Davis, a Hall of Fame talent who’s spent half his career underachieving, can put L.A. in the playoffs if he’s engaged or in the dumpster if he loafs. Midsummer reports weren’t good, as sources said the 6-3 point guard was up to 260 pounds, 45 pounds above his listed playing weight.
If there’s one thing an experienced male laptop owner knows, it’s to keep nothing sensitive on the laptop, should it fall into the wrong hands. Sure, that might mean credit cards or something, but since we’re talking about men, we’re talking about porno. The last thing you want is some stranger digging through and finding that really weird porno where nobody’s speaking English and the chicks are more, um, adventuresome.
(Who could imagine that a guy who puts bullets in his hat would get involved with unsavory characters?)
But we digress. A lot. Anyway, the Clippers’ Baron Davis, seen above with the most gangsta of fedoras ever, recently lost his laptop. That’s never a good development. In his police report, among the content of the laptop are “private images” of Baron and his “associates and colleagues.” Would those associates and colleagues be, um, naked women? Could be. Could also be something a little more damaging - even life-threatening.
In less messy and horrific news, you may think the Home Run Derby is at best a pointless exhibition that tarnishes baseball by reducing it to its basest level (MASH BALL HARD) while ignoring the subtleties the make the game so enjoyable. You many even possibly consider it a major factor in the rise of the Steroid Era. Or, you might just enjoy seeing some of the game’s biggest names blast the living bejeezus out of the ball while drinking enough to ignore the infernal booth combo that is Chris Berman and Steve Phillips.
While last night’s edition at Busch Stadium didn’t have the transcendent moments of, say, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa hitting rubber baseballs with Flubber cores out of Fenway Park, or Josh Hamilton hitting 500 home runs in one round, it was entertaining enough. And while the hometown crowd might have been disappointed with their hero Albert Pujols bowing out in the semifinals, they seemed to enjoy the show that Prince Fielder put on in winning the event.
Maybe the newly vegetarian Fielder was following Pujols’ lead from when the Cardinals slugger blew out the “i” in the “Big Mac Land” sign in the Busch Stadium outfield deck earlier this season - with his goal to bring the whole sign down to punish McDonald’s for their carnivore ways. No matter what the reason, Fielder had enough in the tank to hold off Nelson Cruz (again, I said “some” of the game’s biggest names) in the finals after bombing an event-best 503-foot blast in the semis.
And then there was poor Brandon Inge, who had been so excited to be a part of the Home Run Derby that he said it was bigger than actually making his first All-Star team. I’m guessing he didn’t feel the same way after becoming the first batter since Jason Bay in 2005 to take a donut in the first round - or as my friends used to call it, “Posting a Piazza” (named after Mike Piazza, who went 0-for-his career with blanks in 1993 and 1994).
Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Clippers might be ready to make a move that could either turn them into playoff contenders or…OK, let’s be honest, it’s not possible to ruin the Clippers, so what harm could come from Allen Iverson joining the team? Marcus Camby played with A.I. in Denver, and he’s on board with the idea, with PRO BASKETBALL NEWS saying that he’s willing to help recruit Iverson to the team. Even Eric Gordon is OK with it, even if that means losing playing time in a backcourt with Iverson and Baron Davis.
The one person not too hip on Allen Iverson right now in Los Angeles seems to be Ron Artest, whose opinion doesn’t matter too much since he’s now playing for the Lakers. Plus, he’s totally nuts. But his Tweet that Iverson is “missing more shots than Muhammad Ali with a sniper rifle” is pretty damned good.
Still, Iverson could provide the veteran leadership and role model that Blake Griffin could use as he establishes himself in the NBA - and he might be a force, based on his NBA Summer League debut of 27 points and 12 rebounds versus the Lakers yesterday. Except for that whole “practice” thing.
Hey kids, want to spend money to get football lessons from Andre Rison? After all, he told the ALTOONA MIRROR that he’ll spend the second day showing you his highlights so he can “really let them know, in my eyes, I was the best to ever play the game.” And parents, if you think Andre Rison is a good role model, I’m coming to your house with Child Protective Services.
I didn’t mention the Celebrity Softball game that was part of the MLB All-Star festivities. I’ll just show you the final out, where Ashanti managed to make the type of play to end the game that makes coed softball a nightmare for most guys. She should consider herself lucky that Bob Knight didn’t piledrive her at first:
David Beckham swears that his spat with Landon Donovanis a thing of the past as Golden Balls returns to practice with the Los Angeles Galaxy. In related news, Landon Donovan was found dead in his Home Depot Center dressing room, with a six-inch stilleto heel in his eyeball as Victoria Beckham was seen leaving.
The Chicago Blackhawks want to thank GM Dale Tallon for putting together a team that got to the Western Conference finals this season - by giving him a severance check and making sure the door doesn’t hit his butt on the way out the door. Reports says that assistant GM Stan Bowman will replace him.
In the locker room of the Dallas Mavericks, two bandanas hang from two different players’ lockers. Antoine Wright hangs up a blue bandana, while teammate Jason Terry has a red one. And anyone who has followed gang culture knows that these are the calling cards of two of L.A.’s most violent gangs - the Crips & the Bloods.
Critics of the NBA have complained about the “thug life” motif & apparent gang-influenced mentality of some players in the league. So have these two locker-room fashion statements proved these critics right? Are gangs infiltrating NBA rosters?
So there might have been another reason that Clippers point guard/roller skating enthusiast Baron Davis plumped up this off-season other than getting paid $250,00 by Jenny Craig so he could lose the weight by drinking their flavorless shakes. It turns out he might have been eating to mask the depression of being split from his BFF Stephen Jackson.
OK, it was probably the $250,00 that did it, but still…it’s clear that things aren’t working out for Davis with the Clippers, and it’s looking more and more like a return to Golden State is imminent. The latest news comes from Stephen Jackson, who told INSIDE BAY AREA that he and Davis hung out on Saturday night and are already plotting Davis’ return to the Warriors:
The whole Baron Davis coming back to L.A. thing seemed like a good idea a few months ago. Until BD realized that Elton Brand was taking off for Philly and Mike Dunleavy was still in charge. Davis is averaging 18 points per game, but shooting only 39% from the field for the 4-16 Clips. He already looks like he wants out.
(This picture taken right before Boom Dizzle ate Elgin Baylor)
Now, it seems that Baron wasn’t even in game shape to start the season because of a weight-loss endorsement that had him get fat so he could lose the weight using some sort of diet drink. How very Hollywood of him.
Look, it’s never been a secret that Baron Davis is injury-prone. Sure, he played 82 games last season, but not only was it his first full season since 2001, he had missed at least 15 games in every season between. Great guy, very productive when healthy, but made of balsa wood.
(Baron Davis after trying to shoot a free throw)
That’s why you shouldn’t be surprised that his troublesome pinky is now all of a sudden the least of his worries. In the second quarter of last night’s game against the Nuggets, Davis went up to block a layup, then exploded in a bloody mess in mid-air. Okay, not really, but that’s way more interesting than falling on his hip and leaving the game, which is what he actually did. Read more…