Baseball And Free Liposuction; God Bless America

Many minor league baseball teams have promotional giveaways, but most are of the free seat cushion variety, with an occasional Bill Buckner bobblehead thrown in. But the Mahoning Valley Scrappers of the New York-Penn League had a dream: To give away a free liposuction treatment to one lucky fan. Tomorrow, that dream becomes reality.

The Scrappers, located in Northeast Ohio — yes, the same team that last year gave us the gala Salute to the Pickle — will stage their Ladies Night on Wednesday, when they play the Auburn Doubledays. And the grand prize that evening will be a free liposuction procedure from Valley Surgical Arts.

And the recipient could be you!

Fans can register for the promotion by stopping by the Anthem Fan Assistance Center and filling out an entry form. The Scrappers will select five finalists that will be invited to the July 8th Ladies Night Celebration, sponsored by Valley Surgical Arts. During the game, the five finalists will be invited down to the field, where the Scrappers will announce the grand prize winner.

Writer’s embellishment: Then, during the seventh-inning stretch, the liposuction procedure will be performed on the pitcher’s mound, as Scrapper, the Bulldogs’ costumed dog mascot, dances nearby to distract the surgeon. Fans wishing to get a closer look may view the surgery on big-screen TVs located at any snack bar.

Is it wise to stage this promotion so close to Arby’s Sunday? Yech.

Well, you claim that you don’t need liposuction. OK, here are some other MiLB promotions coming this week (thanks to Benjamin Hill):

  • Michael Jackson Tribute Night. Thursday, St. Lucie Mets (Florida State League). Because the death of the King of Pop has been virtually ignored so far, all players in this game will have their favorite Michael Jackson song played on the PA as they walk to the plate. In addition, anyone dressed as Jackson will get in free, and the grounds crew will moonwalk while dragging the infield (hee, hee).
  • Face Your Fears Friday. Friday, Bowie Baysox (Eastern League). Do you fear clowns? Then you’ll be horrified by Cha-Cha the Clown, who will be roaming the stadium in heavy makeup. Spiders, insects and snakes will be displayed on the concourse, and those with a fear of heights can climb a rock wall set up in the stadium parking lot. You know what I fear? The Scott Van Pelt bobblehead.