We’ll admit it; we didn’t watch The Wrestler. Sure, it got good reviews, but we refuse to support anything that glorifies Mickey Rourke. The reviews told us it was gritty and “real”–and that in order to prepare for the role, Rourke probably did a bunch of steroids. That’s because all professional wrestlers do a bunch of steroids*. Now, we paid attention to the afterschool specials that told us the dangers of doing steroids,** so the last thing we’d ever do is provoke one of these wrestlers by, oh I don’t know, spitting on them.

(This would not end well. At all.)

But we’re neither this Canadian WWE fan nor his girlfriend, both of whom confronted and harassed WWE “superstar” Chris Jericho as he left a show in Victoria Saturday afternoon. Jericho was barely off the arena property when some “fans,” angry at Jericho’s remarks at the show, tried to confront him as a mob gathered. First, the video (with NSFW language) after the jump, then the eyewitness account, because there’s no way you’ll be able to tell what the hell just happened.

He spat in the girl’s face, and called her a “f—ing bitch.” The woman spat in Jericho’s face. Jericho started cursing out the woman some more, and was getting ready to go back into his vehicle (as all of this is still happening in the middle of the road). While he was turning to go into his vehicle, one of the guys he was fighting shoved Jericho against his car. Another guy then shoved Jericho, and that time he bumped his head on the top of his vehicle. This was where Jericho seriously snapped.

After bumping his head, Jericho went into a sh*t storm, throwing and swinging at everybody around him. He knocked one guy to the ground, told another fan that he was going to “f—ing kill you.” The woman who got spit on was still yelling at Jericho, so he pie-faced her away from him (because the arena security couldn’t keep them separated). As soon as he put his hands on the woman, another fan jumped in and started swinging at Jericho. Jericho grabbed the guy and started throwing him to the ground, and at this point I had to yank my girlfriend out of the way and into some other people because Jericho had literally thrown himself and the other guy into our direction and we would of been knocked down by the scuffle.

The arena security try again at this point to regain order, and two of them grabbed Jericho and started yelling at him to calm down. Jericho responded by taking a swing at one of the security guards and yelling at them to “do your f—ing job and get the f—ing police here.” Then he shoved the second guard to the ground and told him to “stay the f— off me”.

Well, as that happens, the chick lunged at Jericho AGAIN, and this time Jericho actually punched the woman in the face, and shoved her to the ground. This stunned everyone, and the girl’s friends ended up jumping in trying to fight Jericho, to which he fought all of them off, then stormed into his vehicle swearing and sped off, running through a stop sign in the process.

The account says the whole thing went down in the span of about five minutes, meaning that the one minute we saw was barely 20% of the extra-curricular activity that happened after the show. It’s clearly, plainly, ludicrously obvious that Jericho was acting in self-defense, and if there’s one thing we cannot suggest–under any circumstances other than dark comedy–it’s giving a large, very angry athlete the right to legally beat the holy hell out of some regular loud-mouthed idiot. “Self defense, your honor.” “Oh, okay, I’m glad you disintegrated their noses, then.” “Thanks, your honor.”

As the account noted, the security staff was somewhere between “useless” and “Schiavo” in their defense of Jericho; it takes more to restore order to a very ugly situation than by standing around with arms crossed and matching shirts, after all. Do we expect charges to be filed against Jericho? No. Do we expect this to be the last time someone goes vigilante retard and tries to punch a pro wrestler? Hardly. Look at all those hits on YouTube already, after all. Gotta get on that YouTube.

*except for Repo Man, who sucked so much.
**Hitting women: not funny. Ben Affleck pretending to be on a roid rage and pretending to hit a woman: hilarious.