Week In Review: Jameson Met Ortiz On MySpace

• How did porn star Jenna Jameson & MMA fighter Tito Ortiz ever get together in the first place? ‘Twas through the miracle of MySpace!

Tito Ortiz Jenna Jameson

• Any ex-Florida football players who dare critique Urban Meyer’s current regime should consider themselves persona non Gator.

• Hilarity ensues when Erin Andrews spends her NFL Draft day with the comic duo of Quan & Dr. Bill Cosby.

• The University of Oregon rules that naked ultimate frisbee is a no-no.

• A horse had to be put down after a two-horse collision during Kentucky Derby practice.

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Erin Andrews Gets Caught In A Cosby Sandwich

Erin Andrews spends the NFL Draft surrounded by Cosbys (Quan & Dr. Bill, respectively), and hilarity ensues.

Erin Andrews Bill Cosby Quan Cosby

(Can’t you just feel the excitement?)

Jacoby Ellsbury steals home, Red Sox steal three straight from Yankees.

• It seems that NASCAR won’t be happy until somebody gets killed.

• Beer pong? Budweiser wants in on the upcoming table tennis craze.

Kobe wanted complete creative control over Spike Lee’s day-in-the-life documentary about him.

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‘Dr. Bill Cosby’: The Joaquin Phoenix Of Comedy

I could barely watch Erin Andrews‘ ‘”exclusive” interview of Quan Cosby and “Dr. Bill Cosby” during ESPN’s draft coverage.

Quan Cosby Erin Andrews Dr. Bill Cosby

(Cosby interview now has Erin considering career in hospice care?)

Cosby, sadly, is now to comedy what Joaquin Phoenix is to rap. Or fences to NASCAR fans.

On the bright side though, I hear Ms. Andrews is now considering a career in hospice care.

After the jump, I’ve got a small tidbit on Ms. Andrews you haven’t heard that might be related to that engagement rumor. Read more…

Speed Read: Sox Sweep As Ellsbury Steals Home

You had your fun, Red Sox haters, when Boston was 2-6 and looking like a mediocre mess. Now, the Sox have won 10 straight and look like the team to beat in the AL East (can Toronto really keep this up?). The Yankees found three different ways to lose to the Sox over the weekend, and were further embarrassed when Jacoby Ellsbury stole home off of Andy Pettite:

Ellsbury’s theft highlighted a three-run fifth inning that led the Red Sox to a 4-1 win on Sunday Night Baseball.  It was the weekend in a nutshell for the Yankees, who are now facing mounting questions about their pitching staff, which is ruining things for an offense that’s scoring more than five runs per game (and will get better when A-Rod returns).

So, you’re the Orlando Magic, you’re down 2-1 in the series to heavy underdog Philly, and you just dumped a nine-point lead late in the fourth quarter and find yourself tied in the final seconds. You don’t want this going to OT because the Sixers have all the momentum. So now what? Clearly, it’s time for Hedo Turkoglu to just dribble around for a while and then drain a 26-footer to win it 84-81:

Just how you drew it up, right Stan?

In Houston, the Portland Trail Blazers once again had a chance to steal a game from the Rockets…and once again, gave it away late. The Rockets killed the Blazers on the offensive boards, getting two huge second chances that led to three-point daggers from Shane Battier in the final minutes. Portland still had a chance to tie it with 20 seconds remaining, but Brandon Roy was called for an offensive foul, then Travis Outlaw missed a deep three. The Rockets held on, 89-88, to take a 3-1 series lead. Houston needs just one more game to advance to the second round for the first time since 1997. And, unfortunately for Blazer fans, Tracy McGrady isn’t around to blow this one.

Luis Scola

(How does his hair stay behind his ears all the time like that?)

In the NHL’s late game, the Hurricanes blanked the Devils 4-0 to push their series to a deciding game in Newark on Tuesday night. In related news, NHL.COM has told Kevin Smith he can’t blog about the series on their site anymore. Apparently, the NHL wants to be “family friendly” and didn’t realize they had commissioned one of the filthiest mouths anywhere to write about the series. So now, Smith has moved his playoff blog to his own site.

Kevin Smith

• The Broncos, along with all of the former AFL teams, are going to wear throwback jerseys for the first two games this season. No, not those orange ones we all remember from our youth. It’s this monstrosity that thankfully was retired after only two seasons (according to the DENVER POST, they were acquired secondhand from a defunct bowl game):

Denver Broncos horrible uniforms

• Man, the Royals even suck in India.

• PRO FOOTBALL TALK notes that Mike Singletary confirmed yesterday that ex-Ball State quarterback Nate Davis has dyslexia. The 49ers still drafted him anyway.

• Amputee Kyle Maynard, who we’ve mentioned a few times here on SbB, lost in his MMA debut last night in Alabama. But he did last the full three rounds. FIGHT REPORT has all the details, including some video.

• The Caps drilled the Rangers 5-3 yesterday to send their series to a seventh game, but Rangers fans like THE MANIC RANGER are incensed that Donald Brashear got away with crushing an unsuspecting Blair Betts at center ice in the first period. See for yourself. It was pretty much a cheap shot, and if Game 7 gets out of hand either way, expect Brashear to get lit up by somebody:

• BUGS AND CRANKS thinks Ozzie Smith was copping a feel on Alyssa Milano’s sideboob at the 2007 All-Star festivities.

• ESPN called on Erin Andrews to moderate the historic Quan Cosby-Bill Cosby summit at the NFL Draft. Yalta can rest easy, though. As you can see, it mostly involved Quan talking on his phone while Bill babbled incoherently and tried to put on his old Temple helmet:

Quan Cosby Bill Cosby Erin Andrews

MJD over at YAHOO! SPORTS says the Bengals obviously are still not all that concerned about character, judging by their early draft picks.

• Seahawks LB Leroy Hill failed in his attempt to have his franchise tag removed by the team by getting arrested for pot possession. But now the ‘Hawks have drafted Aaron Curry, so Hill has been cut loose. That whole staged arrest seems like a waste of time now, eh, Leroy?

• This may not be sports-related, but lets face it, Bea Arthur was twice the man that A-Rod will ever be. So in honor of her sad demise, here’s some grainy footage of her embarrassing performance in the horrible Star Wars Holiday Special:

What was the most embarrassing loss for the Yankees this weekend?

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Bill ‘n’ Quan Cosby To Watch NFL Draft Together

Hey, ever notice how some unrelated people have the same name, like SPORTSbyBROOKS and Albert Brooks? Isn’t that just the funniest? If you said “yes” to that second question, be sure to tune into ESPN’s telecast of the 2009 NFL Draft and watch former Texas wideout Quan Cosby ride out the draft with legendary comedian Bill Cosby. Wait, what?

Quan Cosby and Bill Cosby Together At Last

AWFUL ANNOUNCING reports that the footballer and the star of “Leonard Part 6″ will watch the draft together in a New Jersey theater before the elder Cosby performs there that night, and ESPN will be on hand to record the hilarity for posterity. How did such a bizarre stunt come to pass?

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Speed Read: Game 5, Your Life Suspended A Day

So, the Phillies didn’t win the World Series last night. But the Rays didn’t win the game, either. Yup, that’s baseball for you. What almost turned into a clusterf*** of epic proportions conveniently became much easier to deal with when Carlos Peña drove in B.J. Upton with the tying run in the top of the 6th inning.

World Series Game 5

Had the Rays not scored in the inning, who knows how long the umpires would’ve insisted that the debacle continue. The field became basically unplayable in the 4th inning, but the umpiring crew didn’t want to face the wrath of Philly by bringing the tarp out then, and forcing the game to be wiped off the books and replayed from scratch when the Phillies were leading. But at the time, what we didn’t know was that Bud Selig was going to actually make a good decision, and force the game to be played in its entirety no matter the score and inning. FOX’s Ken Rosenthal was shocked at what transpired.

According to MLB.COM, Selig informed officials from both teams earlier in the series that every game would be played to its conclusion. Rule  3.10(c) allows the umpires (or commissioner) to wait as long as necessary to resume a game, even if it takes days. This rule is rarely, if ever, used in the regular season because of the nature of scheduling and the necessity to get games finished and move on. But with no other games on the schedule, it is well within the rules to wait a day to end a rain delay. The Phillies won’t be able to use Cole Hamels when the game resumes, but he’ll be OK since he gets to go home to her every night:

Heidi Strobel

Thankfully, a quirk in the rules was cleared up in 2006. By the old rules, if the game was suspended at this point, Tampa’s run in the top of the inning wouldn’t count and we’d have to go back and start the 6th inning all over again. Skip Bayless‘ head would’ve exploded on “First Take” this morning.

As it looks now, it’s going to be raining all day today in Philadelphia, but the weather may be clearing up a bit by the scheduled resumption time of 8:00. It’s still going to be miserable, with temperatures likely in the upper-30s and wind gusts as high as 40 miles per hour.

The NBA season kicks off tonight, but the biggest news comes from off the court. Charles Barkley was making the interview rounds yesterday, and in his stop at CNN with Campbell Brown he announced that he’s going to run for governor of Alabama in 2014.  And he even manages to throw a zinger in at two of his neighboring states:

Brown: So are you going to run for governor?

Barkley: I plan on it in 2014.

Brown: You are serious.

Barkley: I am, I can’t screw up Alabama.

Brown: There is no place to go but up in your view?

Barkley: We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren’t going anywhere.

Chuck then appeared on Conan O’Brien last night and called out Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan for being “cheap.” Yeah, he’s gonna do great in politics.

The Titans beat the Colts 31-21 last night, driving Indy a little further into oblivion. It seems like this shouldn’t be it for Peyton Manning as a dominant quarterback, but things aren’t looking good this year. He has nine interceptions and a passer rating of just 79.0. That’s just better than Dan Orlovsky and below great signal-callers like Matt Cassel and Kyle Orton. The Titans, meanwhile, look like the team to beat, especially since they got rid of that Vince Young dude.

Darryl Hall was supposed to sing the national anthem at last night’s World Series game in Philly, but he got sick. Plan B? Like you had to ask:

Oates

Apparently, Oates was just chilling at home in Aspen when he got the call on Monday morning. So he hopped on a flight (he had to sit in a middle seat) and made it in time to fill in. Now that’s dedication.

• ESPN RISE has the story of a kid from Arkansas who set the (known) record for receiving yards in a high school game this weekend with 421, but his team lost 64-55.

• Big NASCAR founder-type guy Junior Johnson is supposedly a big Obama guy, according to DAILY KOS. For comparison, this is kind of like if someone like Colin Powell suddenly endorsed…oh, wait.

• Looks like we can all thank Mike Francesa for providing us with the tape of Danyelle Sargent asking Mike Singletary about getting a phone call from a dead man, since it never actually aired on FOX. So why did Francesa, of WFAN and WNBC, have the footage?

• KNICKS BLOG sadly informs us that Patrick Ewing is no longer with the Knicks.

Nate McMillan’s choice to leave Seattle three years ago to move to Portland seems like a pretty good one now, says the SEATTLE TIMES, since his old team isn’t there anymore and his new one is rejuvenated.

Bill Cosby has completely lost it:

The Chitlin’ Legs have had a rough year.

Juice Williams doesn’t want Illinois fans to get discouraged, according to the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES. At least you can take some solace in not having to get destroyed by USC again this year in the Rose Bowl.

Jung hit his caddy so hard with a golf ball that he necessitated seven weeks of hospital treatment. The caddy was behind him. About eight yards behind him. No wonder K.J. Choi’s the only male golfer who’s made it out of Korea. (REUTERS via YAHOO!)

• Looks like TMZ just has someone who follows David Beckham around all day. Becks got pulled over, got a “talking to” about his tinted windows, but didn’t get a ticket. Yes, this is news.

This is just another Isiah Thomas story, from the NY DAILY NEWS, but it contains this great nugget of info: “Isiah Thomas’ son said the ex-Knicks coach will be back at work Monday.” What work? What does he do? He can’t talk to the players or make any decisions. Is he the IT guy now?

What’s most likely to happen when Charles Barkley becomes governor of Alabama?

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Speed Read: Rodney Harrison’s Career Likely Over

The NFL is on the verge of losing one of its largest revenue streams, based on the news out of New England last night. Safety Rodney Harrison, who has rankled opponents over the years with his aggressive (some say dirty) play, joined Tom Brady on the “guys opposing fans are happy to see in pain” list after it was revealed that he will miss the rest of the season with a torn thigh muscle. In fact, the AP is going as far as calling it a career-ending injury.

Rodney Harrison

The oft-fined safety tore his right thigh muscle and rehab will reportedly take 8-10 months. Harrison is in the last year of his contract and many expected that he was going to retire after the season anyway. He’s donated more than $200,000 to NFL over the years in fines for illegal hits. Roger Goodell will just have to keep making up more reasons to fine Hines Ward to account for the reduced cash flow.

Kellen Winslow and his staph infection were suspended one game by the Browns because Winslow had the gall to call out the team’s brass for asking him to hide the illness and for not taking enough action to prevent further infections. Despite the fact that Winslow made it clear that his beef was not with his teammates or coaches, GM Phil Savage called the comments “unwarranted, inappropriate and unnecessarily disparaging to our organization.”

It looks like Larry Johnson will likely not play this Sunday whether the NFL suspends him or not. Herm Edwards suggested in comments yesterday that LJ’s latest act of female degradation would be enough to earn him another week off.  It has been confirmed that police are investigating the incident.

Pudding pops for everyone! Bill Cosby was on hand last night as Temple beat Ohio 14-10 in a game that nobody wanted to see, but everybody watched for like five minutes because nothing else was on. The PHILLY INQUIRER insists that the Owls are still in the MAC Eastern Division hunt despite a 2-3 league record.

Bill Cosby

The World Series starts tonight, and HOME RUN DERBY has the preview you’ve been waiting for. It’s of the teams’ cheerleaders, of course, which means there hopefully won’t be any photos of a shirtless Matt Stairs. It should be noted that the Phillies’ Ballgirls are actually the ones who sit in foul territory and field balls that go out of play, while the Ray Team is more of a traditional squad — with some dudes, though. The Ballgirls are actual softball players who just happen to be attractive, which makes them the winners in my book. Anyone can operate a t-shirt cannon.

World Series cheerleaders

• Think it’s not physically demanding to be a baseball manager? Just tell Terry Francona that. He’s having surgery this offseason for a back injury that has left him with “diminished feeling” in his arms and unable to stand up straight, according to the ASSOCIATED PRESS’ Jimmy Golen.

Terry Francona is frail

Since Francona has become manager of the Red Sox he’s been struck by the following maladies:

A foot infection, a knee replacement, staph infections in both knees, chest pains, several years on blood-thinners, a life-threatening blood clot in his lungs and now a back problem that will require surgery.

Francona also chews massive quantities of tobacco during the season, which I’m sure helps a lot with all of this. And he won’t even turn 50 until early next season.

• It’s not the World Series without the participating cities’ newspaper columnists taking really easy cheap shots at each other. Today, the PHILLY DAILY NEWS’ Stu Bykofsky has the floor, and it might just be the worst trash talk I’ve ever read. There’s references to tuberculosis and Salvador Dali(?), and he calls Rays fans “tampons.” It’s all very sophisticated.

• Those catwalks at the Trop? Yeah, the geniuses who built the place thought that nobody would ever hit a baseball up that far, so says USA TODAY.

• Monday was a rough night for the Bailey brothers. CBS4 in Denver is reporting that Champ Bailey tore his groin (yeesh) in the loss to New England and is going to miss 4-6 weeks, while his brother Boss injured his knee and is out for the season.

• NEW YORK MAGAZINE’s Lucas Mann was with Stephon Marbury when he watched the final presidential debate…at a homeless shelter on the Bowery in New York.

• The LOS ANGELES TIMES’ Bill Shaikin celebrates the fact that there are a number of African-American stars in this year’s World Series.

• The first NHL team in Toronto is doing so well, that the league is talking about putting another one there, according to a CBC report.

• Texas Tech coach Mike Leach told the FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM that he tries as hard as possible to stay away from computers.

• Your police-assaulting and racial-slurring act may fly in Dallas there, Mr. and Mrs. Collegiate Sports Marketer, but the BOSTON HERALD says you’re in some trouble for doing it in their backyard.

Marion Jones‘ former track coach, who was a whistleblower in the BALCO case, has avoided prison time and instead was sentenced to 12 months of house arrest, write Lance Williams of the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE.

Who’s going to be the Phillies’ DH in Game 1?

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Blogs: Red Sox Catcher Jason Varitek Salutes Bill Cosby With Sweater Choice

• BOSTONIST finds Jason Varitek giving a nod to Bill Cosby, shown by the World Series catcher’s choice of sweater:

Jason Varitek Cosby sweater

• MONDESI’S HOUSE shows former Steeler Chukwun Okobi displaying his Super Bowl ring in style.• MAXIM doesn’t believe what they just saw, as they list their choices of the most fantastic sports finishes.

• Sacre bleu! WAY OFFSIDE learns that Quebec politicians are mad that the captain of the Montreal Canadiens doesn’t speak French.

Saku Koivu Canadiens

The following night, Bell Centre fans were treated to a pre-recorded message from the Habs’ on-ice leader: “Ici Saku Koivu, voici mon equipe.”• Ray Ratto of the SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE wants more pep from Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh.

• CONSTRUDA gets down with a couple of white boys pretending to be Charles Barkley doing the Soulja Boy.

• The BAYLOR UNIVERSITY LARIAT catches up with the only good football player they’ve had (besides punter Daniel Sepulveda) - “Saumrai Mike” Singletary:

Mike Singletary

• THE WIZARD OF ODDS has yet another candidate for SEC Cheap Shot of The Year, courtesy of the Florida Gators.• SERIOUS SPORTS NEWS NETWORK asks for signatures, as USC petitions ESPN to keep their “dynasty” label.