Derrick Rose Can’t Be Trusted With Sharp Objects

David Wells started the trend. Then Monta Ellis and Plaxico Burress took it to new heights. Basically, if you’re a pro athlete and you hurt yourself on your own time, nobody’s buying your story anymore.

Derrick Rose

So even though there’s no apparent reason to not believe Derrick Rose’s account of the bizarre injury he suffered yesterday, that’s not going to prevent a lot of people from being skeptical. It’s a doozy of a tale, but honestly I’ve probably done stupider things (I once put my hand partially through a metal light fixture celebrating a goal on NHL ‘94). Luckily for Rose, he isn’t going to miss any game action…from rolling over onto a knife that was in his bed.

Let’s go to the Windy City’s non-bankrupt newspaper, the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES, for Rose’s explanation:

A sheepish Rose explained why he needed 10 stitches to close a gash under the elbow on his left forearm, a self-inflicted injury sustained in bed from a knife he used to slice an apple.

‘‘Silly accident this morning,’’ Rose said, standing before a a large throng of media. ‘‘I went to get a bottle of water, forgot the knife was there, and sat down and sliced my arm.’’

I mean, who doesn’t leave a knife lying in bed every once in a while?

Rose said he understood the skepticism about his injury, but insists he’s telling the whole truth. And it certainly seems like he is. He called the Bulls’ trainer after the incident, and then his mom. The trainer drove Rose to the hospital.

And what’s Rose’s plan to avoid this kind of injury in the future? He’s just not going to cut up apples anymore:

‘‘It’s the truth, so I’m not worried about that,’’ he said. ‘‘I called my Mom, and she was like, what are you doing? It was just a freak accident. I was very scared. I’m going to get somebody else to cut [the apple], I’m not cutting it no more.’’

Or maybe, instead of hiring a personal fruit preparation assistant, Derrick can shell out 20 bucks and buy that thing that slices apples for you.

In related news, Kirk Hinrich has just sent Rose a bushel of Fujis and a machete.

(Thanks to BALL DON’T LIE for the original tip)