The number of “awesome” stories about Cubs fans that have been written lately are too enumerable to count. (Actually, they’re not, I’m just lazy. And yes, “awesome” here means “how does winning actually make you a worse person?”) And just when the of stories about the Monsters of Wrigley are about to wring our collective necks … a faint glimmer of hope emerges.
Up … no … wait for it … aw … sorry. It appeared to be a speck of humanity and then the Cubs squashed it. The SUN-TIMES throws out the news that in Chicago there is 104-year- old man, a Cubs fan and one of the few alive who aren’t lifelong losers, that wants to throw out the first pitch in Wrigley. And for whatever ridiculously inane reason, the Cubs don’t want to let him. (Cue: BOOOOOOOOOO!)
A lifelong Cubs fan, (Leo) Hildebrand wants to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field for a game during the Cubs’ expected playoff run. His neighbor and good friend, Henny Kronvold, tried to persuade the Cubs to let Hildebrand pitch last season, but the Cubs politely told her all of the slots were taken, Kronvold said.
“He can’t wait much longer,” said Arlene Burm, Hildebrand’s 69-year-old daughter.
Jason Carr, a Cubs spokesman, said the organization reviews and considers all first-pitch requests.
“Due to the large number of requests and suggestions, and given the limited opportunities, it’s difficult to accommodate everyone,” Carr said. ”We have so many deserving fans — including Leo Hildebrand — but can’t get to them all.”
And I have so many deserving names I want to call this bag o’ D in the Wrigley, but really, I don’t have time for them all.
Seriously, what are the Cubs scared of? That one of the few remaining human beings on the planet that actually remembers them winning something might jinx them into not losing? Or that this 104-year-old man — he has a 70-years-young daughter — will collapse in the hot sun at Wrigley? Because it ain’t the latter folks. He claims to have a fastball and he’s managed, again, one hundred and four years on this planet; he can deal with a little midday Chicago sun.
So, Cubs, grow up. Bring the old man out to the ballpark and let him chunk a fastball into the ground 12 feet before home plate. Not only would a one hopper in Wrigley let him die happy, it might actually extend his life a little bit. (Also: you need the good karma, lest you forget you haven’t won anything in 100 years. Ask him. It’s a long time.)