HS Uniform Budget Goes Into Strippers’ G-Strings

Some high school football coaches use money from booster clubs to take the team out for pizza at Chuck E. Cheese. Some use it to defray the costs of taking the team to away games. Then, there’s James Atkins. He uses it to go to strip clubs. I suppose the only good thing to be said about that is that he didn’t take the team with him.

stripper football uniform

(A better combination of football uniforms and strippers)

Atkins, a former coach and president of the Chelsea High School football team’s booster club, was indicted on 10 counts of larceny for stealing $10,000 meant to go toward the team’s uniforms, including “the withdrawal of $500 from an ATM right next door to the Squire men’s club at 1 in the morning,” according to a Boston assistant district attorney, in what is likely the most awesome quote of that ADA’s life. (Details and mug shot after the jump.)

First off, I love the name of the strip joint. If Eliot Spitzer spent $4,300 dollars on Jersey Shore Trash at “The Emperor’s Club,” I can’t imagine what Atkins could have gotten for his $500 at The Squire Club. Judging from the photo on WCVB BOSTON’s web site, he got something horrifying, with granny stockings barely covering a hideous leg tattoo.

One reviewer had this to say of Squire:

“The women range in looks from freaky to fabulous. The place likes to think of itself as upscale, but come on boys, you sell pizza…by the slice!”

Frightening lap dances and unhygienic pizza weren’t the only thing Atkins and his wife(!) allegedly spent the money on over a three-year period. According to the ADA, the booster club checking account was dipped into for airline tickets, at a Boston sports bar, and at ATMs in Alabama, for some reason. Sgt. Atkins (yup, he’s a cop too) was, unsurprisingly, suspended from his coaching job when the indictment was handed down.

James Atkins

According to Atkins’ lawyer, a sportswriter was working on a book about his client’s coaching success before the allegations surfaced. Some potential (and potentially libelous) titles:

-Bang the Stripper Slowly

-The Boys Ogle Summer

-North Dallas $40 Lap Dance

-The Natural Breasts

-The Science of Hitting on a Stripper

You get the picture. The Chelsea HS Red Devils are doing well this year, in second place in their division. No truth to the rumor that their players are hard to tackle because their uniforms are still coated with Astroglide.