If you haven’t seen the following photos from this weekend’s 99.9 KISS-FM Chili Cookoff in Florida, well, brace yourself. You’re about to see a side of Jessica Simpson you never knew — and probably didn’t want to know — existed. It turns out that, just as Jess is bringing Tony Romo’s career down, he seems to be transforming her into a beluga whale.
(My, how Jessica has grown)
Seriously, look at that picture again. The once voluptuous Ms. Simpson is now, well, fat. She really is, and she looks worse the more you look at these photos from the blog JUST JARED. And she’s not helping matters by wearing an entire outfit that doubles as a Civil War era garter corset … with two belts on top. Not only is that a fashion faux pas, it accentuates her pudge.
Is it any huge surprise that the Cowboys gunslinger didn’t want to make that public appearance with her this weekend? We can’t blame him. After all, remember what he was signing up for in the past, as tons of photos after the jump show.
Now this Jess was hot:
This one? Not so much.
So what happened? The sudden weight gain is pretty stunning. It’s understandable that, while spending a lot more time hanging with the Cowboys quarterback, Jess may have put on a few more pounds. After all, one can only burn so many calories through amorous activity, and that hardly makes up for hours on the elliptical.
The transformation is eerily similar to the ones that took over the bodies of Anna Nicole Smith and Mike Tyson in recent years. The only difference this time is that we’re on to it sooner. With Anna Nicole, you didn’t know she was entering her “blimp phase” until she reached the point you see on the right frame in the photo below. With Tyson, it was part of a larger adjustment of bizarre physical changes. After all, an eye tattoo without a massive weight gain is just an eye tattoo. Package the two together, and you’ve got a metamorphosis.
So what will Jessica Simpson look like when this process is through? Who knows, but we think it needs to be stopped. Now.
We have two concerns about the future of Ms. Simpson, because we feel that this really could be a turning point in maintaining her spot on the pantheon of hot pop singers. First, she’s got to get rid of whoever told her to wear that outfit. Seriously. We have no fashion sense whatsoever, and it’s still the worst look we’ve ever seen. And secondly, she has got to stay the heck out of Florida. Is it any surprise that she shows up in the Gator state and this happens? No. It’s no coincidence at all. Florida just does that to you. Everyone walks around with a glaze of sweat and fat emanating out of your body, and unless your a model in Miami Beach, that is not a good thing. Guess what? Jess is no model anymore, whether she wants to hear it or not.
Then again, maybe this is all the result of Jess’s Sim-pathy (get it? Sim-pathy? OK, we’re sorry. We’re leaving, we promise) for her sister Ashley’s post-pardem baby tummy. If so, it’s kind of sweet, but we still don’t want to see it.
In fact, we’re willing to bet we’re not the only ones who don’t want to see it. Tony probably doesn’t, either.