motivation to win whatever you were doing next)

Meanwhile, at Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter was trying his best to hold up his end of the bargain in a measly regular-season game. But he came through with a four-hit day, including what turned out to be the game-winning home run in the bottom of the fifth inning of a 10-8 win over the Blue Jays. Better yet for DJ, he was officially named the starting shortstop for the AL All-Star team when the rosters were announced later in the afternoon.

Derek Jeter

Jeter got more votes than anyone else in the AL, but is joined in the starting lineup by just one other Yankee — first baseman Mark Teixeira. A-Rod is nowhere to be seen, with Evan Longoria getting the starting nod instead. Josh Hamilton was voted into the starting lineup despite missing all of June with an injury, and this year’s recipient of the Lance Carter Memorial “Who?” Award is Oakland reliever Andrew Bailey, who is a fine pitcher but a guy even baseball fans would be hard pressed to tell you anything about. And while it looks like manager Joe Maddon pulled some homerism by adding Jason Bartlett, Carl Crawford, and Ben Zobrist to the team, all three of those guys are having huge years. And yes, if you’re scoring at home, Zobrist is the last All-Star ever, alphabetically speaking. The other big story is that of 42-year-old Tim Wakefield, who surprisingly has never been an All-Star until now. And congrats to the Royals for producing an actual All-Star this year, rather than their usual token “we gotta put someone on the team” guy.

The NL team is headlined by Albert Pujols, who received the second-most votes ever (only Ken Griffey Jr. got more, in 1994). At age 37, Raul Ibanez is an All-Star for the first time, and has been voted in as a starter. Unfortunately, it looks like he’s probably not going to be able to play. Nor is fellow outfielder Carlos Beltran. That means that reserves Hunter Pence and Brad Hawpe are likely to be out there when the game starts. No true no-name on the roster, as even Pittsburgh’s representative — Freddy Sanchez — is fairly deserving of his spot.

Full rosters can be found here. And there is now voting going on at MLB.COM for the final roster spots. Vote Kung Fu Panda!

Pablo Sandoval

(This fat man should be an All-Star)

• If you click on only one link today, read this story in the L.A. TIMES about Zac Sunderland, a 17-year-old kid who is nearing the end of a solo circumnavigation of the world on a sailboat. Pirates, broken sails on the open seas, armed police escorts in New Guinea. It’s safe to say he had a more eventful year than the rest of us.

Rasheed Wallace is going to be casting ill-advised 26-footers for the Celtics next year, meaning Big Baby Davis is probably on his way out. And Jason Kidd is about to get overpaid by Mark Cuban (enjoy 39-year-old Kidd at $8+ million in 2012, Dallas)

• POLITICO says that Sarah Palin’s lawyer has fired a warning shot to the media in order to squash lingering rumors that Palin awarded the contract for constructing a sports arena in Wasilla (where she was mayor at the time) with the understanding that the same company would build her a house. In other news, the Phoenix Coyotes have just announced they are moving to Wasilla.

• SPORTS RUBBISH has video of the most crucial moment in yesterday’s Wimbledon final. What? Tennis? No, it’s Andy Roddick’s brother searching for a snack inside his own nose:

• I gotta admit, I just don’t really get the Tour de France. One guy clearly won today, but somehow everyone except two guys (that’s like 178 people) were credited with the same time. Hey, but at least Jussi Veikkanen is finally wearing the red polka-dotted jersey!

• OK, there was something called the “Junior World Football Championships” going on for the last week, and you’re not going to believe this — but the USA won. Shocking, considering our boys had to take down the likes of France, Mexico, and Canada (which they did by a cumulative score of 174-3). Next time, in an effort to even the playing field and give other countries a fighting chance, the U.S. is just going to send Washington State’s football team instead (they might be able to beat Sweden).

Beavis would be excited by the news that a man in Scotland set a world record by running nearly 100 yards while on fire (and people complain that eating a bunch of hot dogs is bizarre?). And yes, I am aware that 1994 has called and wants its cultural reference back.

Man running on fire

Ryan Braun is an All-Star, which I guess gives him the green light to talk about how much the Brewers’ starting pitchers suck.

•  That fan who says J.C. Romero “assaulted” him at a Rays-Phillies game last week should be thrilled he doesn’t live in Colombia. There, the athletes just shoot and kill fans who heckle them.

• The city of St. Louis thinks it can tax the bonuses All-Stars receive for appearing in the game at Busch Stadium, but the POST-DISPATCH says that won’t fly if players can prove that their bonus was earned from their previous play outside of the city’s jurisdiction, and not for simply appearing at the game.

• Sure, losing 16-14 in the fifth set of the biggest tournament of your life is pretty brutal, but don’t feel too sorry for Andy Roddick. He has a pretty nice shoulder to cry on:

Brooklyn Decker

Would you rather have 15 Grand Slam titles, or have 1 and be married to Brooklyn Decker?

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Week In Review: Harry Kalas, Mark Fidrych R.I.P.

• A sad way to start the baseball week: Phillies announcer Harry Kalas & former Tigers pitcher Mark Fidrych both pass away on the same day.

Harry Kalas Mark Fidrych

• But it was nice to see Brian Bosworth help save an Oklahoman’s life.

• Wedding bells have rung for a couple of tennis stars: Andy Roddick ties the knot with Brooklyn Decker, while Roger Federer marries his manager.

• Padres pitcher Heath Bell is p.o.’ed about ESPN’s overwhelming coverage of all things Yankees, Mets & Red Sox.

• That stinks: Dwight Howard has a passion for passing gas.

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Padres’ Bell Rings Out Anger Over ESPN Choices

• Sick of ESPN’s baseball coverage only showcasing the Yankees, Red Sox & Mets? Padres pitcher Heath Bell feels the same sourness.

Heath Bell ESPN Baseball Tonight

• Fights, stabbings, gunplay - just another Opening Day at Dodger Stadium.

John Calipari greets the Memphis faithful one more time - but not without some bodyguards.

• Former Duke basketball star Greg Paulus gets a pro tryout - with the Green Bay Packers?

• Dallas would be happy to take the College Football Hall of Fame off South Bend’s hands.

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Roddick Marries SI Model, Federer Marries Sister?

Ah, love is in the air in the tennis world. And I’m not talking about Billie Jean King canoodling with Elton John at a Bud Collins-hosted Streisand listening party.

Brooklyn Decker

(Roddick finally nails it to the floorboards)

This week Andy Roddick will finally close the deal with Brooklyn Decker, marrying the SI swimsuit model. While Decker isn’t really my cup of tea, there’s no debating she’s regarded as a mega-hottie.

Roger Federer also married recently, consumating his relationship with a woman named Miroslava Vavrinec. With a name like that, you’d think he snagged a 5-star supermodel.

And you would be wrong.

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Report: Bar Refaeli SI’s Next Swimsuit Cover Girl

According to a report in COED MAGAZINE, a publication which we have no reason to doubt, the cover girl of this year’s SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT EDITION is none other than the beautiful Bar Refaeli. The magazine cites snoops at the taping of tonight’s edition of “The Late Show with David Letterman“, where the cover girl is scheduled to appear and be revealed.

Bar Refaeli

(The beauty of Ms. Refaeli is certainly Bar-none)

Really, this was a story that was going to be full of good news no matter which way it turned out. According to all relevant straw polls, Refaeli and Andy Roddick’s fiance, Brooklyn Decker, were the heavy favorites.

Brooklyn Decker

(Guess Brooklyn will have to wait ’til next year)

The 23-year-old Refaeli is also Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriend, so SPORTS ILLUSTRATED was essentially given the rare and brilliant choice of picking the attachment of an American celebrity whichever way it went.

(More brilliant Bar Refaeli photos after the jump.)

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