Shaq’s Kobe Rap Immortalized As Cell Ring Tone

If you’re a Kobe Bryant-hater or a die-hard Shaquille O’Neal fan who drives his sales of 20 albums so far this year, this is right up your alley. A little more than a week after Shaq’s epic (not really) freestyle dis of Kobe made the news, a company called FunMobility is now hawking cell phone ring tones of his recent flow against his old teammate.

Imagine the possibilities of essentially asking the world to tell you how your a$$ tastes every time your phone rings.

There are actually three ring tones related to to the whole kerfuffle: the first is the original, using the live track of Shaq’s freestyle, as expected. But there are two hilariously bad original “remixes” for ring tones with a hired gun imitating Shaq (and very poorly). The first uses the wonderful hook of “my a$$ tastes better than Kobe beef” and the second demands the listener “kiss my champion ring.”

I hesitate to use the label of “sounding white” for the…um….inspired remixes by the FunMotion staff, but the execution sounds as stiff and lifeless as polytonal cell tones did before snippets of actual songs became technologically feasible.

Now, with these ring tones, you can simply announce your jerkdom status without even having to say a word in public or on your phone. How else do you label someone with a ring tone asking everyone to kiss their ring?