LenDale White Drops 30 Pounds The No-Fun Way

It’s fair to say that LenDale White has been a rather, ahem, easy target for jokes. And tacklers. And paint balls. LenWhale, as he was affectionately known, routinely tipped the scales at over 260 pounds; though he was an effective goal-line option, his low yards per carry had many people thinking “bust.”

Lenwhale White
(”You’re looking good, LenDale.” “Thanks, man.” “You enjoying your new life?” “F**k no.”)

But White’s in training camp now, and he’s looking surprisingly svelte, as seen above (on the right, of course; nobody’s ever going to confuse him with speedy backfield partner Chris Johnson). He’s even below 230 pounds now - which could very well mean that now he’s just another average running back - but hey, he deserves some credit for dropping 30 pounds, right? Well, maybe; unfortunately, White’s diet may have most of us wondering if it was even worth it.

As the AP reports, his method was as simple as it was horrific - no more Patron:

“I really got to be honest,” White said. “It wasn’t a lot of major diet changes. (It was) watching what I drink. I was a big Patron consumer. … That’s what it was. I was drinking a lot, drank a lot of alcohol. I cut that out of my diet all the way. I don’t drink at all. I cut the drinking, I stopped drinking for six months. It started falling off.”

Honestly, we cannot in good faith endorse White’s decision. There’s a reason why he was drinking lots of tequila: tequila is incredibly awesome.

Sure, it doesn’t do much for your head in the morning, and yes, it may have necessitated the purchase of a manssiere, but it’s tequila. How else do you expect to end up screwing the tailpipe of a complete stranger’s car, then getting in a fistfight with a cop and winning? These adventures don’t happen to sober people, folks.

So yes, it remains to be seen whether 230 pounds of LenDale is more effective than 260 pounds of LenWhale. Maybe it will be. Maybe it won’t. Either way, the one guy who can’t possibly be enjoying the results either way is LenDale himself. God have mercy on you, sir. I’ll drink double for you.