Red Sox’s Timlin Aims To Impress Heidi Watney

I must see hundreds upon hundreds of sports photos on a daily basis - it comes part and parcel with being a sports blogger. Some are funny, some are poignant, some involve weightlifters twisting their forearms like a twist-off bottle cap. But it’s rare that you come across a photo that is so weird and amazing that you just stare in wonder at it for a few minutes, speechless. It’s like finding the Hope Diamond in the center console of your old Ford Escort. But that happened to me today. Let me present to you: Red Sox reliever Mike Timlin showing off his crossbow skill to NESN reporter/resident Red Sox Nation obsession Heidi Watney:

There are no less than 500 awesome things about this picture. Allow me to briefly point out some of the highlights:

  • Heidi Watney, and how obviously it is that she’s humoring Mike Timlin by watching this. (And here a tip, Mike: If you want to impress a hot chick, don’t ask her if she wants to “watch you shoot your arrow into the target” - it’s creepy, and way too Freudian.)
  • Mike Timlin has apparently now completely merged into John Rambo. If he is ever released by the team, within 10 years I fully expect him to take out half of a small town in Maine single-handedly while screaming to Terry Francona, “Yankees vs. Red Sox, IT WASN’T MY WAR!”
  • The fact that Timlin has a sleeveless Ric Flair T-shirt. Between bringing his crossbow to the stadium (for practice?) and this T-shirt, Timlin has now retaken the crown as Biggest Redneck in Baseball away from Jeff Kent. With that, he wins a lifetime supply of Skoal and the chance to be “ceremonial starter” at an upcoming NASCAR race.
  • And what exactly was Timlin aiming at? Good guesses include: a lifesize Manny Ramirez mannequin; Jason Bay as part of some “welcome to the team” hazing; or the scorekeeper in the Green Monster, as a fun way to “keep him awake” during games.