RB Tatum Bell Steals* Bags, Doesn’t Fumble Once

Assuming Tatum Bell pays his taxes, he no doubt lists his occupation as “professional football player,” although there are plenty of people in Denver and Detroit who would take issue with that characterization.

Tatum Bell

Perhaps “porter” would be a better job description based on reports from PRO FOOTBALL TALK that the newly released Lions running back walked off with Rudi Johnson’s bags. Johnson, by the way, replaced Bell on the roster earlier this week.

… As we’re told by a reliable source … Johnson left his bags outside CEO Matt Millen’s office while he met with team officials and, ultimately, worked out a deal with the team.

So when Johnson came back to get his bags, they were nowhere to be found. Johnson and Millen were stumped. Enter the eye in the sky. The team checked the videotapes generated by the team’s in-house surveillance system, and they quickly identified the culprit.

So who might it have been? … Per the source, Bell took the bags to the house of a female acquaintance. When confronted on the matter, Bell offered up some cockamamie story that he thought the bags belonged to someone he knew. The girl, however, said that she hadn’t seen Bell in several months and he showed up out of the blue and asked her to keep the bags for a while.

One more description to add to the hopper (for tax purposes, of course): “passive-aggressive, pathological liar.”

Good news: Bell’s agent happily reports that his client didn’t once drop the bags during the heist, which helps support the argument that the fumble-happy running back no longer has a problem holding onto the ball. Bad news: he’s a kleptomaniac.

* allegedly