Dad Gummitt! 15,000 Tix Unsold For FSU Opener

While hawking a book the past couple weeks, Bobby Bowden has been lamenting how he was pushed out at Florida State after he’d repeatedly asked for “just one more year.”

Florida State Fans Jenn Sterger Florida State cowgirl

(Post-Bowden crowds: It’s all about quality over quantity)

That was actually the thinking when Florida State originally scheduled Bowden alma mater Samford for its home opener this Saturday. But with no Bowden, FSU fans apparently aren’t too keen on the matchup.

Sales have been so slow that FSU is partnering with local motels in a ticket discount promotion to lure fans to the game.

Motel 6, Best Western and Red Roof Inn along with other local establishments are offering cut-rate FSU tickets to non-conference home games in exchange for an overnight stay.

Andrew Carter of the ORLANDO SENTINEL reports of new Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher’s obligatory reax to the news: Read more…

So How Can Florida State Possibly Fire This Guy?

Oh, sorry, they gave him a ‘choice’ to stay on as mascot.

#2 in world’s most inspirational speeches, just behind Dwight D. Eisenhower announcing the interstate highway system rollout. Thx Spencer.

Report: Bowden To Announce Retirement Tuesday

Mark Schlabach reports tonight for

bobby bowden joe paterno

(World’s oldest team mascots meet for the last time)

Legendary Florida State coach Bobby Bowden, who built one of college football’s greatest dynasties in 34 seasons with the Seminoles, plans to announce his retirement Tuesday morning, sources close to the situation told

Sources told that offensive coordinator Jimbo Fisher, who was named Bowden’s eventual successor near the end of the 2007 season, has agreed to contract terms to replace Bowden after this season. The school’s booster organization would have owed Fisher $5 million if he didn’t replace Bowden by January 2011.

After a meeting with Florida State President T.K. Wetherell earlier today, Bowden was really given no choice to retire. Read more…

Terry Bowden To Rebowdenize D-I NCAA Football?

If you hadn’t been paying close attention - and we don’t blame you if you hadn’t - Terry Bowden ain’t dead yet, #*%$#@!! Terry was the first member of the vaunted Bobby Bowden family tree to be unceremoniously dismissed from D-I in 1998; brother Jeff left his post as FSU OC during the 2006 season, Tommy Bowden was fired from Clemson halfway through last year, and Bobby will probably be murdered if he tries to come back after this season, so you’d think the sun was setting on the Bowden legacy.

Terry Bowden in Purple

Not so, bitches, not so. Terry Bowden resurfaced this year at Northern Alabama, a Division II school, to about the amount of fanfare you’d expect: a couple wowreallywhatevers and about a week of headlines. Then it’s off to pay more attention to I-A, because come on. Bowden’s on a slower track to success, winning a modest amount of games and oh who are we kidding, he’s tearing D-II up and he’s probably going to be the last Bowden in I-A.

Read more…

What The NCAA Really Needs Is A BCS Spokesman

According to ESPN, it looks like the NCAA’s thinking about hiring a permanent “point person” for the BCS, rather than the current system where the BCS spokesman has been the commissioner of one of the conferences on a two-year, rotating basis. That doesn’t seem like much of a problem… up until that conference commissioner has to explain to people why his team just got an unpopular spot in the national title game.

BCS logo with faces
(I think this’ll work.)

So, since we’re helpers as always, we’ve decided that the NCAA is absolutely right. The problem with the BCS system isn’t one of the myriad fundamental flaws that college football fans routinely point out, like the fact that no other sport uses a one-game system for the title or that teams who go undefeated at least deserve a shot at the title. No no, we’re going to need a spokesperson for this. Fortunately, we’ve got four candidates lined up for you.

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Lee Corso Stroke: Is It Affecting GameDay Show?

Michael David Smith today @ AOL Fanhouse: Lee Corso suffered a stroke in May, and on Saturday’s College GameDay, it was obvious from hearing him speak that he hasn’t completely recovered from it. But I admire him for staying on the air, and I admire ESPN for allowing him to stay on the air.”

Lee Corso on GameDay set picks LSU while Kirk Herbstreit gives Gator chomp

(Corso picks LSU today on GameDay while Herbstreit gives Gator chomp)

I actually think there hasn’t been much dropoff in Corso’s performance to this point. And I never thought I’d say this: I miss him on afternoon and evening drop-ins. He, for me, crossed-over into a living room personality long ago - type of guy you don’t realize you miss until he’s gone. A little like Leno. Read more…

Manny Being Booed By Bonds-Loving Giants Fans

• Suspected steroid abuser Manny Ramirez gets a rude reception from San Francisco Giants fans - the same Giants fans who were so passionate in supporting suspected steroid abuser Barry Bonds.

Manny Ramirez Giants fan sign

• 49ers coach Mike Singletary makes a mountain out of a molehill, forcing QB Alex Smith to watch the rest of practice from high above.

Bobby Bowden would like to share his prostate problems with you.

• EA sports donates advanced copies of Madden 10 to a U.S. submarine crew who are shipping out before the game’s official release date.

• Would it really kill the NHL to let Jim Balsillie move the Phoenix Coyotes to Hamilton, Ontario?

Read more…

Bobby Bowden Makes His Prostate Your Business

In case you haven’t watched a single sporting event on television in the last 10 years, you might not know this, but urinary health is a big issue among men over 50 and ad executives. Apparently, you probably don’t have a going problem, but a growing problem. You… well, I’ll just let you watch the commercials, don’t want to spoil the surprise.

Bobby Bowden prostate
(”And so I get an MRI, and I kid you not, dadgummit, my prostate’s the size of a cantaloupe, just bulbous, just… you’re not grossed out by this, are you son?”)

Ah, but if you haven’t watched a sporting event on television, odds are pretty good that you’re also a college football coach, that small sect of America who work 90-hour weeks and just don’t have time for the distraction of ESPN. Oh, but if you’re very old - like Bobby Bowden -  we have a perfect storm of prostate disaster. Here, we’ll let Bowden explain.

Read more…

NCAA Strips Seminoles of All Football Wins in 2007

The findings of a year-long investigation into alleged academic fraud at Free Shoe Florida State University are in, and they’re not pretty for Seminole fans. According to the ST. PETERSBURG TIMES, Florida State will be forced to vacate all seven wins that Bobby Bowden’s football program earned in 2007. That’s the result of the exposure and subsequent dismissal of a member of FSU’s academic support staff, who cheated to help some 61 athletes in football, men’s and women’s basketball, softball, track and field (which won an indoor national championship), men’s and women’s golf, baseball and softball stay eligible. Oh, and swimming. Basically, if you were on a sports team at Florida State in 2007, you’re about to lose every single win you earned with your team.

bobby bowden fsu

COLLEGE FOOTBALL TALK has a complete breakdown of the sanctions, and they are voluminous. Losing all those wins — and the national title — aren’t the only hit the Seminoles are taking. The sanctions that were released call for the school to cut back on scholarships for the football program (five in 2009-10 and six in 2010-11), men’s basketball (12 instead of 13 through 2011) and women’s basketball (13 instead of 15 through 2011). If you thought six scholarships aren’t that big a deal, consider how many borderline players actually make a big impact in college football … and how many times FSU has missed with its biggest recruits in recent years. That could be big trouble.

Read more…

Now Showing In Your Brain: Woody Hayes, Naked

There are many ways for a coach to deal with a tough loss. Most involve profanity, raised voices, and a hair-trigger temper, ready to unload a fusillade of invective at that miserable fat piece of f*cksh*t who missed on that block in the third quarter and let the defensive end decapitate the star QB. That’s usually how a loss goes. But longtime Ohio State coach and opponent-puncher Woody Hayes had his own way of dealing with the stress of a loss: conducting post-game interviews naked.

Woody Hayes
(OSU wins, and the pants stay on… for now.)

These guys approve, Woody.

That got us to wondering, though: Seeing Woody Hayes give an interview while buck naked would be repulsive. But it could probably get worse, yes? Of course it could; Hayes is hardly the worst-physiqued man in college football history. So after the break, we present the 5 worst coaches to see naked in college football today. Buckle up, bulimics; today’s your lucky day.

Read more…