Leyritz Awfully Inconvenienced By Breathalyzer

In perhaps the least sympathetic story in sports history, World Series hero-turned-alleged killer drunk driver Jim Leyritz has petitioned a judge to remove the Breathalyzer device in his car.

Jim Leyritz Mugshot

(Leyritz’s quandary: “Chicken Marsala” vs. dead woman)

And just so we’re clear, that Breathalyzer is in his car as a condition of his release from jail as he awaits trial for vehicular manslaughter. Yes, this is the same Jim Leyritz who (allegedly) ran a red light and struck a car carrying a 30-year-old mother of two (above), killing her.  The Breathalyzer makes sure he can’t drive drunk again between now and his trial. And he wants it gone.

Oh, and lest you think the most tasteless part of this story is the mere fact that Leyritz is making such a request, check out the reasons given. Among the undue hardships now visited upon Leyritz’s life is the fact that, according to his attorneys, “He cannot leave the car with a valet, because it cannot be started by the valet.”

Now, sure, you may have already conceived at least 10 different ways around that problem that don’t involve giving Leyritz the unfettered ability to go booze cruising again, but this is an issue that involves so much more than mere transportation logistics. His very health is at stake.

Don’t believe me? Just ask his ex-wife, who helpfully explained the sudden, catastrophic shift in Leyritz’s diet:

[H]e “can’t eat things like chicken Marsala,” said his ex-wife, Karri, because certain foods cause false positives.

Really, the person I feel sorriest for is Leyritz’s attorney, who is professionally obligated to argue such a stunningly inane, untenable position on Leyritz’s behalf. This is the sort of thing that drives most lawyers to drink, or at the very least beat their own heads into concrete floors until the sweet release of unconsciousness envelops them. Your pain is not unnoticed, nameless Leyritz lawyer.

Unless, of course, the lawyer believes any of that crap. In that case we hope he falls crotch-first into a volcano filled with lava badgers.