The scourge of the Ernie Banks statue’s missing punctuation, like other tragedies, has led to a review of the state of sports statues across America to ensure the shame and pain of misused or abandoned punctuation will never befall our sports heroes again.
As part of that national volunteer effort (no doubt sponsored in part by FEMA), KENN.COM BLOG checked on one of the linchpins of the sports statue scene in America: the Rocky statue. What he found will chill you to your very soul. Small children, those who are expecting, and librarians should turn away at this time.
Another mangled apostrophe has been discovered. In an indictment of the Philadelphia school system, fictional boxers, and HGH-abusing actors everywhere, the Rocky statue tells us that Rocky stands for “the great city of Philadelphia and the brotherhood of it’s people”. “It’s.” Not “its”. The brotherhood of it is people. Oh, the heartbreak.
As of 4/4/08, this travesty of English still persists on the Rocky statue, only outdone by the travesty of English that is Rocky’s speech patterns.
For those sculptors and plaque makers who are still confused by the rules of the apostrophe, we now provide a simple guide: don’t. Do not. Stop using the apostrophe in your public works. You have lost your apostrophe privileges.
Do not own anything. Give away all your worldly belongings so you do not have to deal with a possessive case. If you are a sculptor, this should not take long.
Also, imitate the NHL and never contract. Do not contract; you cannot be trusted with such responsibility. Let us agree you shall always write without the nasty slash dirtying your words. It is the appropriate course of action.
Speaking of abuses of public works, now let’s discuss Rocky Balboa…