Embezzlement? Sex Toys? Must Be Little League!

When George Washington warned this country of avoiding foreign entanglements, he should have also added “suburban parents” to the list. Frankly, a land war in Asia seems petty compared to a lawn-cutting ordinance war or getting involved with local youth sports.

Little League logo

Be prepared for the righteous anger of the community when you’re caught doing wrong, as a Melrose Park, IL, woman found after being accused of siphoning nearly $25,000 off the Little League treasury. She claims innocence and conspiracy, having been framed for the crimes by other association members.

According to her, pointing out irregularities in the books earned her derision, slashed tires, and “a sex toy was put on her front porch”. We assume the unnamed gift-giver wasn’t telling her to go ballgag herself.

This world-class criminal allegedly opened a second bank account at her current bank in the league’s name and siphoned funds into it. She also cut checks to her mother and paid off her husband’s AmEx. Of course, all of this is part of the devious plan for the other association members to wreak havoc on her for crossing the firm. Yes. Naturally.

We think we’ll leave local volunteer work for the wolves and carrion beasts and stick to something safer: enlisting.