• A 71-year-old former boxing champ beats & bruises a 23-year-old knife-wielding would-be burglar. The kid should’ve stayed off his lawn.

• The New York Mets get on the bus and stop a 5-game losing streak. Too bad their next bus stop ended up at a Furries convention.

• Landon Donovan releasing new book that bashes David Beckham.

• A Cubs fan vows to go on a semi-hunger strike until the Baby Bears win 5 in a row. It was nice knowing ya, pal.

• It’s like the old saying goes: Mexican midget wrestlers & hookers just don’t mix.

Read more…

OK, where’s the ESPN ombudsman? Further blurring the line between “mainstream” sports sites, blogs and, well, skin mags, the WWL rolled out a piece on Wednesday entitled “They’ve Got The Look,” which chronicles the up-and-coming sport of female surfing. And what would an in-depth ESPN take on surfing be without zillions of photos of attractive girls in bikinis?

You’re not fooling anyone, ESPN, with your bikini surfer chicks and your pro volleyball coverage and your Erin Andrews. You’re just as prurient as the rest of us. Also, it has come to my attention that many of the girls pictured in your feature are not yet 18. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just that you’re ESPN; you’re supposed to look down your nose at that type of thing. But let’s get right to the ESPN article, with quotes which remind us more of the Penthouse Letters Forum than anything. And more photos from a VANITY FAIR shoot of the girls below. Read more…

For generations, the Chicago Cubs have provided the nation with baseball punchlines - think of 1908, Eamus Catuli, Lee Elia, billy goats, Harry Caray, and any number of other Cubs-related names/dates/objects that instantly convey the idea of the “lovable losers” from the North Side. Even the stadium has evolved into a tourist attraction, something to gawk at to take away from the lackluster play on the field. Every year, national and local media alike write long stories about the Cubs’ futility. It’s not something that Cubs fans can forget, even if they tried.

(The only way this could possibly be any more annoying is if it played Feist songs.)

But in case all the reminders across the city of Chicago and the general sports consciousness weren’t enough…yep, there’s an app for that. Amazingly, software developer Bearded Pony has just released an iPhone app that will constantly remind Cubs fans just how much their team sucks, for the low price of $0.99!

Read more…

Sure, when we finally need an old man to chase people off of the lawn, there’s none to be found. One of the perks of living in the Milwaukee area is being able to watch the PGA U.S. Bank Championship. But considering what’s happening to banks lately, this news item shouldn’t be too shocking.

With the tournament only two weeks away, vandals apparently drove motorcycles onto the course and tore up the grass pretty good on the 17th hole. Authorities are currently seeking the whereabouts of Kelly Leak. Read more…

Rag on the players all you want. Call for the head of a manager; it’s practically America’s second pastime. But dare to suggest that a team’s medical staff isn’t up to par? Now you’ve gone too far.

(Pic semi-related)

That’s the message sent by the Royals, who have banned one of their most loyal fans and followers, after he wrote a blog post criticizing Kansas City’s head athletic trainer. Oh, and this isn’t your typical blogger writing from his parents’ dimly lit basement. He co-founded Baseball Prospectus. But then, as their win-loss record will tell you, the Royals aren’t much for numbers.

Read more…

Just what the Mets needed: As their team bus pulled into Pittsburgh Wednesday night for today’s makeup game with the Pirates, they were greeted not by smiling bellhops at the Westin Hotel, but by that city’s annual convention of furries — Anthrocon ‘09 — which celebrates those who enjoy dressing as animals. If you’ve seen “The Shining,” how can you forget the scene in which Shelley Duval breaks in on two people in mouse costumes in one of the hotel rooms? That still haunts my dreams. Yep, furries.

All of this pretty much freaked out SNY broadcaster Kevin Burkhardt, who encountered several furries at the hotel and has been tweeting about it all day. But for real hilarity, take a look at this transcript of a conversation between Gary Cohen and Keith Hernandez during the game on SNY just a couple of hours ago: Read more…

Under most circumstances, we support the frequent and copious intake of alcohol by all people of all (legal) ages. It is, as noted philosopher Homer Simpson once said, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems. Homer had a point, but then, he never played for the New York Yankees.

(We were hoping to not have to use this photo again.)

1996 World Series hero Jim Leyritz did, however, play for the Yankees, and provides an interesting counterpoint to Homer’s booze-fueled adage. For Leyritz, booze has been the cause of a lot of a problems - from DUI to vehicular homicide to attempted DUI - but not many solutions. Leyritz is awaiting trial on the vehicular homicide charge, and in preparation he has taken up a new hobby to fill his time. Unfortunately, the new hobby? (Allegedly) beating his wife. Alcohol, of course, was involved.

Read more…

Welcome to Cristiano Ronaldo’s World. In today’s adventure, the soccer superstar spots a 17-year-old girl in a car filming him, and (pick one): A. Smiles and goes on his way; B. Stops to sign an autograph; C. Smashes the car window, showering the student with shards of glass resulting in sending her to the hospital. Oh, don’t pretend you don’t know the correct answer.

Actually I forgot D., Asks to see the girl topless in the bathroom. Anyway the answer is C., as 17-year-old student Sara Pardal was treated at a Lisbon hospital before making a complaint to police. Now where’s that asshat prima dona form? Actually, former Real Madrid sports director Paulo Futre had the best advice for Ronaldo to avoid such situations: “Get a steady girlfriend.”

Read more…

Michael Jackson’s death affected the sports world in many ways, from his music video with Michael Jordan to his epic Super Bowl performance, to say nothing of the effect his life had on individual athletes. So it’s no surprise to see a CFL player pay tribute to him during a touchdown celebration. Sounds like a nice gesture, right? Ahem.

After catching a 21-yard TD in Wednesday’s season opener vs. the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Toronto Argonauts WR Arland Bruce took off his helmet, shoulder pads and uniform and laid on his back in the end zone, with his arms crossed over his chest. You see, Bruce was paying homage to dead Michael Jackson, and not the zombie “Thriller” version.

(Video after the jump.) Read more…

What you’ve always feared has unfortunately come true: Brothers Alberto and Alejandro Jiminez, better known to mini-wrestling fans as La Parkita and Espectrito Jr., were found dead in their Mexico City hotel room on Monday after an apparent romp with hookers. Will the tragic celebrity deaths never end? Why, oh why did La Parkita and Espectrito have to consort with ladies of the evening?

Actually this is a, pardon the expression, big deal in Mexico and in wrestling circles. The brothers, pioneers in the resurgence of what is commonly referred to as midget wrestling, were reportedly approached by prostitutes on Sunday night, brought them to their hotel room, but did not emerge when the women later left the room. They were later found dead in their beds. Police say that it is common practice in Mexico for prostitutes to rob customers by spiking their drinks so that they pass out. Video of the wrestlers in action (in the ring!) following the jump. Read more…